Work: Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

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Understandable

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Instadrama

By geeb - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

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By no no no - United States - Simi Valley

Game of Nope

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

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By Avdhut Joshi - India - Thane

Today, I set an alarm to wake up for a football match. I woke up after it finished. Turns out, I set my alarm to 12:15 p.m. instead of a.m. I ended up missing one of my team's best performances. FML

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By Screwed - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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By Anonymous - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

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By pummy - United States

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

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By concusion - United States

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

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By Broke as hell

Hangry

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

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By lovely - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

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By Sariitaa_fml

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

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By ._. - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

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By Rory - United States

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

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By SailorVenus93

Giddy approval!

Today, I got so ecstatic about getting approved for a credit card that I made myself sick. I guess my first ever purchase will be TUMS and some Ginger Ale. FML

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By RJB - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored I made a "to do" list for the week. FML

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By Debbie - United States

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

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By thanks dad - 1/8/2020 02:02

In my day…

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

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By Madmanmorton - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

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By authentic - United States

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

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By Fmyoffice - United Kingdom

Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML

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By pmony - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

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By get me out of this house! - United States

Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

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By Anonymous - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

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By meh

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

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By nima - 23/2/2021 02:01

Death wish

Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML

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By Nick - France

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

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By Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Pencils down

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

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By JoLaFritte - France

Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting. It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML

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By JLoRd - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

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By yupthissucks - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

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By corfan01 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

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By BadIdea - France

Sucker

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

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By greeenbean - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Northbrook

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

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By JillianJuneBug

Today, the bad haircut I received recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look comparable to He-Man. FML

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Top comments

By Exaspera | 54

#7443816 - Monday 24 April 2017 23:51

Carry a squirt gun.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7443782 - Monday 24 April 2017 22:14

Can you deal with people crawling under the stall to check?

COMMENTS

By Allie614032 | 34

#7443593 - Monday 24 April 2017 13:41

"Occupided"? Lol aside from that, yeah, that really sucks. FYL.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7443782 - Monday 24 April 2017 22:14

Can you deal with people crawling under the stall to check?

By Exaspera | 54

#7443816 - Monday 24 April 2017 23:51

Carry a squirt gun.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7443829 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 0:51

They want to see if you're close to finishing.

Are you wiping your ass or posting hilarious comments on FML?

By praahe | 8

#7443837 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 1:19

Couldn't be bothered to say "Someone's in here" after they jiggled the door?

Reply

RockPrincess26 | 16

#7443845 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 1:34

I think OP means that they still peek after doing that. Or they just straight up peek which is creepy.

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7443846 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 1:35

How dumb can people be?

By rhiannonleesarah | 14

#7443869 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 3:57

Now if they were quite young I could understand as people sometimes lock the doors then squeeze underneath as a prank but in a workplace that's weird