Love: Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend...

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 748

You deserved it 1 181

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 300

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 116

Half man, half armchair

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 15:00

Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 135

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 285

You deserved it 40 617

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 236

By xXx - 16/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 353

You deserved it 3 059

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 674

You deserved it 3 093

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 064

You deserved it 3 308

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 038

You deserved it 57 204

Slasher

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 724

You deserved it 9 382

daniel271 13

Sunday 25 September 2016 12:34

Break up with her that's not funny and harmful

Sandsh8rk 36

Sunday 25 September 2016 12:39

That's a real dick move on her behalf.

Comments

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Saturday 1 October 2016 17:54

Who the hell thinks that's funny? I hate to be that guy, but couldn't you press charges against her, because I'm pretty sure that's assault?

p0ssessi0nX 10

Tuesday 4 October 2016 6:01

She didn't do it because she thought it'd be funny. How's the relationship been lately, OP?

Enchiladattack 11

Sunday 6 November 2016 10:10

Listen, I'm usually a 'make it work' type of guy, but this is just crossing a line.

Keywords

Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Ironic Animals Embarrassing Phobias Health Bikes Transportation Ecology Drunk Work AITA Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Vacation Mysterious Weird Video games Gamers Gross Smells First Dates Parents Technology Kids

The Top

Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 661

Today, I found out that morning after pills don't work if you're already ovulating. I also found out that I might become a father wayyyy sooner than expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 563

The Top

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 758

You deserved it 3 158

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 208

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 56

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 997

You deserved it 8 962

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 144

Today, I overheard my brother telling my son and his male cousins, who all think he's a cool uncle, that, "Only women can sneeze and fart at the same time." I decided to intervene, and gave him a scolding of a lifetime in front of them. Let's just say, I had to sneeze while in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 419