Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML
Today, I went to a party with 5 of my friends. Within five minutes, they'd all paired up and gone. Then it was just me, drinking my pain away. FML
Today, after two months of being teased by my friends for getting wasted and passing out from only one shot, I learned that I wasn't actually too weak to handle the alcohol. My "friends" had secretly laced my drink with sleeping pills. They're now teasing me for believing them. FML
Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML
Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML
Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on Facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML
Today, I got drunk until morning at a college friend's apartment with bunch of strangers. Some officials came in due to the noise and I tried to scare them away by pretending to sing a latin song of worship I made up, thinking they'd respect the gathering if it was a religious one. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML
Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML
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Top comments
DrSo 15
1. You had a non-alcoholic house party in Germany. 2. You fell for your own set up. How do you NOT deserve it?!
lakerfan8224 17
The mind is a powerful thing.
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Comments (128)
grumpybr 13
Sorry OP. You're an idiot
Pwn17 25
The placebo effect is one thing, but you KNEW it was non alcoholic. How stupid are you?
Wizzlbang 10
contact high?
AtomicDiamond87 15
From non alcoholic beer? wow
revolution4ever 14
Trying to get pity from us because you had to act drunk to get attention? That's all I see...
ksktwin84 14
Glad someone said it
jw90 18
How does that even? I'm so confused..
Rodville 28
Again, alcohol free beer is NOT 100% alcohol free!!! It has a small percentage still. Drink enough and you can still get drunk. Same thing goes for fat free stuff. Eat the serving size it's fat free. Eat a second and it's no longer fat free.
Phoenix_fml 13
So if you eat a serving size one day, it is fat free. But if you eat the same serving size the next day it isn't? Timing doesn't matter. Whatever is listed in the nutritional guide is in the serving size. Fat free is fat free. You're not too bright, are you?
toomanyidiots 14
@Phoenix: No, actually, Rodville is right. I don't know if this applies to all fats, but this does apply to food labeling of trans fats in the United States, and possibly other countries as well. Foods can be labeled as having "zero trans fats" if each serving has equal to or less than 0.5g of trans fat per serving. Therefore, if you eat four servings, you are STILL consuming small amounts of trans fats -- up to 2 grams. Food companies can get away with it because you're consuming a negligible amount... in one serving. If you eat several, it's not necessarily negligible anymore.
Phoenix_fml 13
So then, toomanyidiots, each serving size would have .5 grams of trans fat and not be 'fat free'. Based on Rodville's last sentence, the first one serving size has no fat and the second one would have fat in it. A serving size either has fat in it or it doesn't.
strive 12
No, Phoenix. You're obviously the one who isn't too bright. He's saying that companies are allowed to label their foods as fat free if they contain .5 grams or less. So the first "fat free" serving size is not truly fat free, it just contains a negligible amount. So if you've got a bag of "fat free" chips that truly contain an ignorable .4 grams of fat, and you eat one serving, you can feel like you didn't eat any fat at all. But if you eat the whole bag in one sitting you actually ate 2 grams of fat. OP might still be a moron but so are you.
Phoenix_fml 13
Exactly. I don't care if there is an ignorable .4 grams of fat in a serving size. You're consuming .4 grams in each one, not 0 grams in one serving size and .8 grams in another.
strive 12
That is a completely irrelevant thing to say. You are making nothing but moot points. Arguing for the sake of arguing. You are an idiot.
chosenblades 8
FML is now a dating site and a food website.
Phoenix_fml 13
Its not arguing for the sake of arguing. Rodville makes a stupid statement and I'm the dumb ass for pointing it out. And maybe I'm the only one here use to the NYC nutritional standards of them needing to be completely accurate. Oh, and I can't take someone who has "'merica" listed as their country in their profile seriously.
Wittledinosaure 7
That is the stupidest thing I've ever herd? How the hell do you manage to even do that?
Welshite 40
Usually a shepherd's crook is part of the standard equipment. That would be your first step.
perdix 31
Actually, if you knew it was non-alcoholic and you could will yourself into a drunken state, your mind is very powerful.
LissaMccracken 23
This FML made me laugh... You still deserve it though
WildWonder808 14
YDI, Smh why act like you're drunk