Emily
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. We have been fighting for a while about active consent, and I tried to convince him that consent must be given at all times. He got me to the edge of a climax... and then said "I'm tired" and got up and left. FML.
Top comments
interesting33 37
this is a big assumption which I don't think is helpful.
Mynxie 26
Not that big. It's common for those who think all men need to be taught about consent
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Comments (5)
Mynxie 26
He withdrew consent. That is his right.
Mynxie 26
And why do I have a feeling that you would be the type of person who would call rape if you two were both drunk and had sex or would call rape if you felt regret the next day and would withdraw consent after the fact, even though you gave consent beforehand.
interesting33 37
this is a big assumption which I don't think is helpful.
Mynxie 26
Not that big. It's common for those who think all men need to be taught about consent
PhantomCrevan 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Doesn't say anything about the discussion having started because OP thought the BF didn't know what consent was- people are discussing consent a LOT in the wake of all the sexual misconduct coming to light. Also, maybe not every man, but nearly a third of college age men *DON'T* know what rape is. http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/vio.2014.0022 Note that only includes specific scenarios of rape. If you expand it to include coercive rape- such as pressuring them into sex because the guy paid for the date, because she agreed to extend the date, or other factors- other studies have found that figure jumps up to 66% or more not understanding that coerced consent isn't valid consent. So yeah, statistically speaking, making sure that you have the same concept of consent as a romantic partner is a valid concern, particularly when men are involved. Also, even putting aside the statistics behind it, what he did is still manipulative as ****, since it's pretty obvious that was his intention from the get go. He's using sexual manipulation- which is a form of coercion- to try to make OP agree that he shouldn't be "allowed" to stop. Which- since the removal of consent usually occurs due to pain or discomfort- says the guy has some very ****** up views on consent and emotions. In others, not exactly a good sign for him being a safe and stable partner.