Miscellaneous: Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 99

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 91

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 40

11/07/2009 13:48

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 128

You tried

Hiding from the drama

Cheating cheater

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 20:00

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 240

25/04/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 516

06/09/2014 21:08

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 588

You deserved it 4 226

Gassy

By Fartnonymous - 18/08/2015 10:59

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 602

You deserved it 2 648

What's going on?

By Pointless - 10/07/2021 08:01

Today, I got a concussion when banging my head. I got extremely nauseous and nearly passed out. The emergency doctor gave me anti-nausea pills. The top three side effects are headache, dizziness and drowsiness. I have no idea if they're working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 99

02/02/2018 08:00

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 248

19/11/2015 14:52

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 549

You deserved it 2 008

29/10/2014 19:39

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 143

You deserved it 3 730

08/01/2013 17:45

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 2 803

12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 7 552

22/04/2013 07:19

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 194

You deserved it 126 045

29/05/2009 13:59

Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 667

You deserved it 7 978

Welcoming

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 15:45

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 887

You deserved it 8 331

Stranded

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 113

01/06/2009 04:50

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 282

You deserved it 38 123

30/10/2009 04:17

Spicy

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 516

You deserved it 2 578

27/02/2010 03:14

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 826

You deserved it 2 775

Asshats everywhere

By Anonymous - 08/12/2017 15:00

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 258

You deserved it 235

20/04/2011 20:52

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 649

You deserved it 4 349

12/06/2009 23:35

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 411

You deserved it 4 743

31/10/2008 06:08

Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 027

You deserved it 5 212

15/06/2015 02:54

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 610

You deserved it 2 395

Unloveable

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 23:01

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 73

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 13:59

Today, my boss called me while I was working from home to bitch me out over being away from my computer for 49 minutes, when my lunch break is only 45 minutes, thus wasting another 13 minutes. My boss is known for spending hours online gaming from home during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 94

26/08/2018 03:30

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 211

29/08/2013 07:07

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 015

You deserved it 8 970

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 02:02

Today, after spending hundreds of dollars on parts and tools, and hours of research to teach myself how to perform the work, I upgraded my bike. It was also today that I made it 4 blocks from my house on my first ride before I hit a curb and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 132

20/12/2009 04:24

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 209

You deserved it 46 037

Chill out, Ross

By sad composer noises - 02/06/2021 20:01

Today, every time I practice my synthesizer, without fail, my stepmom decides to make as much noise as humanly possible. Slamming doors, stomping around in her loudest heels, dropping weights, screaming, you name it. I can hear her through my noise cancelling headphones and I can’t focus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 120

25/08/2015 19:46

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 2 168

17/02/2009 02:29

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 939

You deserved it 90 627

11/09/2009 11:57

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 556

You deserved it 4 732

16/07/2011 04:10

Spicy

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 210

You deserved it 17 837

28/06/2011 02:10

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 829

You deserved it 5 096

The Covid who stole Christmas

By TCRII - 22/12/2020 08:09

Today, I picked up my 5 year-old son for Christmas break. We were on the way to the airport, talking about Santa and what we were going to do over the break when my fiancée called to tell me that she had been exposed to Covid-19. I took him home to his mom's and missed my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 430

02/06/2011 14:49

Spicy

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 606

You deserved it 16 019

07/11/2011 12:13

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 932

You deserved it 2 780

17/06/2010 22:56

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 3 624

20/04/2009 08:52

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 306

You deserved it 5 664

16/08/2011 19:27

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was from a baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 661

You deserved it 27 279

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:08

Use your bed as a trampoline , bounce out the window , and get your phone back . Your must have a pretty high/bouncy bed & a low/close window , sounds very unrealistic unless you whip your phone down .

scorpiogirl666 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:11

Well, you know what they say. If you love something, let it go...

Comments

klutzy_drummer 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 19:59

Haha, you got owned

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Sunday 12 July 2009 12:41

wow dude u cracked me up.... lol FAIL.. YDI

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Monday 13 July 2009 5:16

alright im sure everyone is going to call me retarded...but what does YDI mean?

blinkingstarlet 15

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Monday 13 July 2009 10:09

YDI means you deserved it and FYL means f*ck your life.

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Thursday 26 August 2010 16:30

nah, at least you asked

nickiforever21 0

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Thursday 25 November 2010 22:21

It means You Deserve It

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Monday 29 November 2010 8:05

no way, i thought it meant you dumb idiot... wow talk about a fail -_-

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:00

FAIL!!!!

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Monday 13 July 2009 6:03

Epic fail

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 15:55

super epic fail

redxapplexoxo 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:00

Damn that sucks ass.

ElectroBunneh 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:01

Dude. How close is your window?

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Sunday 12 July 2009 5:08

better question, how tall is your bed, and why don't you have a screen?

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:08

Use your bed as a trampoline , bounce out the window , and get your phone back . Your must have a pretty high/bouncy bed & a low/close window , sounds very unrealistic unless you whip your phone down .

theoceanscool 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:17

lmao

Mutanttoothbrush 6

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Sunday 16 July 2017 1:13

I have a window right next to my bed, that is completely level with the bed, it doesnt have to be that bouncy.

passwordis_fml 2

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:08

you got home and your window was already open?

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:33

In my case, I'm a few floors up in an apartment, and ALWAYS leave my windows wide open, with the exception of bad weather of course. Just not open as much in the winter. ;)

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Monday 13 July 2009 6:04

Uh, yeah but what about screens? Don't you have those? Problem solved.

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:09

hahahaahhaha that is really funny not gonna lie

scorpiogirl666 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:11

Well, you know what they say. If you love something, let it go...

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Saturday 11 July 2009 21:13

This is a pretty good reply.

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Thursday 11 February 2016 16:36

If it comes back to you, you own it. And if it doesn't come back, you don't own it.

The_ghetto_mango 25

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Wednesday 16 March 2016 18:19

I believe the saying is "if you love something let it go, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be". Obviously not the case for OP.

rubikscube_fml 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:11

I can't imagine explaining that to someone XD.

theoceanscool 0

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Saturday 11 July 2009 20:12

Lmao, this one made me laugh.