Animals: Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably...

By Anonymous

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3626

You deserved it

362

Favorite

Animals

Commando

Late term

Unreasonable

By MommaAnnie - United States - Overland Park

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50543

You deserved it

14739

Favorite

By fine - United States - Danvers

Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37281

You deserved it

4667

Favorite

By ConfusedFiancé

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4153

You deserved it

806

Favorite

By MexyBoy - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49732

You deserved it

6565

Favorite

By SHRINKY

Today, we were looking forward to spending x-mas eve with our best friends of 13 years before moving across the country where we know no one. That was the plan. The stomach flu virus has a different plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6447

You deserved it

455

Favorite

By Boarder - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50187

You deserved it

5434

Favorite

By Shenza - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24765

You deserved it

3005

Favorite

By my teeth! - 24/7/2020 14:07

Like riding a bike

Today, my sister and I were trying to teach our kids how to Double Dutch. While giving a demonstration of how to jump in while the ropes were turning, my feet got jumbled. I ended up faceplanting in front of all the kids, who screamed in horror at my bloodied face and missing tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1310

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By 20singleandproudish - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38684

You deserved it

3701

Favorite

By hello higher premiums, fuckwad - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43914

You deserved it

3050

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32130

You deserved it

7936

Favorite

By used - 2/11/2020 20:08 - Japan - Kobe

Used

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks

901

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By DingusGinger

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. Best part is I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1945

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By lolwut - United States

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40457

You deserved it

13771

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29756

You deserved it

1647

Favorite

By hwood - United States

Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46386

You deserved it

8172

Favorite

By thanksbro - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29800

You deserved it

3019

Favorite

By WishesWasDeaf - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35716

You deserved it

3348

Favorite

By ApparentlyATerribleDaughter

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and knocked out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3185

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By emkatch - Canada

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67624

You deserved it

4342

Favorite

By dragynfyre - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25785

You deserved it

2115

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11065

You deserved it

35795

Favorite

By Geese Ahoy - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10128

You deserved it

1058

Favorite

By mpsteve137 - United States - Acworth

Apologetic

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29799

You deserved it

9735

Favorite

By happycow122 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25027

You deserved it

20269

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 02:01

Billy no-mates

Today, I feel both happy and jealous of my father. It's his birthday and he has received over 100 times more phone calls than me. I'd had two: one from my local bank manager and one from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1197

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By loserface - United States

Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20212

You deserved it

36564

Favorite

By emeraldapostle

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2073

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ithaca

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37650

You deserved it

5231

Favorite

By fittingroompotty - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109407

You deserved it

4974

Favorite

By milly - Norway

Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40096

You deserved it

6583

Favorite

By meh

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9272

You deserved it

703

Favorite

By APetsPet - United States

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54324

You deserved it

4420

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26392

You deserved it

1498

Favorite

By zzdug - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30008

You deserved it

5865

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salida

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45880

You deserved it

4248

Favorite

By TheCrackerNinja - United States

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31205

You deserved it

3950

Favorite

By doodlecrzyMeg - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24557

You deserved it

4227

Favorite

By wtactualfuck :( - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37416

You deserved it

2351

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29993

You deserved it

2497

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444709 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 15:30

A bit more fiber in her diet than you anticipated huh?

By Amazingandro | 15

#7444714 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 15:40

I too have a sneaky dog who preys on House guests who don't know the rules and leave the bathroom door open. 0.o Dogs are strange.

COMMENTS

By pedinhuh | 23

#7444647 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 13:28

You know this can kill her, right?
Please l, be a responsible owner and don't let your dog eat that much toilet paper.

awildwhisper | 30

#7444710 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 15:32

I really don't think OP "let" her dog eat the paper. I doubt OP sat there and watched as she at all of it...

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444709 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 15:30

A bit more fiber in her diet than you anticipated huh?

By Amazingandro | 15

#7444714 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 15:40

I too have a sneaky dog who preys on House guests who don't know the rules and leave the bathroom door open. 0.o Dogs are strange.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7444754 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 16:37

Well, now you have a self-cleaning dog!

By Fatboy007 | 9

#7445038 - Thursday 27 April 2017 3:08

My dog once chewed a hole threw concrete ?