Intimacy: Today, I hooked up with a freshman at a party. No foreplay, just... - FML

By Lilica - 13/06/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a freshman at a party. No foreplay, just a quickie. The boy was a virgin, had phimosis, and didn't know. He started to bleed and scream, causing everyone from the party to gather around the bathroom door. He left with his dick bleeding and now everyone is saying I have a snapping vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 993

You deserved it 1 543

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

I'madumbass 19

Tuesday 13 June 2017 21:16

I have a couple of questions: 1) What grade are you in? 2) Is this high school or college? I would understand if it's a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college should be more mature. FYL.

cacheson 41

Tuesday 13 June 2017 21:03

****** dentata!!!

Comments

sloter 16

Friday 14 July 2017 5:20

I'll risk it

Robertjoe18 1

Wednesday 30 August 2017 13:29

There's teeth in your ******? Chanel #5 is that you???

SlapAnAsian70 7

Tuesday 12 September 2017 3:57

????

Keywords

Love Awkward Relatable Students Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Jealousy Social Media

The Top

Today, I learned my dad is the kindest, most generous, hard-working soul anyone has ever met. He'll give someone the shirt off his back if they need help. Except for us, his immediate family, whom he screams and cusses at daily, expects to do everything ourselves, and thinks we're incompetent when we need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 91

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 270

The Top

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 982

You deserved it 6 205

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 131

You deserved it 7 406

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 234

You deserved it 542

Today, my husband is refusing to go to a gastroenterologist. His farts have gotten so rank, they could be used as weapon to extract info from political prisoners, but he still insists nothing is wrong. Another night of this and I’ll be sleeping outside in in 30°F weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 124

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 190

Today, I went for a job interview. The woman interviewing me had such a thick accent that I had to keep asking her to repeat herself. She got so frustrated that she ended the interview super early. I don't think I got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 584

You deserved it 1 200