Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML
Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML
Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He sounds like a fungi to be around! Don't be so sporing OP, have a laugh!
Renesaga 8
That's prettt much how I spend everyday, even without shrooms.
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Comments (122)
LegolasPrincess 10
My question is how did he mistake shrooms for peanut butter? Oh well at least he had fun in the corner all day with his best friend mister vacuum.
mangobbler 11
Now your housemate knows what Mario goes through in every level...
Pancakes017 19
Sounds pretty normal if you ask me.
Nurd4lyfe 7
Can't tell you how many times I've made that mistake. That's why I keep my jar of shrooms away from the peanut butter. They look so alike side by side....your roommate's a moron.
NotoriousLES 14
Choosy moms choose Jif! Primarily for the bright packaging, it helps avoid this common mistake.
pedinhuh 23
That sounds like one hell of trip! Did your roomate also tried to get into the sink pipes or started to jump on anything?
zomgbies 17
Pics or it didnt happen. Video would be better
hunteryager 18
I love the visual this gave me.
RedPillSucks 33
He wants a new drug One that won't make him sick One that won't make him crash his car Or make him feel three feet thick
AngryD 9
I really don't call that a mistake this is why stupidity should be painful
worldclassrager 41
He's alright correct? We already know he's an addict (I think)...maybe make sure the mushrooms are somewhere else not by is peanut butter...
esines 9
Doin shrooms once makes you an addict?