Health: Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30...

Dudeee u really gotta get some action!!! It makes you feel so much better, and you can just work your way up from a lil **** to a really hot girl :P And BTW there plenty of pills for ur junk!

wowfmlife 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 22:06

#191 Condoms are against Catholic religion

wazza_fml 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 23:31

i'm so...so sorry

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Today, my wife admitted she's upset with me because she can see I'm unhappy in our marriage. We've been married for over two months and we still haven't had penetrative sex because she's scared of the pain. I cook and care for the house alone (I work remotely), I make 6 times as much money as her, but she's mad I'm sad. FML

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You deserved it 228

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

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Random

Today, my drug dealer was the only one who wished me a happy birthday. FML

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Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

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Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

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Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

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Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 159

Today, I returned from my holiday in Cairo and was planning to go straight to bed, seeing as I had landed at 2 a.m. All was going well, until I tried to open my front door and realised that I'd left my keys, my S23+ phone, and my wallet in the cab I took home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 227