Work: Today, for the first day in our bakery, our intern brought croissants...

By croissant - France

Today, for the first day in our bakery, our intern brought croissants and rolls from our biggest competitor. FML

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Work

BO Central

Can't win

Overbearing much?

By ripdivine - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

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By Uglyandfat - 10/4/2021 21:30

Assumptions

Today, I was walking home when I heard a male voice behind me yelling, “Hey! Hello!” I walked faster and grabbed my pocket knife, turned around and pointed it at him. He just wanted to hand me back the keys I'd dropped. He then added something like, "Oh, and don’t get it twisted, you’re too fat to be kidnapped and raped." FML

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942

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By Plush - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

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25013

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By kashish0711 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

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59587

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By I hate games - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

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23981

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5163

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By secret - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

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41617

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5407

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

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34688

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By kmyltd - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

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13788

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By notaman - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

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22394

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1368

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

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39616

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5031

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By whoops - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

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7794

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By Username - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

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37350

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By CallaC - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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39405

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By superclutz - United States

Oh, hello…

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37368

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21088

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By JackOLantern - Satellite Provider

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

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62746

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By costcocondoms - Mexico

Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

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56845

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9599

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

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8730

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1033

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By notsoproudfather - India - Pune

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

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23926

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2290

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By Anonymous

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

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2983

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

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34633

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By Murphy’s Law - 4/3/2021 20:01 - United States - Troy

Operation time!

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

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813

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145

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By beat10 - United States

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

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64483

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4160

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By "Forevor_a_potato"

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

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1852

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206

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By MerryChristmas - United States - Moore

Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML

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5555

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412

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By FreshFaced - United Kingdom

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

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40903

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By Great. - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

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25931

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By BillLumberg - United States

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

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10562

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By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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9188

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673

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By shelly - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

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29481

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7385

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By 20lbknockout - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

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44005

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3522

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By salope - France - Paris

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

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27687

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By ac32 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

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40241

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By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

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1519

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161

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By me - United States

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39130

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7753

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By jester777 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12513

You deserved it

49278

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By wtfbabe

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6577

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538

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By FML - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

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30348

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3262

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By Scarred for life

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

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1526

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128

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 23:00

They'll have anyone these days

Today, I asked my 18 year-old daughter to buy half a dozen donuts. When she brought them over, I opened the box and discovered the dozen donuts were all cut in half. She just got accepted into a prestigious private university. FML

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850

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243

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By Jasmine_smilee - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

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45060

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Top comments

By Wizardo | 33

#6623498 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 12:34

Croissant the line.

By catanita | 18

#6623520 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 13:02

Good thinking. Maybe he want to make a comparison between the 2 producers and see if your product needs improvement or you are above the competition.

COMMENTS

By maharb01 | 17

#6623497 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 12:33

think of it as knowing the gauntlet that's in front of you

By Wizardo | 33

#6623498 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 12:34

Croissant the line.

By bonermonkey | 31

#6623510 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 12:53

if they are an unpaid intern then leave them alone :P

By catanita | 18

#6623520 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 13:02

Good thinking. Maybe he want to make a comparison between the 2 producers and see if your product needs improvement or you are above the competition.

By johnbooger | 19

#6623540 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 13:45

why should you even care, just because they work where you are doesnt mean they have to spend their money there.

By biasedshooter | 24

#6623544 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 14:05

An intern at a bakery?

By wow2mylife | 25

#6623572 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 14:48

why did I think for the store or is it

By ainsworth_fml | 1

#6623574 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 14:49

Does intern = unpaid in France?

By bad_boyfriend | 10

#6623578 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 14:55

I find it hard to believe it is your "biggest competitor" there is a fucking bakery every 30 feet in France

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6623885 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 22:49

Do interns get fired?