Love: Today, as I was putting on sports shoes to get to a job interview... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

07/07/2014 06:58

Today, as I was putting on sports shoes to get to a job interview in a hurry, a man ran past me and grabbed my formal shoes while shouting, "Ninja!" Try explaining to the guy at the interview why I was wearing sneakers with a skirt suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 37

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Judge not lest ye be judged

Cujo, but for cats

26/02/2010 17:54

Spicy

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 750

You deserved it 31 718

15/04/2011 09:30

Today, my 15 year old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 313

You deserved it 13 820

30/04/2014 00:10

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 221

You deserved it 7 284

20/12/2009 05:13

Today, I had to take a taxi to work, because I was pressed for time, and didn't have a ride there. When I got to work, I paid the cab driver, and realized I had spent more money on the cab than I was going to make at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 528

You deserved it 4 719

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 164

You deserved it 2 901

06/08/2014 21:14

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 035

You deserved it 6 522

11/10/2009 21:24

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 832

You deserved it 12 890

17/07/2016 17:31

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 224

You deserved it 1 005

11/09/2013 18:10

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 086

You deserved it 10 030

30/03/2012 05:00

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 205

You deserved it 2 362

07/09/2016 14:57

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 763

You deserved it 1 352

06/08/2011 07:09

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 2 924

Drama Llama

By Mike - 11/09/2019 04:01

Today, I called my mother to say hi. She spent a whole hour and a half complaining about how I never call her, bawling and calling me "a waste of human flesh." I call her at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 112

14/01/2013 18:34

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 975

You deserved it 7 280

21/02/2011 01:19

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 656

You deserved it 8 847

12/12/2009 06:38

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 027

You deserved it 56 322

19/12/2012 20:47

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 718

You deserved it 4 380

18/03/2009 04:07

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 215

You deserved it 4 179

28/12/2010 06:21

Today, I found out that my mother in-law's flight home is canceled, and that she's staying three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 3 992

29/09/2011 02:28

Today, my girlfriend changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'It's Complicated' because I didn't give her my last cookie. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 212

You deserved it 12 444

It's the thought that counts

By no good deed - 23/07/2020 20:02

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 211

27/08/2018 03:30

Today, I was accused of being a racist whore at work. I had asked a man if he needed help finding anything, as that is part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 143

Dad, stop driving my car

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 00:01

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 67

27/06/2010 18:54

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 9 901

17/11/2016 18:00

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 912

You deserved it 3 683

Busted

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 08:00

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 1 071

28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 489

17/12/2012 08:17

Spicy

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 865

You deserved it 15 191

20/12/2009 22:41

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 798

You deserved it 38 429

14/03/2013 22:04

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 069

You deserved it 2 952

01/12/2015 22:53

Today, I called the cops on this guy who kept emailing me without revealing who he was. I had told him that if he emailed me again, I would call the cops, so I did. Turns out it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 968

You deserved it 2 702

19/01/2015 06:34

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 111

You deserved it 4 195

13/09/2009 07:04

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 156

You deserved it 5 057

08/06/2015 13:35

Spicy

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 228

You deserved it 5 296

Compassion

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 20:00

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 211

04/08/2016 21:32

Spicy

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 805

You deserved it 5 279

20/10/2018 23:00

Today, my 4 year old son excitedly asked me if he'd get to see drones at the zoo. He apparently thinks drones are living creatures. I guess I can go ahead and spend his college savings on shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 1 308

09/12/2008 08:59

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 583

You deserved it 4 656

10/08/2014 17:24

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 992

You deserved it 3 212

28/04/2009 00:43

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 710

You deserved it 7 483

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Top comments

md101 18

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Monday 7 July 2014 14:59

Surprised you even saw the ninja.

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:00

Clearly, he's not a real ninja. Real ninjas would've left you standing there, wondering where your shoes went

Comments

md101 18

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Monday 7 July 2014 14:59

Surprised you even saw the ninja.

DerrickJames 33

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:07

This "ninja" gave her one hell of a story for the interview. It probably kept the mood up. The ninja was a god send.

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:49

Dem ninja muhfukkas fast

Wyaru 9

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:52

The only reason she was able to see him is because he didn't have his "sneakers", which is why he had to steal hers in the first place.

Wyaru 9

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:57

I've realized that he didn't actually steal her sneakers, rendering my supposedly "witty" comment stupid sounding and invalid.

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Monday 7 July 2014 16:07

#23, what comment?

LifeAlertTwerk 14

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Monday 7 July 2014 18:17

#24, he probably edited his original comment. The current one is just a revision so he didn't seem "stupid".

mz135 12

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Monday 7 July 2014 19:03

Well obviously he's not a good ninja!

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Monday 7 July 2014 19:49

he got away with the shoes... I think that makes him a decent ninja at least.

reneetlovesyou 30

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Monday 7 July 2014 22:02

That ninja is still a grasshopper.

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Monday 7 July 2014 22:41

who runs to an interview? you must suck at keeping time

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Monday 7 July 2014 22:48

It's gotta be the best story the recruiter heard that. S/he will remember that. Sure you'll get a callback if you did well otherwise

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Monday 7 July 2014 23:41

who wants to walk in heels/dress shoes to an interview when you have sneakers?

tempermental 19

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 0:40

maybe next time you could leave extra time so you aren't in a hurry, that way you won't need the sneakers? or you could have just taken a taxi to the interview??

ChristianH39 30

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 2:51

Or people could just stop stealing peoples shoes

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 6:49

A young grasshopper

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 6:51

^ to #56

Wyaru 9

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 12:55

#37 Yeah, the first comment was a joke about ninjas and sneakers, but I realized it didn't work because he didn't steal the sneakers, but the dress shoes.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 19:32

Sounds like the ninja was a sumo...

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Sunday 13 July 2014 19:20

What a ninja

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:00

Well, I hope u get the job :-)

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:00

Clearly, he's not a real ninja. Real ninjas would've left you standing there, wondering where your shoes went

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Monday 7 July 2014 16:44

Exactly! This was no ninja, only a thief :P

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Monday 7 July 2014 22:49

A thief with humour still tho. But yea, lying - although at least he left OP with an extraordinary story to tell

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Monday 21 July 2014 15:47

Maybe a ninja in training

Flaming_Pandas 15

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Saturday 2 August 2014 6:14

Unless, of course, she too is a ninja.

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:03

I say he would just laugh about it.Well hopefully in your case

originaljosh 11

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 5:06

fmylife.com/account/logout/

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:04

I'm really curious as to why a man wanted female dress shoes. Maybe he's a cross dressing ninja

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:14

Almost anything second hand can be sold.

DrownedMyFish 18

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Monday 7 July 2014 23:08

He could also be a ninja with a shoe fetish.

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 1:53

No. Enough.

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:06

So did you get the job ???

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:07

Maybe you could start a new trend hah

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Monday 7 July 2014 16:15

sorry, Mexican family parties already started that trend

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Monday 7 July 2014 17:05

#25 but white people fuck their own family members

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:09

nothing like a good story to break the ice

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Monday 7 July 2014 18:34

The determining factor is how well OP sells it. If the interviewer thinks it's a tall tale, OP won't be hired for a retail job. Girl can't even sell a true story!

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:13

Impress your interviewer with your physical prowess. Your sports shoes make you better.. faster... stronger than your formal shoes. Now only if you had 6 million dollars.

laden_swallow09 34

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:20

Yeah, that's why she's at the interview – to get the job- ohhhhh, I see what you did, there!

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:15

Why the hell are you going to a job interview with your whole wardrobe ... Do you always carry different clothing items when on the move. Next time maybe take a spare set of shoes. As for this damn ninja, what's up with you going around stealing shoes and still announcing its a ninja that's stealing it

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Monday 7 July 2014 15:18

If she had to walk to her interview, it's perfectly reasonable that she brought a more comfortable pair to walk in, instead of trekking in heels. Also, isn't that a bit contradictory to say she should've brought MORE shoes after questioning why she brought an extra pair?

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Monday 7 July 2014 20:41

Obviously he's a troll. Lol.