Work: Today, after telling my boss how I was looking at purchasing...

By DmanTheMan - United States - Charlottesville

Today, after telling my boss how I was looking at purchasing a motorcycle, she went on a rant complaining about how if I die, she'll have to train a new employee. Thanks boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17734

You deserved it

1805

Favorite

DmanTheMan tells us more :

Haha no it's my third job. Funny thing is we also argue about where to store our files. I work in medical billing, and I am constantly working at one of our three offices, so I usually store my files in our Dropbox file but sometimes I save to desktop and can't access it from the other offices ? and she wants me to delete my files after I'm done with them

Work

Proactive

BO Central

My body, my choice

By CapitolSouthSux - United States

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41026

You deserved it

4004

Favorite

By Marco

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81074

You deserved it

12078

Favorite

By roundemup - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23576

You deserved it

5184

Favorite

By sunlightchild_14 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28130

You deserved it

5051

Favorite

By ShowerheadGirl - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

10095

You deserved it

24965

Favorite

By John - United States - Midway City

Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3677

You deserved it

557

Favorite

By beagle1 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26096

You deserved it

2376

Favorite

By blinkanimgone - Australia

Today, I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. All went well until the machine went to return my red blood cells. It turns out the nurse sliced my vein and the blood built up in my tissues. I now have a massive swollen arm and bruising, and look like a junkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32336

You deserved it

2623

Favorite

By amy - United States - Wellesley Hills

A cashier's life

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46703

You deserved it

3958

Favorite

By Benji - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51446

You deserved it

7473

Favorite

By Jehovah God - United States - Richmond

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45198

You deserved it

3590

Favorite

By treehugger - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8028

You deserved it

49211

Favorite

By Loose Ends - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14094

You deserved it

2768

Favorite

By 4gottenmemories - United States

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59632

You deserved it

3617

Favorite

By station - United States

Look out!

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14864

You deserved it

56951

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56910

You deserved it

3524

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36995

You deserved it

8939

Favorite

By dumbdad - United States

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26176

You deserved it

3460

Favorite

By fufu_mutt - United States

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30681

You deserved it

10122

Favorite

By Tristan - 30/7/2020 02:01

Send message

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1195

You deserved it

304

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24303

You deserved it

71631

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48421

You deserved it

4221

Favorite

By Joe - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10775

You deserved it

125785

Favorite

By BigBallah93 - China

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10844

You deserved it

78654

Favorite

By Stranded - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63739

You deserved it

6707

Favorite

By anon - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33652

You deserved it

2566

Favorite

By A. Person - Mexico

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38876

You deserved it

2774

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71032

You deserved it

7565

Favorite

By me - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22121

You deserved it

1850

Favorite

By ProneToBlondeMoments - United Kingdom

Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34225

You deserved it

5107

Favorite

By Honest mistake

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2379

You deserved it

5055

Favorite

By munchkin - France

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11819

You deserved it

42377

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44693

You deserved it

6353

Favorite

By fearofzombies - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50202

You deserved it

13195

Favorite

By jeph23 - United States

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35199

You deserved it

19113

Favorite

By pam - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23112

You deserved it

7911

Favorite

By larsn - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5860

You deserved it

20031

Favorite

By Uhmm... - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46836

You deserved it

4276

Favorite

By Fonz - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6501

You deserved it

56336

Favorite

By Sally - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23129

You deserved it

5319

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By superjewguy | 19

#6561826 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:58

she ain't worried about him, she's worried about bottom line, op dying would be a financial inconvenience for them, that's a crappy mentality, enjoy riding ur motorcycle op, you'll feel so free

By Kaoticwolf | 17

#6561830 - Friday 18 March 2016 15:03

TAKE YOUR BOSS WITH YOU THEN SHE WONT HAVE TO TRAIN ANOTHER :D

COMMENTS

By anyagrande | 31

#6561824 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:55

Well you are a lot more prone to dying when you ride a motorcycle

By M3DO | 24

#6561825 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:55

Well at least she's worried about you..?

M3DO | 24

#6562016 - Friday 18 March 2016 20:57

I know that, I was just trying to get something positive out of the FML.

By superjewguy | 19

#6561826 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:58

she ain't worried about him, she's worried about bottom line, op dying would be a financial inconvenience for them, that's a crappy mentality, enjoy riding ur motorcycle op, you'll feel so free