Today, after telling my boss how I was looking at purchasing...

By DmanTheMan - 18/3/2016 04:37 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, after telling my boss how I was looking at purchasing a motorcycle, she went on a rant complaining about how if I die, she'll have to train a new employee. Thanks boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17730

You deserved it

1804

Favorite

DmanTheMan tells us more :

Haha no it's my third job. Funny thing is we also argue about where to store our files. I work in medical billing, and I am constantly working at one of our three offices, so I usually store my files in our Dropbox file but sometimes I save to desktop and can't access it from the other offices ? and she wants me to delete my files after I'm done with them

Work

True hero

Basic Instinct

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By Anonymous - 15/9/2011 23:54 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41832

You deserved it

26451

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2017 02:00

Today, I caught my 29-year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3760

You deserved it

312

Favorite

By infortunatename - 1/8/2014 23:10 - United States

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43952

You deserved it

12745

Favorite

By Hue - 7/7/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I spent more time driving to my vacation spot than actually vacationing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23324

You deserved it

4154

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 15:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

129744

You deserved it

5424

Favorite

By douchegamer - 3/3/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15104

You deserved it

78675

Favorite

By tiredoffamilydinners - 12/1/2012 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29493

You deserved it

2529

Favorite

By stretchy - 6/5/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Better safe

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

I agree, your life sucks

57470

You deserved it

9289

Favorite

By verycre8tive - 21/5/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55494

You deserved it

2706

Favorite

By BodyElectric - 26/7/2016 05:06

Today, I was checking my kitten's neutering stitches when he farted so hard that a stray piece of cat shit shot out and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17450

Phew, glad it wasn't me

3644

Favorite

By ... - 20/1/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2099

You deserved it

707

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 00:30 - United States - Savannah

Boundaries

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1256

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By WorkSexMonkey - 4/1/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12986

You deserved it

36916

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2013 11:10 - Latvia - Jelgava

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61811

You deserved it

17196

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/3/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42111

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

By Sad Student - 3/2/2014 03:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42550

You deserved it

15983

Favorite

By nosebleeder - 13/2/2013 20:31 - Sweden

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31556

You deserved it

8740

Favorite

By Katie - 13/12/2012 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31046

You deserved it

2589

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, was my boyfriends mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45470

You deserved it

7806

Favorite

By mommy - 18/4/2014 02:31 - United States - North Andover

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55791

You deserved it

5283

Favorite

By roze198765 - 4/8/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45717

You deserved it

4362

Favorite

By tarini - 27/5/2009 20:12 - Bangladesh

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

I agree, your life sucks

19696

You deserved it

121780

Favorite

By asshole - 19/4/2020 20:00

Doing his part

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2461

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By darkangel7410 - 22/6/2016 08:37 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16386

You deserved it

2565

Favorite

By Tylerdirdin84 - 28/7/2019 20:00

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1990

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By - 19/1/2017 08:22

Today, the last parking space outside my work was tiny but I tried to parallel park there in desperation. A school kid saw the whole attempt and sarcastically clapped me as I gave up and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5801

You deserved it

1185

Favorite

By freaked out - 30/8/2012 08:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33138

You deserved it

2563

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17697

You deserved it

1751

Favorite

By yeasty - 6/7/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44946

You deserved it

4505

Favorite

By wormsick - 6/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36879

You deserved it

3133

Favorite

By hey-o - 23/2/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48124

You deserved it

10764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2020 14:01

Venmo me

Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1086

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By steppppphhhhhh - 9/4/2013 08:18 - United States - Pacifica

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37716

You deserved it

3470

Favorite

By FireoftheFuture - 2/5/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30885

You deserved it

55757

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31673

You deserved it

83268

Favorite

By organizse - 20/6/2015 14:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26545

You deserved it

2798

Favorite

By Tee - 11/12/2009 09:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22674

You deserved it

4567

Favorite

By deadbeatdad - 15/11/2015 22:35 - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27551

You deserved it

1953

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/1/2016 12:51 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35268

You deserved it

18302

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42560

You deserved it

4008

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By superjewguy | 19

#6561826 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:58

she ain't worried about him, she's worried about bottom line, op dying would be a financial inconvenience for them, that's a crappy mentality, enjoy riding ur motorcycle op, you'll feel so free

By Kaoticwolf | 17

#6561830 - Friday 18 March 2016 15:03

TAKE YOUR BOSS WITH YOU THEN SHE WONT HAVE TO TRAIN ANOTHER :D

COMMENTS

By anyagrande | 31

#6561824 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:55

Well you are a lot more prone to dying when you ride a motorcycle

By M3DO | 24

#6561825 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:55

Well at least she's worried about you..?

M3DO | 24

#6562016 - Friday 18 March 2016 20:57

I know that, I was just trying to get something positive out of the FML.

By superjewguy | 19

#6561826 - Friday 18 March 2016 14:58

she ain't worried about him, she's worried about bottom line, op dying would be a financial inconvenience for them, that's a crappy mentality, enjoy riding ur motorcycle op, you'll feel so free