Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over something that popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
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Top comments
Blue_Black_fml 21
Dear God! I just hope that the test result is negative..
grahmagog 14
Im never suprised by walmart customers any more
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Comments (160)
Ziggy122 15
This is why I prefer Target to Walmart.
knick64 7
They come from... 'Merica!
myalterego2 8
If she would have taken it in the mouth to begin with she would not have had to take a pregnancy test.
schurm82 4
If you had left out the Walmart part most people would have assumed it.
qwertkinz 12
F all of our lives if this is what society has come to.
Skylansmile 11
And who the hell keeps banging them, that they're TAKING pregnancy tests??
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
I love the Walmart related FMLs. They are priceless and this one is gold. Walmart: America's unintentional and disturbing comedy show.
RckRagman 9
People like this are why there has to be directions on shampoo bottles....Just sayin'
lectricpharaoh 9
That, along with a "contains peanuts" warning on a pack of candy-coated peanuts I bought a while ago. It was right by the ingredients, listing- you guessed it- peanuts.
soylentgreens 8
Welcome to Walmart home of the Free, anywhere else they would call the cops or at least have you escorted from the premises.
boboarah79 7
at least she cleaned herself...