By mommycooks - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Interference

Today, my family came over for Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have had dinner hours ago, but my mom kept sneaking into the kitchen and dialing down the temperature on the oven, claiming I was going to overcook everything. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have eaten by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25796

You deserved it

1882

Tweet

Share

Let's go girls!

Insane parents

Give me my drugs!

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37515

You deserved it

2629

Tweet

Share

By lilshoobydoo14 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32310

You deserved it

4312

Tweet

Share

By smells like ass - 2/8/2020 23:03

Gross, dude

Today, my boyfriend has only showered about three times since we’ve been on lockdown. Our whole place smells like a sewer main burst in a pro-sports locker room filled with sweaty nut sacks and dead feet. His excuse? "It’s not like we have anywhere to go babe." I can’t even eat around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1772

You deserved it

346

Tweet

Share

By dodgerkiss - United States

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60106

You deserved it

3631

Tweet

Share

By thedancingtit - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13968

You deserved it

2318

Tweet

Share

By sisi9999 - United States

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41897

You deserved it

3562

Tweet

Share

By Babyhazy - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

13264

You deserved it

1416

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 23:01

Alternative medicine is bull

Today, when my neighbor came over to ask about a serious rash her child had, she totally passed by me, the EMT/firefighter, to ask the hippy pastry chef what she thought of it, and if she had oils to "cure" it. So much for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

982

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27115

You deserved it

9348

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27173

You deserved it

4286

Tweet

Share

By Unluckyducky - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27460

You deserved it

70017

Tweet

Share

By hoolabaloo - India - Ahmadabad

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36609

You deserved it

8038

Tweet

Share

By princess98

Revenge!

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2047

You deserved it

772

Tweet

Share

By TheKingDavis - United States

Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33994

You deserved it

3168

Tweet

Share

By sassman - United States

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46609

You deserved it

4258

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - United States

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10667

You deserved it

35064

Tweet

Share

By Cantgetno - United States

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57266

You deserved it

6799

Tweet

Share

By whatwasithinking - 14/10/2020 17:01

He's let himself go

Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1169

You deserved it

89

Tweet

Share

By recmonty - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22593

You deserved it

2068

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31153

You deserved it

6014

Tweet

Share

By fuckered519 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40073

You deserved it

12517

Tweet

Share

By kise - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10834

You deserved it

33520

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40078

You deserved it

4859

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, it's the 8th day in a row that my mother-in-law has made me drink laxative tea. I still haven't pooped yet and I'm terrified of what's to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7357

You deserved it

627

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10181

You deserved it

26308

Tweet

Share

By that guy - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21812

You deserved it

2277

Tweet

Share

By bellaellaella - United States

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43071

You deserved it

3993

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 02:02

All in the family

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

881

You deserved it

75

Tweet

Share

By talt

Today, I went to the hospital for taking to many anxiety meds cause of a panic attack over my finals. They decided the best way to fix this will be to involuntarily commit me to psychiatric treatment for 72 hours... missing all my finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2629

You deserved it

660

Tweet

Share

By Ihadnoidea - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21291

You deserved it

7028

Tweet

Share

By RIP - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29569

You deserved it

1806

Tweet

Share

By B.. - 1/9/2020 23:00

Bye then!

Today, my girlfriend, after 9 months of coffee shop dates and sharing bottles of wine, relaxing, expressing our love for each other, decided it was time to end our relationship by telling me that she actually wasn't happy, and had her and all of her friends and family block me on every social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1407

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By kthx - Canada

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36605

You deserved it

3482

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1719

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3281

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By itsellie27 - United Kingdom - London

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26143

You deserved it

46721

Tweet

Share

By THATgirl

Today, our wedding venue canceled on us, leaving us 8 months to find another in peak foliage season. My parents contacted the local news over the ordeal, but they're using my name and picture to make me look like a whiny brat who didn’t get her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3970

You deserved it

1161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3235

You deserved it

447

Tweet

Share

By farts

Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3280

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By ClutchJunkie

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9038

You deserved it

1176

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By geekpower_fml | 28

#5175879 - Friday 23 November 2012 2:55

Well, at least you can thank her for one thing: spending more time with your family! They're all going to wait until the turkey's done, right?

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5175889 - Friday 23 November 2012 2:56

Well, by that point it won't matter what the food tastes like, people gonna eat that shit 'til it's goneeee. :)

COMMENTS

By geekpower_fml | 28

#5175879 - Friday 23 November 2012 2:55

Well, at least you can thank her for one thing: spending more time with your family! They're all going to wait until the turkey's done, right?

Reply

honeybadgerr | 9

#5176256 - Friday 23 November 2012 4:26

For some reason I feel like their family is the "everybody loves Raymond" kind of family. If this is, in fact, the case, I'm sure OP is more than happy to be spending time with family lol

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#5176560 - Friday 23 November 2012 6:29

Well I don't know about others family thanksgiving but, my family doesn't leave right after dinner. It's like a mini family reunion for us.

Reply

chell1894 | 13

#5176647 - Friday 23 November 2012 7:50

One part of our family always came right before dinner, chowed down, and left while everyone was still eating. We've stopped inviting them. I think they just wanted free food. But other then that my families the same. Hang out after and play games.

Reply

winkydog4056 | 16

#5176942 - Friday 23 November 2012 9:25

#55_Any neighbors come running in screaming 'help, the pixies took my penis' at YOUR family reunion?

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5175889 - Friday 23 November 2012 2:56

Well, by that point it won't matter what the food tastes like, people gonna eat that shit 'til it's goneeee. :)

By Teyros | 24

#5175912 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:00

Moms will be moms!! Looking to spend as much time as they can and calling you their baby even though you're grown up....

Reply

Harpy20 | 24

#5176972 - Friday 23 November 2012 9:33

She can be mom, but I would definitely tell her to gtfo of my kitchen.

Reply

sulitak | 27

#5406250 - Friday 15 March 2013 7:42

I second this. My Mom doesn't TOUCH my oven. if I have her over for a dinner, I'm cooking.

By patrickalamo | 47

#5175916 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:00

Act like you received a call, run out and get a burger.

By rachelnam | 5

#5175924 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:02

Gobble gobble!! :)

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5176061 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:26

I should sue you for plagiarism.

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5176378 - Friday 23 November 2012 5:07

Calm down there, Apple.

Reply

monstersocks | 5

#5176517 - Friday 23 November 2012 6:01

that's probably what the turkey is saying in the oven.

By chrissy2 | 28

#5175930 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

happyllama12 | 5

#5176229 - Friday 23 November 2012 4:20

LOL the quality of this comment was said by a dumbass!

Reply

meh1420 | 2

#5176250 - Friday 23 November 2012 4:25

I agree

Reply

turkturkington | 13

#5176694 - Friday 23 November 2012 8:21

Shut up, 8.

Reply

chrissy2 | 28

#5176904 - Friday 23 November 2012 9:15

Yeah I kind of thought that when right after I posted the comment. Too bad you can't delete comments. Tried to edit it but I timed out. Sorry guys :/

By Udderboy | 4

#5175931 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:03

Hell, we aren't done eating until 3 am or so on thanksgiving! Just start out later

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5175938 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:04

Get Chinese like in the Christmas story :D

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5176004 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:13

I know OP is talking about thanksgiving, but it's the same type of deal where dinner doesn't work out so they go out for Chinese.

By EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#5175941 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:05

More time to spend with ones family! :D

By teresee | 8

#5175942 - Friday 23 November 2012 3:05

Chinese food, anyone?

Reply

Vimy | 6

#5176376 - Friday 23 November 2012 5:06

I love how the guy 2 comments above you said pretty much the same exact thing but is getting thumbed down.