Today, rather than age gracefully my parents have decided they’re going to be the witch and wizard of our neighbourhood, meaning they grow herbs, redecorated the house atrociously, swapped their clothes for dresses and robes, and smoke questionable tobacco in wooden pipes. God they’re so embarrassing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML
Today, my mum and dad decided that now I’m 18 they’re not gonna sneak around in their own house anymore. So now, when they’re in the mood, they just run past me giggling, hands all over each other, upstairs, and I can hear them up there. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I got home and found out that, because of a burst pipe in their house, my husband's brother's family had moved in. They agreed to only smoke outside, but it’s on their clothes so the house already stinks of cigarettes, and their kids have already broken two things, a plate and the fridge door handle. FML
Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML
Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Today I’d been saving a weed cigarette, which is legal where we live, until my parents went on holiday. I had just sparked up when they came back home after dad forgot his passport. The lecture I had to endure went on for so long, I think I’d have preferred an old-fashioned beating. FML
Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML
Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
I can only hope that with time, you too will reach an age where you reach that zen-level of “idgaf what anyone else thinks as long as I’m not hurting them”. If they’re happy doing what they do then just let them.
legalgravethief 8
They sound cool! If they want someone to have a cuppa tea with them and not judge give me a shout
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Comments (13)
mike3775 39
If you live with them, I feel bad for you, if you don’t live with them, why do you care?
Anderling 33
I can only hope that with time, you too will reach an age where you reach that zen-level of “idgaf what anyone else thinks as long as I’m not hurting them”. If they’re happy doing what they do then just let them.
RichardPencil 32
Senile dementia? Or are they just having some fun before the cold hand of Death comes for them?
2deployments1divorce 11
They sound like fun, you on the other hand...
legalgravethief 8
They sound cool! If they want someone to have a cuppa tea with them and not judge give me a shout
Crowned Sataness 12
oh grow up and let them have a little fun!! they've reached a peaceful level of idgaf. life is better when you aren't worried about what your peers think. they're living for something more than likes on their insta
Nhayaa2.0 17
Freaking awesome.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Nothing wrong with living a little. Now if they start to do it Hogwarts-style in your guest room, definitely have to set some boundaries.
bobsanction 18
Life's too short to NOT be a wizard.
protoskore 27
if you don't want them, can I have them? please?