Hey you, and welcome, my name is Mike…

By paranoid much? - 29/04/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, thanks to too many true crime podcasts and shows, my wife has lost her marbles. She now insists we use code names for our kids while out in public, so that no predators will hear their real names and follow us home to kidnap them. She’s completely serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks 845
You deserved it 105

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Ghostrui 29

This is why when I notice my paranoia gets to be too much I take very long breaks from watching true crime.

I've called my kids Toilet Paper, Bananas, Skittles and Snausages so long, I've forgotten their real names! Skittles is graduating high school soon, so I hope I'm reminded of her real name then.

Comments

Ghostrui 29

This is why when I notice my paranoia gets to be too much I take very long breaks from watching true crime.

I've called my kids Toilet Paper, Bananas, Skittles and Snausages so long, I've forgotten their real names! Skittles is graduating high school soon, so I hope I'm reminded of her real name then.

So are you Jolly Rancher, and your wife/kid's Mom Sugar Baby?

No, my wife is Coffee Filters and I, of course, am Ticonderoga #2.

Trust me, no one wants your kids. I grew up in the “stranger danger” times and literally no one was ever even the slightest bit targeted or groomed. Maybe you live someplace shady but code names are weird. Just don’t post your kids on social media (which is creepy in more ways than what what you mentioned) and maybe get your partner a prescription for Xanax. Or maybe look into moving to a better neighborhood lol

If she knew anything about true crime, she would know most kidnappings are by people the victim knows. So either she’s a complete idiot or she’s planning to kidnap the kids. Either way, divorce the bitch and get custody, and then it might be wise to start using code names.

slhiggx 13

I have 3 kids. In public I call them #1, #2, #3. And we have a safe word. So yeah.