Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML
Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML
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Top comments
pwincessa23 1
hahaha wtf?! this is hilarious though! I'd probably play along or tell him they're Jewish or something.
MrFlintstone 5
ops dad: I comand u to believe cat: meow?!?! ops dad: believe or you'll be damned cat: meow!!! (running away) ops dad: you can't run from god!!!!!!!!!
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Comments (129)
PurpleWaffles 2
did he baptism them too?
imlegend039 4
this is great ;)
eyraoner 0
obviously this is not true , is funny bt not true ,who the **** in their right mind will do sumthin like that .
Fahrenheit63 5
Hahahaha cat priest!
broadway_babe1 0
how does he know they converted? meow twice if your born again?
ADub55 0
ydi for owning multiple cats
beanieboy0789 0
is your truck supposed to be impressive?
hcs4life21 0
You got a problem with Chevy's?
LissaMccracken 23
You're kidding right?
lena6310 0
"**** ancient Egypt! **** cats!!!" lmao
SleepOnStones 5
Your dad's insane. LOL, but in a good way I guess...
taz1 1
So are they now Roman Cat-holics?
Pazu_fml 10
Okay, this deserves applause.
Skills69 0
**** cats
my2centsworth 15
There are laws against that!
snickersxx 0
No **** you.