- FML

By FML Approved

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Walk the line

Long list

Know your equipment

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27066

You deserved it

3536

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By LoveLifeFail - 11/4/2021 14:01 - Canada

Love bites

Today, the man I love showed me the ring he's going to give to the woman that he loves. Who is someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

880

You deserved it

147

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By stumpy

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1821

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By EwokLover17 - United States

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6602

You deserved it

41861

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76869

You deserved it

4445

Favorite

By Spongebob Garypants - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11174

You deserved it

2052

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By Sonakshi - 11/9/2020 13:03 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Detained

Today, I forgot to bring a letter to my secondary school, so I went to detention. I told them it got lost, but it's only when my parents phoned and told them the same thing that they believed it. So I got detention for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

You deserved it

194

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41699

You deserved it

6508

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By cperagui

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4413

You deserved it

847

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By GreenScar - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66696

You deserved it

5610

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By SkyDiver

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18126

You deserved it

42494

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By sciencesadness - United States - Lynnwood

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48188

You deserved it

4319

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Minden

Family man

Today, my fiancé told me that his work is more important than our family. We have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

927

You deserved it

146

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By Alexa23 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

131006

You deserved it

8872

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By Screwed in Seattle - United States

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32832

You deserved it

5457

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By anonymous - United States - Richardson

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13482

You deserved it

60086

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By Anonymous - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41044

You deserved it

2780

Favorite

By Iabnysmwytm - 27/3/2021 16:30 - United States - Bluffton

The asshats always win

Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1335

You deserved it

1022

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1885

You deserved it

1376

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By cherbear1000 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32935

You deserved it

8958

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By single pringle - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41814

You deserved it

4407

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By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Bad timing

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

864

You deserved it

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By CJ - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15108

You deserved it

2287

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By CmS_1733 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23032

You deserved it

3009

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By _RobotInDisguise - United Kingdom

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52702

You deserved it

2936

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Today, after dieting, rigorous exercising and a major lifestyle change, I have finally reached my fitness goal. My parents were more excited about my 17-year-old brother getting to 3rd base with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28129

You deserved it

3102

Favorite

By Anonymous

Thanks for that, dad!

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2365

You deserved it

225

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By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By nerdywaitress - United States - Greensboro

Everyday sexism

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47427

You deserved it

4985

Favorite

By well okay then - United States

You tried

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32922

You deserved it

3439

Favorite

By Anonymous

Call CPS!

Today, I discovered via my webcam that my brother believes in teaching babies to self-soothe, which in practice means ignoring my baby until she stops crying, only changing the nappy once in the 7 hours I was at work, and forgetting to feed her at all because he’s too busy watching Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1920

You deserved it

277

Favorite

By whyme - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28585

You deserved it

41733

Favorite

By Decisions6 - Denmark - Aarhus

Testing, testing, 1-2, 1-2

Today, my therapist made me take a test to see what level my depression was at. There was a whole bunch of questions with multiple answers to choose from. One question was, "Do you find it harder to make decisions?" I couldn't decide which answer to pick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1445

You deserved it

285

Favorite

By fmylifechelsea - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44985

You deserved it

19481

Favorite

By Anonymous - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54633

You deserved it

6690

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By Anonymous

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28113

You deserved it

2654

Favorite

By Quin

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

610

You deserved it

1940

Favorite

By Double Standard - United States - Menasha

Today, my boss yelled at me for having Facebook open at work. That's fine, I closed it and continued on with my work. In a meeting later on I could see the reflection of my boss's laptop screen in a mirror behind her desk. For two hours, I watched her scroll through her Facebook feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2822

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23712

You deserved it

7674

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By MLS - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39288

You deserved it

5338

Favorite

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Top comments

By utzdman55 | 20

#7492159 - Saturday 15 July 2017 4:52

Those aren’t the droids I’m looking for.

COMMENTS

By utzdman55 | 20

#7492159 - Saturday 15 July 2017 4:52

Those aren’t the droids I’m looking for.