Nearly FMLs

By WorksWithMen - 26/05/2016 18:47 - United States - High Point

Today, I got a little cut on my hand. I went to the bathroom and washed it, then checked the first aid for a bandage, only to discover the box labeled "first aid" is really filled with playboys and one fell out. The boss walked up on me, the only woman working there, holding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 14

By lame dude - 26/05/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend had cheated on me numerous times few months back but that's not all, her roommate and her roommates boyfriend are good friends with the guy she cheated on me with. I now understand why they always side eye me whenever I go to her apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 15

By Surewhatever - 26/05/2016 17:18 - United States - Orlando

Today, my former GM finally sent in all the paperwork to transfer. The new location is the one where I had moved in with my bfs family to wait for the job. They kicked me out yesterday for not getting a job fast enough and we broke up. I then had to beg for my old job back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 12

By my bestfriends drunk life - 26/05/2016 16:55 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my bestfriend was so drunk i had to go pick her up at the mc donalds stop light. When i saw her she came up to me, and hugged me amd was petting my head and threw up. and she continued to stroke my head saying 'shhh i puked on you its okay child' FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 72

By dumped - 26/05/2016 16:45 - United States - Metairie

Today, my close friend who had been asking me out for 4 months broke up with me after dating for 3 weeks. I made it known beforehand that I was only dating him because I had feelings but was nervous because we were such close friends. Definitely crushed my heart. Now, though, he wants to be fwb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 48

By a38yolady - 26/05/2016 16:43 - United States - Saint Augustine

Today, after bad health and no insurance cost me everything, I had to live in my daughters shed, using a 5 gallon bucket for toilet, her spoiled rich kid boyfriend kicked me out because...... my daughter got mad at me for being ill and embarrassed in front his family with her snooty friends, FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 31

By apcsox - 26/05/2016 16:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my birthday. For the second year in a row, the most happy birthdays I got were from various apps and forums. On the bright side I get a free popcorn to the movies and I think a small sub from D'angelo. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 36

By emmq - 26/05/2016 16:10 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, it was my first day at my new job. At the interview before, the interviewer mixed up my age with someone else's, so when I told him my correct age, he thought I was nuts and marked me as "mentally ill." Now everybody here is treating me weird and thinks that I need serious help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 27

By Waldo345 - 26/05/2016 16:05 - United States - North Brunswick

Today, I was outed. I'm 43 years old and have been in the closet since I realized I was gay in the 6th grade. Always kept my interests to myself. Well, I left my phone unlocked on the bar, went the bathroom and my Grindr account went crazy. A "friend" looked at it and now everyone knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 36

By CliffyB03 - 26/05/2016 16:03 - United States - Clairton

Today, after being away for a week, I come home only to find dirty counters, no silverware, a sink full of dishes, and dirty floors. There were 3 men here, and all of which wouldn't clean up because it's a "woman's job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 23

By Kira1965 - 26/05/2016 15:38 - Canada - Oliver

Today, I woke up to the sound of the gardener mowing our lawn. We don't have a gardener. Some stranger mowed our lawn and we haven't a clue who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 71

By Masser - 26/05/2016 15:10 - Romania

Today, my dad accused me of using various types of drugs, and that I will never achieve anything in my life. Just because I didn't reply to him fast enough on Whatsapp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 25

By Free Show - 26/05/2016 14:47 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I put on my graduation dress that I tried on a few days prior, I realized not soon after putting it on that when I sit down the dress isn't long enough to cover my ass...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 35

By so_this_is_me - 26/05/2016 14:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I fell asleep during a presentation about sleep deprivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 27

By chunkymcchunkface - 26/05/2016 14:33 - United States

Today, well, last night, I woke up feeling as though I was about to puke. I rushed over to my trash can and blew chunks, then returned to bed, too tired to clean up. This morning I remembered that my trash can is a wicker basket. Strained vomit anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 22

By yaakovb18 - 26/05/2016 14:10 - United States - Washington

Today, I got to my construction site where my job is to vacuum up a 3" layer of water that is covering the entirety of a 1000 square foot basement. Last week when I had left the job I had nearly finished cleaning up all the water. It rained this weekend and flooded the whole thing back up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 13

By ScaredyCat - 26/05/2016 14:06 - Netherlands - Zwaag

Today, my anxiety is so bad I'm afraid to leave the house despite an important appointment because my crazy roommate is home and I'm afraid to confront him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 20

By IamHM - 26/05/2016 13:35 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I went to visit a friend in the hospital. She wasn't there yet because she was taken to get some tests done, so I sat in a chair and dozed off. Next thing I know there's an old lady standing over me with her chest falling out of her hospital gown. I'm straighter than I ever was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 13

By anonymous - 26/05/2016 13:22 - United States - Rochester

Today, my fiancé broke up with me a week before our wedding, why. Her cat told her to. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 13

By Not Teen Parent - 26/05/2016 13:03 - United States - Laurel

Today, an insane woman followed me and my infant daughter around the supermarket, screeching that teenage parents should kill their babies. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 11

By georg20 - 26/05/2016 12:49 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to my mom saying "we're going on a family holiday!!" I replied with "oh cool, where to?", she then says "Oh you aren't coming" FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 12

By band_geek - 26/05/2016 12:28 - United States

Today, I was playing Flag Football with my friends. During one of the plays while on the D-Line, I ran into one of the Offense girls and collided heads on hard enough to get a nose bleed. Now, my boyfriend won't talk to me because people accuse him of being abusive when seeing us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 13

By w0lfie1221 - 26/05/2016 12:20 - United States - Havertown

Today, my six year old son was yelling to me from outside the house. Frustrated because I could not hear him, I told him to come into my office. Turns out, he had stepped in dog poop and was asking about the location of the hose.

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 20

By WhyWhyWhyWhyWhy - 26/05/2016 11:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on my first day as a home health care provider, I walked into my first clients house to find out he had pulled out his catheter, which he was convinced was an "alien magic tube" and was gleefully peeing all over himself and his home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 59

By birdie girl - 26/05/2016 11:04 - United States - York

Today, I realized I have taken more showers with my parrot than my boyfriend. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 26/05/2016 07:54 - Israel - Hod Hasharon

Today. I caught such a bad cold I decided to stay at my parents house for a few days and rest. Instead of my mom taking care of me and making me tea and soup, she got mad that I wasn't feeling well enough to talk to her and went to answer her e-mails. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 44

By Anonymous - 26/05/2016 07:44 - United States - Benson

Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner because my gym membership wasn't supposed to be taken out of my bank account until the 1st. We haven't been on a date in months. The gym took the money out early and my debit card was declined at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 37

By brittanyjane530 - 26/05/2016 07:08 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I got asked "what do you do to get your body like that?" as I went to answer she continued with "just eat evetything in sight? i'm trying to gain some curves." uhhh FML.

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 28

By WhatsNewPussyCat - 26/05/2016 07:02 - United States - Charleston

Today, I've finally begun to realize that my boyfriend calls his cat more relationship pet-names in all of our Skype calls than he ever has me. I've been one upped by a sassy torbie tabby cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 30

By Help me, im single - 26/05/2016 06:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while messaging this guy I like on Facebook, I learned that you can set an emoji as the name of your conversation. Seeing as I want to get with him, I put the heart eye emoji. I didn't know he could see it until he messaged me "we're just friends." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 38

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I've been married for 17 years. I struggle with OCD and there are some things I can't get past mentally. One is tattoos. I have no sex drive toward women with tattoos. Friends only if they have tattoos. My wife knows this issue. My wife got her first 4 tattoos in February. Why?? Sex drive gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 385

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 954

You deserved it 5 832

Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 203

You deserved it 1 428

Today, I encouraged my husband to form a band with some of his other middle-aged friends, I just had no idea they would name their band The Wet Farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 380

Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 467

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 795

You deserved it 6 992