Nearly FML

By CamBam - 18/12/2017 15:27

Today, I walked into school with pajamas on, because of our school webcast, they said it was pajama day today. Turns out, pajama day is actually tomorrow, and nobody is wearing pajamas. FML

agreeclassic 89

vote type 1 42

By whyyyyme - 14/12/2017 16:23 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I finished wrapping Christmas presents in the nice wrapping paper I had purchased before my pay cut. I just realized I forgot to cut off all the clearance price tags on all the gifts. Fml.

agreeclassic 104

vote type 1 63

By Jess - 14/12/2017 08:36

Today I dropped a lit cigarette while driving. It's cool though, I caught it. With my thighs. FML.

agreeclassic 51

vote type 1 168

By Robert - 14/12/2017 02:06

Today, I got the score for a paper on communism back in my college writing class: 45%. It turns out that not only was the USSR not communist, but apparently The National Socialist Party of Germany wasn't socialist either. When I confronted the teacher, he gave me a Communist Manifesto. FML

agreeclassic 102

vote type 1 47

By Anonymous - 13/12/2017 17:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided to clean the "kitchen" of my bachelor/studio apartment. There was a smoothie that I had neglected for about a week (gross) and when I picked it up to dump it, it slipped out of my hand, fell on the floor, and splashed on 3 of 4 walls, my bed, clothes, new shoes, and myself. FML

agreeclassic 51

vote type 1 157

By Why_The_Fuq - 13/12/2017 18:22 - United States - Newnan

Today, I got my PSAT scores back. 1280, in the top 10%... how does my mother react? “You’re an unreliable lazy person because you focus so much on school you act like you don’t have time for a job!”..... No one will call me back for an interview and I’ve applied to 15+ places.... FML

agreeclassic 134

vote type 1 12

By Truffle - 13/12/2017 07:26

Today I got a new baby setting gig.Turns out it for a five year old vegan girl in a minimalist house being raised gender-less who is not aloud to express material "wants" to even the most basic questions ex: do you want food , do you want to go outside. I get to do this twice a week until June. FML.

agreeclassic 129

vote type 1 16

By beybmoo - 13/12/2017 13:07 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, one month fresh into my new job, after working hard to be confirmed in the job so that I can get full salary, I was told by my colleague that everyone dislikes me in the company. FML

agreeclassic 103

vote type 1 14

By Anonymous - 13/12/2017 05:22

Today, we were given a new seating plan at work. Our names were put in our places with post it notes. I wanted to sit next to the guy I like so I secretly switched some of the names so he would be sitting next to me instead of another guy. He ditched to sit elsewhere. No one sits next to me now. FML

agreeclassic 53

vote type 1 106

By "Bitchney1992" - 13/12/2017 03:52

Today I caught the flu which would be fine if I hadn't just had stomach surgery the other day. When I cough I throw up from it hurting my stomach so badly. It literally hurts to be alive. Fml

agreeclassic 116

vote type 1 8

By Anonymous - 12/12/2017 22:25

Today, my mom offered to take me to a restaurant for my birthday dinner, since I have no one to go with. She also took her boyfriend along. I felt like the third wheel on a date. FML

agreeclassic 129

vote type 1 14

By Badday - 12/12/2017 17:53

Today, at work I tried to remove the cap of the superglue with my mouth. There was no cap, and I ended up with a mouthful of superglue. The best part of my day was when my boss lent me his toothbrush so I could "clean out my mouth". FML

agreeclassic 58

vote type 1 107

By cammi - 12/12/2017 16:33 - Bulgaria - Gabrovo

Today I found the Xmas present from my parents: apparently they think a cheap plastic hairbrush, a 1 dollar nail polish and a Made in China nail care kit is a great present. Meanwhile, I received their presents via DHL today: Armani fragrance in 100 ml bottle for each of them. FML.

agreeclassic 106

vote type 1 44

By DinoRexaurus - 12/12/2017 15:00

Today, I asked my art teacher why she gave me a 10 on a project, thinking it might’ve been a mistake. She told me I deserved it since I laughed while presenting. My friend got an 80 and he didn’t even present. FML

agreeclassic 4 679

vote type 1 321

AlyCo55 app_comment_confession_title

AlyCo55 13

Saturday 14 July 2018 12:21

i’m the op, lost my account, my friend finished his in 5 seconds he didn’t try in the slightest, not to mention it’s also a requirement to present

By yourstruly - 12/12/2017 11:39

Today, was the last day of finals for me. When I was leaving class the professor came up to me and inform me on how much of a terrible job I did on my last paper. Told me it's okay, and it won't be in the grade book since "English is not your first language.". I'm majoring in english. FML.

agreeclassic 98

vote type 1 36

By CreepyCreepyCreepy - 12/12/2017 20:53 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, my daughter's friend came over with her dad. I had the unfortunate pleasure of making polite small talk over coffee with this man, who leered at me the whole time like a starving hyena looks at a steak. FML

agreeclassic 123

vote type 1 11

By "novdestiny" - 12/12/2017 17:16 - Australia - Canberra

Today I'm so broke that I'm resorting to selling books. At least I would be if I had enough gas money to get me to the 2nd hand book store. FML.

agreeclassic 93

vote type 1 13

By unplannedparenthood - 12/12/2017 02:42

Today, I finally broke my 5 month dry spell. Too bad the condom broke too. FML

agreeclassic 91

vote type 1 24

By Anonymous - 12/12/2017 00:50

Today...I had an allergic reaction to my new lip balm. I now have a huge blister right in the middle of my bottom lip. 3 people have already asked me if I have herpes. FML

agreeclassic 98

vote type 1 10

By Anonymous - 11/12/2017 15:12 - United States - Las Vegas

I sat down for my final exam, I've been fighting a nasty cold all weekend.\n\nDuring the exam I sneezed so hard that I couldn't cover it in time. I watched in horror as a big, thick, green, glob nail the neck of the guy sitting in front of me and slid down his collar.

agreeclassic 106

vote type 1 20

By ash-ley - 11/12/2017 21:04

Today I found out my boyfriend has a smoking fetish by losing a bet. Guess who gets to spend her Saturday smoking cigarettes in her sexiest underwear while he watches? This girl. FML

agreeclassic 111

vote type 1 68

By Anonymous - 11/12/2017 20:44

A few days ago, I went to an ultra-religious friend’s wedding. When I congratulated the newly wedded couple, he said he wishes I would find a good and loving husband. I am a lesbian in a relationship with a women for almost a year and he knows it.

agreeclassic 108

vote type 1 20

By LittleSnowglobe - 11/12/2017 20:30

Today, my boss let everyone leave an our and a half early because of the beyond terrible snow-weather. It only took me an hour to dig my car free out of the foot and a half of snow, and another 3 hours to finally get home. Usually this is a 45 minute trip. FML.

agreeclassic 88

vote type 1 12

By lonelygirl - 11/12/2017 10:26 - Austria - Graz

Today, I ran into my ex after not seeing him since we've broken up 5 years ago. He was the love of my life, but he left me as he didn't want to have kids as I did at that time. He apparently has two kids now and is happily married. I'm still single. FML

agreeclassic 129

vote type 1 18

By Bad Romance - 11/12/2017 07:12

Today, I decided to treat myself and ordered a large chicken pizza. The pizza was delivered 1 hour later than the scheduled time and was missing the chicken. The company refused to do anything about it. FML

agreeclassic 105

vote type 1 11

By hazardpay - 10/12/2017 23:41

Today an old woman had a diarrhea attack at the store I was in and shat a trail all the way to the bathroom. I was the worker that had to clean it up. ....FML

agreeclassic 105

vote type 1 11

By I'mABalloon - 10/12/2017 19:32 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out why I still have extremely painful bloating, even after not having lactose for over a year. I'm intolerant of the soy milk I replaced it with! I was in less pain with cow's milk! FML

agreeclassic 93

vote type 1 16

By Mike - 10/12/2017 04:33

Today, I tried to buy a homeless person a bottle of water. My card was declined. FML..

agreeclassic 102

vote type 1 13

By Anonymous - 09/12/2017 19:06 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got called by my boss for not showing up to work. Confused, I told her I wasn't scheduled to work today. Her response: "I sent you a picture of your schedule this week." The schedule was for next week, and I was told my job is on the line for this. My aunt is my boss. FML

agreeclassic 115

vote type 1 13

By kel - 09/12/2017 20:51 - United States

Today while at work giving my dementia resident his medication he told me I looked like a caveman, that would be tender with other men. I'm a lady... FML

agreeclassic 74

vote type 1 11

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Keywords

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Top

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

agreeclassic 41 677

vote type 1 4 081

Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

agreeclassic 33 255

vote type 1 2 092

Today, my 97 year-old grandmother told me that if I’m not married and pregnant by the time she goes, I’ll be completely excluded from her will. She went on to say how shameful it is for a woman my age to be single, choosing college over a family. I’m 21 and studying to be an oncologist. FML

agreeclassic 1 685

vote type 1 125

Today, I couldn't figure out why my crush hasn't spoken to me since last October. My other coworkers finally explained that she's still angry at me because I kept referring to her Halloween costume as a "sexy witch costume". As fate would have it, it was just a regular witch costume. It wasn't supposed to be sexy. FML

agreeclassic 685

vote type 1 640

Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML

agreeclassic 678

vote type 1 912

Today, I finally convinced my mother to allow me pursue my dream job after months of begging. I logged in to the college's website to register for the course and found that the final seat had been filled in today and I need to wait one more year for admission. FML

agreeclassic 1 361

vote type 1 352