All the FMLs

Mood ruiner

By Why I'm not religious - 04/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was playing Drawful with my parents and a few friends. We were having a great time, until one of us got a drawing prompt about God. The game doesn't let you use capital letters. As a result, my uber-religious mom went on a massive tirade about not being able to capitalize "God," completely ruining the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 123

Nice timing

By heartbroken - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 258

You deserved it 6 235

Booksmart

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 106

Gimme a break

By anon - 04/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 183

Forever alone

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I'm 23, but my development was starved due to my overprotective parents. My peers never accepted me, even though I tried to find someone to be friends with. To this day, I've been told I come off as creepy by more women than I have fingers on my hands. I feel like a fifteen year-old walking around in a man's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 163

May to August

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 09:00

Today, and after my divorce finalised, I ended up falling in love with a 28 year-old woman, meaning that she's 16 years younger than I am. I knew I might be judged for it but man, I was not prepared for the levels of abuse I’d receive from my family, and even strangers, who see us holding hands in public and feel the need to make cruel comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 314

Surprise arrival

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I just got home in a state of shock. My wife was apparently pregnant without realising it, with no weight gain, then she gave birth at 1 a.m. It was supposed to be a normal Sunday then poof, we have a baby and a house we haven’t baby-proofed. We don’t even have nappies or clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 154

Another fine mess

By Moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 6 715

School sucks

By I didn't let them down - 04/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my PE teacher was yelling at me because I got exhausted too quickly. As we neared the end of the exercise, he declared, "I will let y'all go early if [my name] doesn't give up halfway through this part." With all of the pressure on me, I forced myself to keep going. Then I promptly collapsed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 143

Sir, this IS the internet

By greg - 03/04/2024 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I’m 24 and apparently going back to school and working a minimum wage job is still considered less than the bare minimum. It sounds like something off the internet. However, people’s actions speak even louder than their words. Sorry I wasn’t given everything or blessed with good looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 155

Digging

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter is such a greedy idiot. Her ex was voluntarily giving her over £1000 for the kid but she decided she wanted more, and dragged him to child support court. She’s now only getting about £500 and her ex, who formerly had a great relationship with her, now hates her guts. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 191

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 299

You deserved it 81 122

Road trip

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we drove six hours to get to our holiday cottage only to realise that my girlfriend had forgotten her suitcase. This put her in a bad mood, so she made ME drive six hours back to her flat to get it, then when I got there, I realised HER keys to HER FLAT were still in HER handbag six hours back at the cottage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 325

Unfairly branded

By jake - 03/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, every girl I’ve dated since high school has falsely accused me and spread rumors of me beating them, and of being an “abusive boyfriend.” This is now my reputation around this city. The one thing they all have in common is they each cheated on me with the type of guy they accuse me of being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 165

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, as always, when my dad says he needs my help and that it will only take 15 minutes, it will actually take all day because he doesn't plan ahead. This has happened three times now, so this time I demanded he compensate me for my time if I have to drive out there. He called me an "entitled little shit" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 225

Is this a joke?

By Prank's on me? - 03/04/2024 09:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, I was ordered by our higher boss to buy 15 boxes of pizza for our even higher boss's birthday party. As I called his favorite pizza place to order, I was told to "FUCK OFF!!!" and was blatantly hung-up upon. When I tried to call again, the company number is now barred. Of all the days, it had to be April 1st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 120

That's one expensive hat

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I went off-roading with a group of people. I'd been to wearing a $250 hat while my brother was driving at least 60mph in the dirt, it flew off my head. When I returned to go retrieve it, someone had taken it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 986

Multitasking

By the_dog_sitter - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, I watched as a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was OK but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 016

You deserved it 25 100

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 00:00

Today, in the neon-lit maze of Tokyo, I stumbled, drunk and disoriented, mistaken for a lost sailor. Arrested, I found myself at the wrong naval base. At 3 AM, two stern Master Chiefs arrived, confusion turning to relief as they whisked me away, navigating the streets like seasoned captains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 566

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 160

Not now, Doris

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my mom is in the hospital and I'm sitting by the phone in case anyone calls with news. Each time the phone rings, I bolt upright to answer it. So far I've been woken up by two telemarketers, three robo-calls, and some old lady asking for Doris, who doesn't live here. I can't turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 96

Choose wisely

By limegreenpoopie - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 929

You deserved it 1 629

Tonight on First Dates

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date that went well, until the bill came and she quickly shoved it in my direction, then went to the loo. Rude, but I thought nothing of it… until our waiter took pity and told me I’m the fourth guy she’s had this week who'd been made to pay for her. I paid half, then went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 123

Force of habit

By Muscle memory - 02/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, there was a massive thunderstorm in my area. My first instinct - as well as my parents' - was to go to my sickly grandma's house and make sure she was okay, as she lives alone. As we prepared to step outside, we all remembered a rather crucial detail: My grandma is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 181

Good times

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was visiting my mom for Easter weekend. I rarely visit her, since she lives on the other side of the state. She spent the nicest day of the visit sick all day in bed. It wasn't food poisoning, the doctors don't know what it was, but she was fine the next day, when it was raining and much colder, so no outdoors for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 207

Dating hell

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 09:00 - India - Kolkata

Today, I have dated three people in high school and all of them cheated on me. The first one had feelings for, let's say, person A; the second one had feelings for person B; and the third girl had feelings for both person A and B. So, I ain't gonna be dating anyone any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 129

Tired

By sick of this - 02/04/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I’m tired of women taking drastic measures to avoid me, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Recently, I was talking to an old classmate from high school and she faked deleting her profile to avoid following up with our talk about plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 515

Stranded

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 970

You deserved it 3 675

Stop bringing it up!

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 00:00 - India

Today, I've recently been promoted to a VP at a bank. Despite this, in my parents' eyes, I will always be that idiot two year-old who refused to put his pants on at the cinema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 123

Where is my mind?

By Holy fuck - 01/04/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 149

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The Top

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 499

You deserved it 13 328

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 3 774

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 304

You deserved it 10 007

Today, I learned that there's nothing quite like coming downstairs in a t-shirt and panties, only to discover your fiancé has a bunch of his friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 159

You deserved it 8 583

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 861

You deserved it 6 250

Today, I calculated how long it’s been since I had a partner. Works out to 7 years officially and 11 years unofficially. However, if you count the fact that my deadbeat ex wasn’t ever really present in the marriage, then I’ve been single all my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 163