Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

by Yue / 11/23/2009 at 4:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

by TheGirl / 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

by Nicholasand / 11/23/2009 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Transportation

gsm's comment : As a secondary school teacher myself, I would never even touch a drop of alcohol on a school trip - you are ALWAYS "on duty", even after lights out. You deserve it, and you will probably be fired. No sympathy here.

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Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

by ellie / 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

by worsethanzombies / 11/23/2009 at 11:40am / Spain (Madrid) / Transportation

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

by PaperInfection / 11/23/2009 at 11:19am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2009 at 5:13am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2009 at 4:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

by frenchgirl / 11/23/2009 at 1:59am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

AliasFan4Lyfe's comment : i hope you said something back to him in french lol

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Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2009 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML

by OnlyIfYouLoveMe / 11/23/2009 at 12:12am / United States / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.