Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

by rockefoe / 10/20/2010 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

by Username / 10/20/2010 at 2:08pm / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

by gross / 10/20/2010 at 12:14pm / Australia / Love

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

by rewarded / 10/20/2010 at 10:33am / India (Delhi) / Work

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:11am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

by anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 2:38am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Work

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

by iprobablyhaveherpes / 10/20/2010 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I realized the benefits at Burger King are better than at my company. I'm an engineer, have three degrees, speak three languages fluently, and work at a multi-billion dollar company. The guy flipping burgers has better health care and more corporate 401k contributions than I do. FML

by engineerdude91 / 10/19/2010 at 11:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, for my boyfriend's 19th birthday, I decided to dress up as a sexy cat girl for him, complete with ears, tail, matching sexy underwear, collar and leash. He wouldn't stop laughing. FML

by failed_catgirl / 10/19/2010 at 7:24pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

by Sarah / 10/19/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Money