Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my bestfriends elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML

by ~Mr.Void / 10/08/2010 at 11:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

by Username / 10/08/2010 at 5:30pm / Health

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

by ringhider / 10/08/2010 at 12:55pm / France (Lorraine) / Love

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 12:33pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

by themanzz / 10/08/2010 at 8:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 8:01am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was making my bed which would normally be a simple task, until I leaned into the wooden foot of my bed, and put my entire body weight on my left nut. FML

by Username / 10/08/2010 at 6:53am / Health

Today, I sit here in agonizing pain because of a scoliosis surgery. I have a bunch of painkillers that I need to suppress this incredible back pain. Looks like I can't take any. My mom has hidden them from me because she THINKS I need to be taken off them. I wish my doctor were here. FML

by lmastr64 / 10/08/2010 at 6:31am / Health

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States / Health

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

by udnrizh / 10/07/2010 at 10:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

by hfksorws / 10/07/2010 at 9:57pm / Miscellaneous