doubled01

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Doubled01's favorite FMLs

Overpowered

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 16:01 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years-old and got beat up by a group of 10 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 822

You deserved it 15 602

Mfing kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 934

You deserved it 5 478

Exhausted

By FML - 24/07/2014 15:59 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 554

You deserved it 24 324

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Clive81 - 17/02/2015 20:02 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 429

You deserved it 10 319

Such a sweet little boy

By no, YOU raised him - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said, "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 751

You deserved it 6 767

By Bishop423 - 22/07/2015 04:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 980

You deserved it 2 525

Bishop423 tells us more.

Bishop423 14

Wednesday 22 July 2015 20:19

OP here. Yes it was the same guy both times. The reason why I didn't call the police is because he didn't actually expose himself. He clearly knew that he was doing something wrong because he checked to see if we were watching. I asked two different managers what to do, and both failed to provide a satisfactory answer so I was left to my own devices. The first time I caught him I told him he wasn't allowed to do that. The second time I actually closed the browser and told him that this was the last time this was gonna happen.

Help!

By technicallywroteabook - 21/08/2015 05:15 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 117

You deserved it 17 415

By ANON - 21/08/2015 06:22 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 135

You deserved it 1 641

Health and wellbeing

By fuck - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 358

You deserved it 6 691

By DarkPain - 22/01/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 341

You deserved it 2 471

Not cool, not at all

By dammed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 612

You deserved it 2 199

Check before crossing

By Randy Savage - 02/02/2009 16:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude, how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guy's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 941

You deserved it 71 422

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 202

You deserved it 53 494

By schellbytheseashore - 21/02/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 197

You deserved it 13 414

By secenteenmagazine. - 22/02/2009 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in Seventeen Magazine. They were in the "What not to wear" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 265

You deserved it 13 433

Just a term of endearment

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted, "I'm going to kill you and use your head as a hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 027

You deserved it 45 774

Smooth

By sopathetic - 26/02/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft…" He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina, which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 080

You deserved it 22 082

By xnj319 - 12/03/2009 14:29 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 082

You deserved it 73 882

xnj319 tells us more.

xnj319 2

Thursday 12 March 2009 20:45

There aren't enough words allotted to tell a complete story... My sinuses are ****** in the morning, I can't smell anything until I go blow my nose. It was the neighbour's house across the street, which I can't see from my bedroom. And no, I heard no sirens. I live in a bad neighbourhood and have gotten used to sirens all night long, to the point where they no longer wake me.

By twit - 16/03/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237 752

You deserved it 39 156

DON'T MOVE!

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 859

You deserved it 8 711