LonelyPenguin

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Lonelypenguin's favorite FMLs

By anotherhuman - 30/11/2014 05:48 - United States - Tampa

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

agreeclassic 46 151

vote type 1 3 123

anotherhuman app_comment_confession_title

anotherhuman 31

Thursday 11 June 2015 9:41

It's okay you guys, I got it all sorted out not too long after I submitted this FML. My little sister got in trouble and I received more time on my essay which I passed so everything turned out great on this one. ^__^

Spooked

By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

agreeclassic 42 987

vote type 1 3 691

By hahaohyeahwow - 24/09/2014 04:24 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

agreeclassic 49 309

vote type 1 5 216

hahaohyeahwow app_comment_confession_title

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 19:22

He said he had to poop (lmfao) and did it in there. Also, he cannot do it twice in a night. He literally just passes out. Ha.

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 02:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

agreeclassic 49 341

vote type 1 3 849

Coffee machine goes BRRRRRR

By mee - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Paris

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

agreeclassic 46 693

vote type 1 5 336