The Top

Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!

By Stephie2009 - 30/10/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 722

You deserved it 3 154

By owmyhead - 21/08/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 119

You deserved it 49 693

The definition of irony

By Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 3 054

Backhanded

By Anonymous - 02/07/2012 05:47 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 522

You deserved it 3 179

By Anonymous - 19/05/2019 22:05

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 233

The truth

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 22:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 49 699

By Gross... - 16/08/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 649

You deserved it 3 277

By I hate my job - 08/06/2013 22:20 - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 949

You deserved it 4 313

By twoheadedboy - 06/05/2009 20:46 - Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 590

You deserved it 5 020

By ShiddyDiddy - 26/06/2019 04:39

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:16 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 622

You deserved it 15 037

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 04:05

Today, my husband told me that for our anniversary he will be watching the UFC fight, because it is, "one of the biggest events ever and he just can't miss it." Apparently, our one-year wedding anniversary is not as important. To add to it, he said we should watch it together. Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 582

By sickness_sucks - 15/06/2012 06:19 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 088

You deserved it 17 151

Jamaica? I hardly know her

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 10:58 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 2 473

Grammy award winner

By blow away - 28/07/2014 04:36 - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband played a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 413

You deserved it 4 581

Love is…

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 485

You deserved it 8 884

Man of mystery

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 00:30

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 16:48 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 439

You deserved it 4 069

Class of 2010

By jessii - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 653

You deserved it 3 218

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 528

You deserved it 5 681

By Anonymous - 21/06/2019 04:30

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 287

By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 526

You deserved it 13 221

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Neighbours Health Poopoo peepee Relationship advice I need your advice Relatable Love Heartbreak Camping Holidays Vacation Annoying Mental health Grandparents Music Scary Miscellaneous Awkward Work Suspicious Insects Gross Instagram Facebook Social Media Ironic Healthy Lifestyle Money Fast food

The Top

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 398

You deserved it 5 236

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 216

You deserved it 6 073

Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 069

You deserved it 4 199

Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 013

You deserved it 74 083

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 18 585

Today, it's been a few months since I spent about three weeks in a relationship with a woman at work, who then left me to get back with her ex-husband. For some reason she reported us both to HR for our inappropriate relationship. My future at this company now rests on a meeting I have this afternoon with HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 333