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By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 924

You deserved it 3 250

By whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 660

You deserved it 3 275

Man of mystery

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 193

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 524

You deserved it 5 679

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 17:39 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 41 830

By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 13 220

Deal or no deal?

By toughlove - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 622

You deserved it 2 706

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Spicy

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 584

You deserved it 6 967

Absolute beginners

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 20:00 - Spain - Ripollet

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 960

You deserved it 5 976

Check yourself

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 14:58 - United States - Bothell

Today, the dorm above me had their toilet pipe break and leak through my ceiling, so I have to move rooms. The worst part was I answered the door to let the repairman in while I was in pajamas, but he looked uncomfortable. I didn't notice until he left that my 'thing' was poking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 482

Bad timing

By Homeless? - 07/11/2016 11:07 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 188

You deserved it 1 262

By Frustrated - 13/07/2019 22:30

Today, I couldn't convince my grandmother that no matter how much she called AT&T, they will not come and fix her dead computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 142

By UniqueKay - 15/07/2019 06:06

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 034

You deserved it 155

Quite rightly so

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I was told my eldest grandson doesn't want me at his birthday party, nor does he want my gift. It would seem he and his younger brother still haven't forgiven me for my prank on Easter, when I tricked them into thinking I was taking them to the 'Big Neighborhood Egg Hunt', when really we were going to church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 3 931

Well done!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, after dieting, rigorous exercising, and a major lifestyle change, I have finally reached my fitness goal. My parents were more excited about my 17-year-old brother getting to third base with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 3 233

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 289

You deserved it 4 621

By fuq - 22/05/2012 18:42 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 898

You deserved it 2 780

By pzy - 24/10/2016 15:46

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 822

You deserved it 701

By Anonymous - 29/04/2013 16:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 800

You deserved it 13 345

By Silver_Jet - 30/08/2015 14:09 - Canada - Beamsville

Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 544

You deserved it 2 280

Silver_Jet tells us more.

Silver_Jet 10

Monday 31 August 2015 13:35

Op here didn't login to post because I didn't think it would get published. I want to clarify a few things. #1 I'm not on welfare. #2 I work part time but my employer doesn't want me to get another job. #3 I work overnight shifts for below minimum wage. #4 I needed a college diploma to get this job.

Check before you wreck

By Kailey - 28/10/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 322

You deserved it 33 996

Don't worry, IQ ain't real

By snathans - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 374

You deserved it 80 045

Very very frightening

By graham - 11/01/2020 14:00

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 360

By Lizofsmeg - 26/10/2009 16:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 380

You deserved it 2 660

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 582

You deserved it 4 485

By gl0b3suck0r - 08/05/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 422

You deserved it 4 649

By Username - 06/07/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 418

You deserved it 4 107

By beablue18 - 04/07/2011 00:27 - Germany

Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 800

You deserved it 2 996

End of the line

By almost - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a rollercoaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 668

You deserved it 400

By Anonymous - 04/05/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 197

You deserved it 3 574

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Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 939

You deserved it 8 616

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 247

You deserved it 2 685

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 201

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 993

You deserved it 298

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 559

You deserved it 720

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 093

You deserved it 6 911