The Top

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What?

By what? what? what? what? - 17/02/2022 06:00

Today, no matter how hard I try, I simply can’t understand my professor’s incredibly thick accent. When I asked if anyone else in class was having trouble, they accused me of being a racist ass. I genuinely have no idea what he’s saying, and no one will share notes with me. Lectures are mandatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 185

By mario - 02/03/2019 19:00 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 207

Hard knock life

By rockytrolley - 08/10/2014 09:01 - Cyprus

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce, and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting another taxi from his place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 517

You deserved it 3 693

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 482

You deserved it 7 998

Sexy talk

By hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 340

You deserved it 8 511

By Carrie G. - 27/07/2012 00:46 - United States - Holland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 715

You deserved it 2 455

By dickbag - 25/11/2015 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 529

You deserved it 1 458

By idk ask freud - 04/07/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 780

You deserved it 9 920

By ironic driver - 04/09/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 594

You deserved it 4 626

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 20:50 - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 011

You deserved it 17 933

By Anonyme - 22/10/2013 07:13 - France - Rouen

Today, I found a pad in my son’s underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 56

By Anonyme - 24/07/2010 15:09 - Israel

Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays. As he got out, I could see he was disappointed so I asked him what was wrong. “It’s lame, we’re not even going to learn how to make fireballs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 76

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 863

You deserved it 5 293

Spelling is hard

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I finished a 50-page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 208

You deserved it 39 866

By anonymous - 14/07/2012 05:06 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 555

You deserved it 9 915

By wantsleep - 28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 789

You deserved it 329

By Anonymous - 26/12/2016 05:59

Today, I dropped the collection basket during Christmas Mass at my Catholic church. Money and checks fell all over the floor and everyone was staring at me. I was too stunned to even pick it up. There were about 1,500 people from our town there and my family won't stop bringing it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 619

You deserved it 1 570

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 151

By owmyhead - 21/08/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 118

You deserved it 49 684

By Failure - 22/12/2016 03:32

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 882

You deserved it 943

By Misky - 02/07/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 28 486

By Anonymous - 19/05/2019 22:05

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 232

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 391

You deserved it 2 582

By twoheadedboy - 06/05/2009 20:46 - Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 584

You deserved it 5 018

By pimmster - 14/12/2016 16:54 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, I wanted quiet time, so I decided to go out for a walk in the dark. It was cold, so I made a mess of my room trying to find my favourite hat. When I got back home, I was greeted by my mother in tears with cries of, "Oh thank god you're back!" She thought I'd run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 110

You deserved it 1 155

pimmster tells us more.

pimmster 5

Thursday 15 December 2016 14:10

I'm 19 so it is a Fml

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 21:13 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 459

You deserved it 6 185

Overreacting a tad

By phonnah - 20/06/2012 17:59 - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 405

You deserved it 3 235

So generous

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 203

You deserved it 7 115

By ShiddyDiddy - 26/06/2019 04:39

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 205

Heated debate

By Username - 07/08/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 067

You deserved it 16 490

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my obsession with Polish women tried to "graduate" and become my religion. The obsession I had caught from hearing other dudes' ethnic fetishes online was about to become the start of a New Religious Movement. Now I'm stuck with the realization that I have an incredibly cringey brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 633

Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 459

Today, on day one of opening my first restaurant, a customer complained his chicken fried steak contained only steak and no chicken. I thought he was taking the piss but no, he was just that dumb, and he refused to leave until he got a refund despite having eaten it all. I had to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 72

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 357

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 340

You deserved it 648

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 156