Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
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Top comments
OcampoFTW 4
At least she told you bout it
danford80 0
Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!
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Comments (207)
bibbit 0
First!
OcampoFTW 4
At least she told you bout it
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
Don't be silly, wrap your willy!!!
ItsTheKing 10
No Glove No Love!
Kyzahhh 7
If you think she's spunky wrap your monkey
TwitchingNebula 17
Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.
tybtab 5
COMBO BREAKER!!!!!
ItsTheKing 10
Damn you 27 with your combo breaking abilities!
fatfatgoeshome 8
You'll get an infection if you don't use protection!
krazy_glu3 0
Tell her 'please don't get mad if you notice herpe like bumps on your gentalia. Sorry in advance'
Deathhound 27
Oh man, I hope you don't have a rash, lol
a_nutritionist 10
@43 dont have sex anytime soon, if you think someone alerting you to a possible STI requires an immature douchebag response then you should seriously consider celibacy.
Quasar55_fml 18
Don't be daft, wrap your shaft !
Xtra_Cheddar 3
Don't give birth wrap your girth
MaCOOLiT 5
Ahh, the gift that keeps on giving!
zachherbert 10
Don't be a fool, wrap your spool? No One fish two fish, red fish blue fish? The cat on the hat, took a big shat? Look at that monkey, get down and spunky? Why I no GOOD at witty sex rhymes?
smilessss 4
Wrap it before you tap it!
monkeys1315 0
You should probably get that checked out
ThatOneCanadian 0
Well then they obviously didnt use a condom, so OP shouldve said "if you notice you're pregnant, my bad"
auriane_fml 19
@ 106 I was going to say the same thing, but you beat me to it :(
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Don't be a dummy, cum on her tummy! Wait, that doesn't fit. Take it slow, make her blow. No, that's not it, either. Ahh, I've got it now. DON'T **** NASTY BITCHES! That's better.
elizabeth9m 4
Put the beanie on the wienie .
BShady96 0
when she's about to lick, wrap your dick
ppatty 0
that's all epic lol
toqwert 0
Don't be hick, cover your dick...
mgon93 0
Wtf..
armyboy00025 3
Cage the snake, then shake and bake Wrap it with foil before you check her oil Cover your vein then drive her insane Wrap your stump before you hump Cover Ol' Willy then bang her silly Don't be a dumby, cum on her tummy
SidekickCookie 0
when she gives you affection you better wear protection that ***** might have an inffection are you paying close attention ?
SidekickCookie 0
when she gives you affection you better wear protection that ***** might have an inffection are you paying close attention ?
SidekickCookie 0
when she gives you affection you better wear protection that ***** might have an inffection are you paying close attention ?
isetdaronfire 0
nice ISMFOF reference ;D
kelsey_katie 17
137, Smosh, Sex Ed Rocks Right? Aha(:
Honda288 2
This comment made my day!
Pebbles89 9
Ya think? Haha :p
Randuhh_17 4
Don't make a mistake! Muzzle your snake!
fakeaccountX 6
The cat sat on the mat.
Jdimp 1
LMAO AT COMBO BREAKER
01sparkly 15
Yeah, she said sorry too!
Rallred32 20
Don't be an idiot! Schlick it before she licks it!
danford80 0
Wow. Anytime a conversation starts with please don't be mad or we need to talk it never ends well!!
TwitchingNebula 17
And never start off a sentence with "your ****** mother..."
ItsTheKing 10
Your ******* mother.... Is the greatest person I ever met.
slushpup9696 12
We need to talk... about how awesome you are. Can you give me some tips?
morgan320 0
Please... Teach me how to be so awesome.
baddud300 6
Please don't be mad but I just left my bag full of $100 bills and I'm going to need you to watch it for me.
hoodasswhitekid 0
Hey bro don't be mad but I accidentally ran over your cat last night. My bad.
danford80 0
Ya I learned that one the hard way!
Troller20 0
thats ******* gross.
Igotothegym 3
Its only a rash
cIickhere 5
No pain no gain!!!!
GlitteryMasakali 1
So "Candy" understood it was your friends idea to get u a surprise hooker and let you cane her in jail.. ?!
xexu13 3
wrong FML glitter...
skatingalyy 0
I'm pretty sure they were making a reference. :D
johobus28 26
Wouldn't telling him in advance be telling him BEFORE doing it?
Casrein 0
Best not scratch it ._.;
Waffl3z 8
I suggest getting "the test"
ohSNAPyall 27
And asking her what you should be testing for.
HomeAl0ne 20
One of those ones that tell you what career you are suited to. I suggest funeral parlor director for you
diva_lulu 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
i suggest the same gosh Well that suck
CassieMarieee 7
I think it's truly considerate on her part to give you a heads up(: Hahahha fyl.
daka_fml 5
Haha spot on
ashes1005 0
She should have said something before they slept together though
missstegner 0
Yeah, AFTER he's probably already contracted the STD!
dubstepp 15
Yeah really. Suprised to had the guts to tell you!
BrianAlarcon 0
Your first comment on "FML" N u got 60 thumbs up on it congrats!(:
CassieMarieee 7
That's pretty exciting right?! Hahaha thanks(:
BrianAlarcon 0
Aye at least she told you
Dante17 6
But she didn't she had to speak up, that means she doesn't give a damn and had her fun damaging others
muhilrashid 4
Are you positive ?
j_cat187 20
I'm not just positive, I'm HIV positive.
HeyImJuli 3
I think that was the point...
crisscolferlove 0
It was suppose to be an STD joke...