Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
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Top comments
dontbegayy 0
dump him .
redbluegreen 41
And you want to marry someone so absent minded?
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Comments (249)
dontbegayy 0
dump him .
harro1337 0
Sounds like a huge amount of bad things happening at once...
redbluegreen 41
And you want to marry someone so absent minded?
EverWatcher 0
On the (generous) assumption that all this is true: 1] ****-punch 2] public shaming and embarrassment 3] call off wedding 4] sue Seriously, I'm having a tough time with all this.
commentgirl 8
There's always "all of the above."
awsnapitsrachel 0
lol, i guess it sucks to be you. but at the same time, ydi for being engaged to an idiot. tacos > blowing out a candle? yeah.....
sunshyne84_fml 0
u picked a winner
rice_cake 0
What an idiot. Typical male... I feel incredibly bad for you, dear. FYL for sure.
tworkman 2
Typical male? Isn't that a little sexist? To OP: I'm sorry this happened, assuming it's true.
minesbiggerr 25
Ian's what if the fiancé was a fiancée? Then it would " oh forgive her it was probably hormones" or some shit give me a break sexist pig
sophiehelen 32
No it wouldn't. She'd still be called stupid as its an incredibly stupid thing to do
manowarkidd 8
what do you mean typical male? thats one male out of like millions of men. i saw a sheet that said bakesale for equality from a feminest party and the price for men was way higher. so i guess those are "typical" females then right???
noshitsherlock 0
You deserve it because you're with someone that stupid!!!
Siren_00 0
And that's the man you're going to marry.
Squirrtxx 0
Omg, I want a taco now! ..sorry bout your house, dude. Fyl. Seriously. But I have to admit, I laughed hysterically when I read this because, sadly, I can see myself doing something like this.. OMG FIRE!!! Oooooooh... Taco.
ilovefatcats 12
stupid boys...
peachgurl 0
well then why are you going to marry someone so stupid? don't complain, it was kind of your fault for choosing someone like that.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Seriously? And you admit that online for the world to see? I grew up on a farm and there, if you don't think about what you are doing or you ignore smoke, open gates or even just a plastic bags tossed where animals can eat it, livestock dies and livelihoods get burned or flooded. OP, please, choose someone who knows how to man up when shit goes down.