Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML
Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML
Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML
Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend keeps asking me to get her name tattooed on my chest. At first I thought she wanted a romantic gesture, but now she asks me to do it so often, it’s starting to feel more like she wants to cattle brand me as my owner. FML
Today, my mother threatened to disown me if I didn't break up with my tattooed girlfriend. FML
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML
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Top comments
Yousuck24 21
I would of laughed too...
gabbiechaoss 5
If she does, you can forget about doing it doggystyle. Instant mood killer.
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Comments (144)
Yousuck24 21
I would of laughed too...
ClassyCommando 13
Just be glad she didn't mention her plan to get Justin Bieber's face on her thigh and a "YOLO" tramp stamp.
hotshot2626 9
She just wants to branch off and explore her artistic side lol.
theten_fml 9
Sue her!!! Oh wait no suing in this FML? Sorry too quick on the trigger.
rosesofash860 8
What's worse than having a exes name stuck on your body? I'm pretty sure a "Cullen tree" tat is. I'd rather have a dick tattoo.
laden_swallow09 35
*would have ;)
sincerelyjay 13
Don't forget the SWAG tattoo!
4everblackjack 10
1- Oh, I spot Psy.. Op-Op-Op-Op Oppa Gangnam Style!
sens3sfailing 25
I once asked someone about swag and they claimed it was their individual look and persona. I responded by saying, "so you're being an individual and having swag by being like everybody else and dressing and talking the same? Wouldn't that mean that I (I am a metal head with band t-shirts) have more swag than you?" they looked at me dumbfounded and then brushed it off that they were more original than me. I had 100 people in my grade and rarely had a band shirt on anybody had ever heard of before...the conversation didn't end well for him...he related his story to the deep lyrics of lil Wayne...*snort* sorry, couldn't keep a straight face!
kathuzada 6
I would have gathered my stuff and left
beccaishereyay 11
She seems like a catch.
onlychildFTW 34
I think everyone would have laughed thinking its a joke. Then been weirded out finding out she's serious.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
She is a catch. Now let her ass go.
stsguitar23 4
Catch... As in like catching the flu, or some other virus?
dapickle 9
Hahaa
gabbiechaoss 5
If she does, you can forget about doing it doggystyle. Instant mood killer.
ClassyCommando 13
I showed my friend this FML. He said "I'd rather get the entire English monarchy's family tree on my back." He's Irish.
gc327072 31
I'd rather get "Loyal to the crown" on my back. And I'm Thomas Jefferson.
TrueTriage 16
I'd rather have a confederate flag, and I'm Abraham Lincoln
SenselessPattern 12
I'd rather get a "Judas BFFs 4 life!" and I'm Jesus.
360XBOXFTW 0
91 ruined it
SenselessPattern 12
Shit. Well, I'm off to the executioner. To make it up to everyone's braincells for reading that, you can choose between submerging me slowly into a vat of acid, forcing me to watch Spiderman 3, or sending my soul to Oblivion.
BabySparkle1 15
How old is she? 8?!
MelissaHope1986 8
If she wants you to read twilight to her before bed time she's to young for you bro . Lol
Kallian_fml 21
If she were 8 it wouldn't bother me as much. Sadly, I'll assume she's at least a teenager, obviously one that has allowed the irreversible cancer of stupidity to affect her entire body. This generation makes me sad...
airforce987 20
Ask her if she would get tattooed glitter to match as well. Actually, better yet, don't. That would probably give her the idea to do it.
Chibaya 9
I don't understand....did you not break up with her?! Why not?
ajnorma 16
I moderated a FML where the guy said he broke up with a girl for getting a Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. Wondering of this is the same guy?
MidnaLink 35
Because a stupid tattoo that you don't like would be a stupid reason to actually break it off with someone! Inless it's of an Ex gf/bf...
laden_swallow09 35
If the whole tree is tattooed on her back, it'd have to be rather big to show any real detail, even if it's just a relatively few… erm, relatives. I imagine she'd want portraits of everyone and not just names, pretty leaves on the branches and everything. If that be the case, it would definitely be a valid reason to break it off. Again, I'm speculating, here.
ajnorma 16
I moderated a FML that said a guy broke up with his girlfriend for getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. Wondering if this is the same guy?
crash992 1
Wow. #3 hahaha you made my day that's funny.
tne201992 12
Umm, it's called commenting? lol
imavelociraptor 6
Actually it's called replying...
missmisery86 11
nevermind
Tolarie 13
Not a keeper
rocketpopper1030 11
I wanna see that tattoo after she turns 85
drkate25 30
Her "family tree" will look more like a weeping willow.
zero91 4
dont let her do that . be firm about it
EyesofStone 27
Because her boyfriend has authority over her actions. Seriously. Everyone else might think it's stupid, but ultimately it's her body and she can do what she wants to it.