Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife texted me, saying an expensive piece of furniture had been delivered. I specifically said, "Wait until I get home and we'll put it together." An hour later, she opened it and broke it beyond repair while trying to assemble it herself. FML
Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML
Today, my husband moved all the furniture a few inches to the left because he saw online that it makes moving around the house really difficult, and he wanted to test it out. Unfortunately, the one who tested it out was me; I got home, went to sit down, and broke 2 toes on the coffee table. FML
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML
Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
She was talking about YOU, silly! She already wants to marry you! :D
CitrusGirl 0
You are probably a very unobservant fellow. If she's your neighbor you should probably see his car at least.
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Comments (117)
CitrusGirl 0
You are probably a very unobservant fellow. If she's your neighbor you should probably see his car at least.
Flammin8 0
pictures on the wall...?
oliver86 8
didn't say whose house
ulicksam 0
The husband isn't going to come over to fix this guy's couch. Duh!
pink_mess 0
are you seriouse i mean being naighbors hello wouldnt you have noticed ? her husbad
xCatsPwnU 0
103- Are you serious?
DenBriZel 31
Serious* Neighbors* Husband* Come on now..
lhgurlz 5
if your her neighbor you should know she has a husband
kelserzzzz 0
exactly.
HesJustTheBest 0
Well at least you'll have something to talk about once you finally meet this person.
IVANTTOCOME 0
Your neighbor is Bob Villa.
DrAwesome 6
She was talking about YOU, silly! She already wants to marry you! :D
juliahockey 0
aw. how cute :D
ThePillow 0
awh:)
TheNinjaBuffalo 0
awhhh! that's positive(:
Zach_Puncake 14
Mhhm
mathew17986g 2
YDI for not knowing she is married...i mean really come on how do you not know something like that...
RonnieBurgundy 0
Come on what?
wjjq13 0
in the milk
RedPillSucks 33
@29 Clearly he came on the couch.
ydi_4_suking 20
It's okay. Noone ever notices the husband
starile 20
Not that they matter or anything, right?
Autoshot 9
The husband will probably matter when your looking for your teeth in the mud.
CANNIBALx 0
#34, why would you assume that the husband is physically stronger than the person the wife is cheating on the husband with?
Brandi_Faith 34
it's not about the fact of whether the husband's stronger or not, I think it's more of a passion/adrenolin someones been sleeping with my wife in my house kinda thing.
demarcusT 0
what if the op is a 350 pound buff ass bodybuilder who has a 9th degree black belt and the husband is a skinny dude who fix couches for a living?
J1LT 0
If the OP had a 9th dan black belt... He wouldn't need to be a body builder or 350 pounds... :') just saying.
Illblowyourmind 3
damarcus, your comment made me laugh :D
psycho9631 1
he (the husband) doesn't need to be buff to pull a trigger! just saying :)
doglover706 0
maybe they have an open relationship....or maybe not
macskapingvin 0
She probably didn't know about your wife, either.
ImFreeFalling 0
Um wow. You would think that he'd ask beforehand if she was married before they had sex. Unless she lied and said no, then it would be a completely different story.
starile 20
He made assumptions, thinking this woman wasn't an adulterous *****. Ah well.
Emilyinroom483 7
That's not a question people generally think to ask. It's not like you ask your friends if they have bear traps lying around their home before you enter, you just sort of assume.
DocBastard 40
I would think a man WOULD ask that before sticking his dick into the unknown abyss. Maybe that's just me.
RedPillSucks 33
"Unknow Abyss"? Damnit Doc. *voice of Stewie* My sex life is ruined. Ruined!
KVloveBC 0
He probably wanted sex anyways!
zach5432 3
doc. I'm sorry to break it to you but real men like sex. you prob have 20 years on me and I know that it's common sence