The Top

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Suspicious

By GabrielleB - 12/07/2023 06:00

Today, I confronted my 32 year-old boyfriend about texting his 17 year-old female coworker. He says they only talk about “work related things and video games” and not about “sex or anything.” What work related things could they be talking about all day and all night long? They work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 212

Sexed to death

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 12:00

Today, I just got home from the police station where I had to explain that the guy I drunkenly hooked up with last night died in the middle of sex from a brain aneurysm. He had no wallet or anything, just car keys, so all I could tell the cops was his first name, that’s it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 361

Tell us more in the comments

By XRP123 - 11/08/2023 16:00

Today, another typical interaction with my ex-wife, which is always fun. Her: "Thank you for the e-transfer. When do you get back today?" Me: "Drop the kids off after 4." Ex-wife: "Sure. You could treat me with decency instead of acting like a controlling dictator." Eight more years of nonsense. I sure can pick 'em. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 968

Nice try

By trojan72 - 13/06/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 965

FML's Showdown #13

By Louis - 14/06/2017 21:30

Another selection of contenders for this week's crown, with this time bad dance moves coming under close scrutiny.

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 187

My Love Life in a Nutshell

By shadybarbie - 29/07/2017 13:00

Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 533

You deserved it 911

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 11:01

Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 561

Very very frightening

By graham - 11/01/2020 14:00

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 360

One Word: Diabeetus

By jmove - 07/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 303

End of the line

By almost - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a rollercoaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 675

You deserved it 403

Good enough

By SarahAnne - 13/08/2019 22:00

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I think I'm average looking. He told me that it was OK, unless he wakes up tomorrow with some standards, I'm good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 450

Assumptions

By Uglyandfat - 10/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was walking home when I heard a male voice behind me yelling, “Hey! Hello!” I walked faster and grabbed my pocket knife, turned around and pointed it at him. He just wanted to hand me back the keys I'd dropped. He then added something like, "Oh, and don’t get it twisted, you’re too fat to be kidnapped and raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 2 007

Ménage à nope

By 3somer - 20/08/2017 04:29

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 5 206

Hangry

By Oops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bakewell

Today, I had a hotdog. I thought the skin was a bit tough but ate it anyway. After reading the packaging later I found out that each hotdog has an individual plastic wrapper. I ate plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 4 221

By Anonymous - 29/08/2017 16:00

Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 397

You deserved it 1 097

Seriously?

By sadgirl - 24/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 207

By Ew-dles - 09/09/2017 20:00

Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video. As I scooped up the last bits, I realized the clump of seasoning I had been saving for last was actually a dead fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 522

You deserved it 711

By Renna303 - 18/09/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 562

Mirror, mirror…

By littlelia - 15/09/2019 14:00

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 150

Love is love

By PetNameNoy - 08/05/2021 23:59

Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment and is making me sleep on the couch, all because I said I loved my best female friend. I meant loved like family. She still won’t hear me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 806

Baywatch

By Anonymous - 03/10/2017 01:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 371

You deserved it 526

Snoop

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 20:00

Today, I went through my boyfriend’s emails and found out that he cheated on me the day before he asked me to move in with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 357

Phones, how do they work?!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, a voicemail suddenly appeared in my messages. Last week I missed a call from an Unknown caller, and no number was listed. Turns out they wanted to arrange an interview for a job I really wanted. They left a number in the voicemail, telling me to call them back that day if I was interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 436

With friends like her, who needs money?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 22:01

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 385

Impossible relationship

By Anonymous - 05/11/2019 16:30

Today, I had another dinner with the girl that I started dating a few weeks ago. During dinner, we talked about our families. We realized that we're actually cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 217

Asshole Design

By thehaystackerine - 01/03/2020 12:00

Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 314

So shite

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 18:00

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 388

You deserved it 367

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 328

shrinks into corner

By Ally - 24/03/2018 05:00

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 766

You deserved it 672

By Stephanie Peugh - 16/04/2018 01:30 - United States - Loudonville

Today, during my daughter's 8th birthday at a skating rink, a family showed up that didn't RSVP. The mother brought all 3 of her kids and left them at the party alone. She didn't feed them lunch and they followed me around the whole time asking for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 385

You deserved it 327

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The Top

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 117

You deserved it 2 012

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 973

You deserved it 28 626

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 048

You deserved it 42 499

Today, I gave my son a job as a shelf stacker in one of my stores. He is in his thirties and is so dumb that he has been fired from every other job for incompetence. I don’t want him to starve or lose his flat, but I also couldn’t give him an important job in case he screwed it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 202

Today, I took my new puppy to the dog park, proud of my cute little fluff ball. Instead of behaving nicely like the other dogs present, my dog ignored every toy, treat and friendly dog, and ran straight into a pond. He emerged soaked, covered in mud, and proudly dropped a muddy stick at my feet like it was a trophy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 410

Today, after my relationship ended in a shambles, my partner finally moved out and we were broken up, now, just as I started talking to others and feeling OK with being alone, she revealed that the break was temporary and that she has to move back in temporarily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 275