Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Lobby_Bee 18
Maybe cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze? Lesson learned, the hard way.
wafflesandwich 4
thought we all learned to cover or noise when we sneeze as a kid, but maybe that was just me
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (10)
Lobby_Bee 18
Maybe cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze? Lesson learned, the hard way.
RichardPencil 32
First rule of entertainment: Don't eat in front of your fans.
WyldGundam 19
The new, effective way to disarm attackers: The Hot Snot Rocket. Get yours today!
semple7 15
At least your eyes were already closed
Druu 53
And that's the SECOND WORST thing you can spray into your eyes.
wafflesandwich 4
thought we all learned to cover or noise when we sneeze as a kid, but maybe that was just me
wafflesandwich 4
thought we all learned to cover or noise when we sneeze as a kid, but maybe that was just me
PotetGull99 2
Your fan was just so happy to see you and wanted to share what you gave it!
Lemou_fml 25
One big YDI. Cover your mouth, you're not 5 are you?