Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I left my husband in charge of the house for a day. When I returned, I saw him gaming through the window, so I stormed in and yelled at him. Then, my eyes adjusted, and I saw the neatly folded laundry, clean kitchen, vacuumed rugs, and my son, who was asleep until I woke him. Whoops. FML
Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML
Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML
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Top comments
mssileas 25
Jesus, not goldfish crackers! Seriously, if your kid making a mess is already an FML for you, you might wanna give him up for adoption before he hits puberty.
Charlie Given 28
Lol wait till there's at least two or more 5 yr olds loose in your house, you'll blink and poof the house is destroyed 🤣,just make picking up the toys a game it's alot easier then ya think
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Comments (10)
mssileas 25
Jesus, not goldfish crackers! Seriously, if your kid making a mess is already an FML for you, you might wanna give him up for adoption before he hits puberty.
julfunky 29
Sounds normal.
Charlie Given 28
Lol wait till there's at least two or more 5 yr olds loose in your house, you'll blink and poof the house is destroyed 🤣,just make picking up the toys a game it's alot easier then ya think
Leviathene 34
You poor dear.... *eye roll*
Emiweb 9
If your son is old enough to be left home alone to do that (which is kind of the implication given here, deliberate or not, based on the wording) then he can probably pick them back up again. Besides age, we also don't know how many toys he has for reference. He could only own two toys and have five crackers. Unless I've missed a detail somewhere.
MamaChey 24
Unless your son is 15, then you might want to also blame the child’s caretaker
horsebabe86 11
That’s what kids do. You think one kid making messes is bad? Try having four! Suck it up, buttercup! It’s what you signed up for when you became a parent.
gsouther 11
That’s what kids do, who was supposed to be watching him?
HotDog300 8
Haha let him be a kid.
Austen Belongie 7
Oh no! I absolutely hate it when my toddler has actually played with his toys and eaten. I'd rather he not be seen or heard! 🙄🙄 Be a parent, help teach him cleanup. Be kind with it and show him to put things away, complaining online makes it seem you believe being a physical parent and not just a monetary one is too hard. Why I laugh when my dad said he raised us. No, mom did. You complained about being a dad when you were home.