The Top

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Rites of passage

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I had to console a crying teenage boy, who'd realized he had been set up for a prank date at the restaurant I work at. All I could think about was how I used to set boys up on prank dates when I was his age. I had no idea how damaging it actually was on the receiving end, and now I can't stop hating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 2 874

Mystery shutdown

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife always told me she loved sex too much to ever give it up. I don’t know what’s happened recently but she’s now angry for no reason, bitter at the world, makes me suffer just for existing, and yes, she’s cancelled all intimacy and sex for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 173

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 14:29

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 646

HELP!

By Professional - 29/05/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 4 086

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

By TrashlifeKaylala - 10/07/2019 00:01

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 190

Overfamiliar

By Miscellaneous - 17/06/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 918

You deserved it 682

Gross dude

By summer - 26/03/2021 21:30

Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 342

Do Not Pass Go

By Rex - 16/09/2017 23:15 - United States - Camden

Today, I started at a new college. I bought my textbooks and went to my first class only to find out that they changed my schedule without telling me. I'd already opened the book. I could not get $200 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 684

You deserved it 353

By SporadiCOOL - 27/08/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 659

You deserved it 549

Kitchen Nightmares

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 00:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, I made huge pot of curry, adhering almost exactly to my proven and delicious recipe. It tasted completely bland, even with all the spices. I kept adding salt, until it tasted bland and oversalted at the same time. I think either the salt is broken or my taste buds are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 815

Caught

By EllaElle - 04/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 3 512

By mustanggt - 02/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 1 030

Truthbomb

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 13:00

Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 721

You deserved it 981

Checked out

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 440

Bye bye, then

By emzymcsmiles - 08/10/2019 02:00

Today, I learned that I can't share my things with other people. This includes my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 370

It's a pretty good response, though

By angrymom - 04/06/2021 01:59

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher. Apparently, while doing a test, he responded to the question, "Predict how the government will change in the next ten years" with, "I’m not psychic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 172

Revenge!

By princess98 - 18/11/2019 05:00

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201

You deserved it 819

I'm not blind

By Anonymous - 06/12/2019 18:00

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 993

You deserved it 573

Can't talk right now

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 08:01 - Canada

Today, while I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend in the shower, my mom stood outside the door the whole time, asking me about my day. My girlfriend never stopped going, and my mom, who was unaware that my girl was with me in the shower, is now getting me tested for speech impairment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 704

My alarm

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 14:00

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 250

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 938

With friends like these…

By MaySheRestinPeace - 06/03/2020 15:00

Today, a friend asked me to cover his shift at work because his grandmother died. Like any decent friend, I obliged. Later, after leaving, I walked by a bar and saw him inside, laughing and doing shots with all of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 166

Oedipus Rex

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 18:00

Today, my mother started arguing with me once again about how my life revolves around my girlfriend and how it's unhealthy to spend so much time with her. We live together and are engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 177

By UnboundA - 07/06/2016 16:27 - United States - Ruckersville

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 514

You deserved it 1 026

Hard to bare

By Anonymous - 03/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 051

You deserved it 813

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By Anonymous - 15/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend, who went to college, is unable to write a two-line email without saying the text out loud at least five times in a row. He also keeps repeating newspaper lines and simple things I say, in a whisper, in order to understand them. I'm afraid he might be developing dementia. At 40 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 304

Toynado

By Dad41 - 21/06/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 331

By savioyr - 15/08/2018 15:00

Today, my business partners of 5 years asked me right after our 5-hour audit with the tax department, "Oh, we have to pay tax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 951

You deserved it 389

On the ball

By angie24w - 19/06/2020 07:55

Today, after an emergency doctor told me to go to the pharmacy to get Zantac for possible stomach ulcers, I was told by the pharmacist that it was actually recalled a year ago. I had to pay almost double the price for another antacid. Thanks a lot for knowing your stuff, ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 205

What a catch

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 08:00 - Australia

Today, rather than get me a birthday present, my boyfriend just got angry that I got gifts from other people. Apparently, it "made him feel guilty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 110

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The Top

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 678

You deserved it 899

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 010

You deserved it 4 005

Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 100

You deserved it 6 517

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 305

You deserved it 9 233

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 723

You deserved it 3 142

Today, I'm on my second day of a week of antibiotics to treat a bad urine infection. Incidentally, the pills seem to be giving me extremely loud, frequent, gut-wrenchingly painful and smelly diarrhea. Only 5 more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 135