Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
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Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
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Top comments
chocolatechocha 8
lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh
marylovesyou8D 7
She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.
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Comments (64)
orly33 0
Hahaha fyl
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
you expect him to have sex with you before he has eaten.... woman you crazy! and how do you put on a teddy? :S
marid_fml 2
...Probably by stepping into it and then sliding the straps up your arms. How else would you?
zkchild 0
Well was the dinner at least ready?
Qluz 3
that should be on family guy. i imagine it would be funny when peter steps in and just farts
RedPillSucks 31
Call me Theodore and put me on, sexy.
xBangOut 4
you should have said - ME
xXxSCREAMxXx 3
How the **** is this thumbed up?
cactusdesu 15
Because I don't know what the hell kind of teddy it is that you wear, and obviously neither does this guy.
crazypomgurl3 0
what sex life? lol you gotta start somewhere!
bman134 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
when will girls learn when you want sex just grab the penis
Sazzers 0
That doesn't work on every guy...
NomsdePourquoi 3
yes it does
FlashBurn 13
That... doesn't work on ell the guys out there, btw.
Allforthelawlz 0
no only the str8 ones
elveer 0
hahaa like this comment
luvdacowboys 0
hahahaa im trying this one on my friend... thanks(;
brandonlee69 5
yes!
juicyfresh 7
sorry doesn't work on ugly girls
wubu18 6
Lol your funny
OneSockThief 4
Your not wrong......lol
Ranimal 12
A man needs his energy before such a task! Hah. But that's pretty lame.
IVANTTOCOME 0
That's called foreplay.
jessl_fml 1
hahhahahahahha YES #6
hnz 13
what does it mean put on a Teddy? if it's a Teddy pyjamas, then of course he will fart right there!
TheNinjaBuffalo 0
..wow
britannie 0
a Teddy is a really tight lingerie suit that exposes a lot of body parts and covers up only a tiny bit... ..how could you not know that
marylovesyou8D 7
She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.
Mauskau 35
lol why would you name that 'teddy'
DDPT2 4
45, Because it makes you want to cuddle her like a teddy bear.
Zebidee 8
#45 - um, because that's what it's called? It's not like OP made up the word themselves.
MrBrick 0
45 that was amazing. and you know, not everyone knows what a teddy is... excuse me for being male and not shopping around victorias secret.
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
Google, people. -.- "Teddy definition" and context clues give you the meaning, and "teddy lingerie origin" gives you the-- surprise!-- origin. It's thought to be called that because the loose shape, or shapelessness, reminds one of a teddy bear. A bit pervy, but that's the accepted belief.
iamiamazombie 0
94 ew calm downnnn.
Rawaha 0
discusting!leave him!!
ripjohnlennon 5
why because he farted?
slushpup9696 12
Farting is a serious problem that can only be addressed by divorce. There is literally no other way.
luvdacowboys 0
86- hahahahahahaa
FlashBurn 13
Women... I swear. You're supposed to have the lingerie under your clothes and make it a romantic dinner, then he MIGHT take a hint.
macskapingvin 0
Well said. When a man walks in from a long day at work, he isn't ready to get straight down to it. Don't treat your man like an animal.
FlashBurn 13
Actually, my point is that most guys have to take a lot of hints. A romantic dinner first is usually a pretty damn hard one to miss.
ThatGirlIsMe93 0
I agree^
gracevet88 0
Guys r supposed to plan the dinner in my opinion
TheLetterZero 7
Teddy bears are erotic? Well, I'll never think of care bears the same way again.
RedPillSucks 31
Maybe she's a furrie, or uses one of those pedo training teddie bears.
chocolatechocha 8
lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh
satomi_ishida 0
Lol same. We're all heading toward an "Idiocricy" world. xD
ktrose 0
14, Are you referring to the word "Idiosyncrasy"? Or maybe "idiocrasy", since it branches off of idiosyncrasy? Either way, I do not see how the misunderstanding of a word would lead to an "idiocricy world" as you stated. Some people just happen to not use/know the slang.
satomi_ishida 0
I'm refering to a movie. Look it up ^
Tikwichka 5
14, not all of us live in the USA, so thus not all of us share the same slang terminology. I have never heard this term before, but I was able to work out roughly what it meant. My point: If I start typing in Scots or even Doric, you must be an idiot for not understanding me.
killabee 0
Teddy is not a slang word. It's a particular type of lingerie. That's what it's called, a teddy.
glorialaura21 8
French frie isn't slang either, and in England they are known as chips. Same thing with cookie and scone. Teddy may not be slang, but she still has a valid point. Many English speaking countries use different dialects.
killabee 0
"French frie" isn't a word and a cookie is not a scone. They are two seperate things. A teddy is a teddy no matter where you're from. I understand if you just aren't familiar with the word and I'm not saying anyone is stupid for not knowing it, but quit trying to make it about some regional dialect/slang problem.
ktrose 0
My point was that you spelt the word wrong.
ktrose 0
36, Alright, it's not "slang" then. In some places, that word is not used. I understand what you are saying but you cannot speak for every single city in the world.
killabee 0
The only other word I could find for "teddy" is the slang "camiknickers" I am saying it is called a teddy. That is it's correct name. Whether you use it or not is irrelevant. I can't speak for all cities in the world obviously, I have no idea what a teddy is called in the German language, but in English it is called a teddy. Someones ignorance of this fact does not negate the word. Again, I don't care if someone didn't know what it was, I didn't until I was about 18 and started shopping for lingerie, but that is just it's specific name.
Zebidee 8
#53 is completely right. It's simply what the article of clothing is called. I guess it's related to a camisole, babydoll, or negligee, but besides maybe camiknickers (which is pretty obscure itself) there just isn't another word for it. Dialect has nothing whatsoever to do with this - it's the same word in all versions of English. You not knowing a word doesn't mean it isn't real.
ktrose 0
Tell me, where I stated that I, myself did not know the word. Again, not every city or country uses that terminology. In some places, instead of a "Teddy" it is referred to as something else. YOU, being English or whatever refer to it as that because that's what you learned to call it. Simple.
killabee 0
No ktrose, no. :( It is not called something else. Unless you are talking about another langauge like Russian or Japanese, it is just called a Teddy. I didn't mean you personally didn't know the word, I meant anyone, anybody. Just because person A. (anyone) doesn't KNOW that's what it's called, doesn't mean that is not it's correct title. There is another term for it as I mentioned, but it is a slang term. Last time rose, the correct title for this specific type of lingerie (it's like a bodysuit only usually looser and more easy to slip out of) is __teddy__.
ktrose 0
Lmfao did you call me rose? If you did, that's funny and different lol. Alright, alright Killabee I will end this argument. You can win this round :) I understand your points, I am not going to argue about something I don't have a vase knowledge about. My main point was just on the persons use of the word "idiocricy" haha.
cguinn17 9
i love the arguments on this site ^^
samsamsandiego 0
really right now? your arguing about slang? get a life people!
satomi_ishida 0
76 - Idiocracy is a MOVIE title. I was incorporating the movie title in my sentence. I wasn't using it so much as slang. It's like if I had said "she sure did a "tangled" move right there."