Nearly FMLs

By squizzlebee - 07/09/2016 11:19 - United Kingdom - York

Today, we were closing down for the evening at work. I was trying to plug back in an electric valve which I'd not used before, and asked a coworker if it was fully inserted so I could then plug back in the water valve located right next to it. He said it was fine. It wasn't. I got electrocuted. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 123

By Grace - 07/09/2016 04:48 - United States - Naperville

Today I thought I lost my keys at the store. I spent two hours searching for them, and when I decided to give up, I found them still in the ignition of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 224

By Timmy - 06/09/2016 17:35 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today I took my long-time girlfriend to a concert. I had moved out as we had been having a rough time in the relationship recently. I hoped the concert would bring us back together. We stopped for some food and drinks before the concert. That's when she decided to tell me she wanted to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 81

By Veryitchy - 06/09/2016 08:11 - United States - Bethel Park

Today, I am covered in flea bites and can't sleep. My sister's cat brought fleas into the house three years ago, and my parents still haven't bothered to get rid of them. I can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 148

By Spider-Man - 06/09/2016 08:08 - United States - Richmond

Today, I poured myself a drink and sat it down beside me while I played some games. During a break, I grabbed the cup to take a drink but quickly realized there was a hard chunk in it. I spat it back out and saw that there was a still alive and moving spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 105

By bark bark - 06/09/2016 07:00 - Australia - Prahran

Today, my bitchy next door neighbour put a Sully from Monsters Inc hat on a tree in her back yard, Christmas tree topper style, for the sole reason that so that her pet beagle could sit in the grass and bark at it all day just to piss me and my family off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 69

By Baustigt - 06/09/2016 01:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, my bad luck streak with the public train continues. Yesterday, it was a woman with corpse breath who sighed the whole journey. Today, it's a man who egg-farts like clockwork and sings to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 84

By gigi - 05/09/2016 16:28 - United States - Springfield

Today, I decided to clean the entire house to surprise my dad on his birthday. It was hard for me, considering I'm currently sporting a broken leg. His first response when he got home? "You forgot to dust the lamps." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 81

By chloeefay - 05/09/2016 11:51 - Australia

Today, I was showering a resident with dementia, which isn't to bad, until he locked me in the bathroom, saturated my white uniform and continuously hit me with the dirty toilet brush, this was 10 minutes into my 10 hour shift, FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 64

By ieffingHATEspiders - 05/09/2016 06:53 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after weeks of not being able to sleep well, I was laying in bed reading this very site and finally started to drift off. As I opened my eyes to close out the app and turn my phone off, a spider appeared before the lit screen and made a mad dash for my face. I'm awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 96

By iminabox222 - 05/09/2016 06:27 - United States - Sparta

Today, I was texting the guys I've been seeing. I told him I was lonely and wanted some love. His response was, "Don't worry. You'll find someone some day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 141

By mercymain - 05/09/2016 04:07 - United States - Johnstown

Today, mom and I were having a midnight snack late at night when we heard the distinct meow of a cat come from the darkness of the other side of the house. Both of the family cats were sitting by the table begging. We don't have a third cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 135

By nomorelettuceeveriguess - 04/09/2016 06:43 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Today, in effort to eat more healthily, I nearly puked trying to eat the raw lettuce in my salad because the first thing my brain thought of was how it smelled like my pet tortoises' shit. I had those tortoises two years ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 118

By Zmanzem4 - 02/09/2016 14:37 - United States - Portland

Today, while working at McDonald's, a customer complained to my manager because I was smiling at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 220

By harleyhatter - 02/09/2016 14:15 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I decided to wake up my boyfriend with a blowjob for the first time ever. I have never let a guy cum in my mouth before, so I decided to try it. Right as he came in my mouth I gagged and threw up on his lap. So much for being romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 319

By Anonymous - 02/09/2016 13:59 - United States

Today, my gf and I went to a party. I agreed to be the DD and she proceeded to consume enough alcohol to forget who I am and go home with a different guy. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 129

By sheaskedtosleepthere - 02/09/2016 13:55 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me after she came over and found a female friend sleeping in my bed upstairs. I was sleeping on the couch in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 02/09/2016 13:14 - United Kingdom - Ruislip

Today, I discovered that my mother sent a load of job applications to companies on my behalf, because "I can't be trusted to do it myself". I already have a well paying job, which I love. After complaining to my boss about it, he fired me for job-hunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 153

By Tencho1 - 02/09/2016 12:39 - United States

Today, I realized that everyone I know has a significant other, is engaged, is married, or was married, I'm 25 single and always get told "I'm creepy that's why your single." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 153

By Morning_Cat - 02/09/2016 11:46 - United States - Seymour

Today, I heard banging in my house. Being alone, I decide to investigate thinking I had someone trying to break in. Turns out it was just my cat thinking 6 AM was the best time to knock his cat tree over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 142

By evan_fml3 - 02/09/2016 11:40 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, I was going to get married, but my soon to be wife was too busy fucking my brother to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 96

By Corek - 02/09/2016 11:25 - United Kingdom

Today I bought a new mattress for the bed, and put the old one out, wrapped in the same protection the new one arrived in, for the refuse collection to take away (for which I had to pay). My neighbour saw the parcel left there, and took it in for me, presenting it to me later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 103

By NoahK2003 - 02/09/2016 11:08 - United States - Romulus

Today, I had an episode of explosive diarrhea at work. Though I flushed several times while going, I still managed to clog and almost overflow the toilet. I had to let my female boss know what happened. I've had a mild crush on her for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 103

By Disappointed - 02/09/2016 11:08 - United States - Troy

Today, after I spent weeks of planning for a nice dinner for our anniversary, my boyfriend tells me he's going to spend dinnertime at work instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 89

By IrisNoel98 - 02/09/2016 10:12 - United States - Blacklick

Today, I spent 13 hours plus the last 2 days scrubbing down my house for my dad who was coming to visit. The first thing he said to me when he came in was," You missed a spot" and pointed to a streak that he made with his own hand on the doorknob.

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 69

By sad - 02/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Vancouver

Today, after saving up for years, I gave the love of my life a 6,000 dollar diamond ring for our anniversary. She then proceeded break up with me because I am "horrible at making good decisions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 158

By BiggusDickus69 - 01/09/2016 20:47 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, a kid rode his bike into the side of my parked car. After patching him up his dad gave me all his details. Except not for him. Now I have a new car with a dented door FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 111

By ExtremelyConfused - 01/09/2016 20:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my phone alarm rang at 4:00pm with the title "Yum Yum Burger". I have no clue what it means or why I wrote it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 224

By missymaster - 01/09/2016 20:00 - Canada - Camrose

Today I am having an allergic reaction to my new toy cleaner. Not a cool place to have hives. So much for hypoallergenic. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 95

By Bored - 01/09/2016 19:59 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, I was so bored that taking my antibiotics actually got me excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 110

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The Top

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 690

You deserved it 9 138

Today, after two years of working from home, and being bugged by a relative every five minutes as I tried to work, I turned the tables by asking her something. I promptly got chewed out for interrupting something she was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 126

Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 206

Today, my boss and I had to come up with a code to call if a person acts inappropriately towards me because I "attract too many weirdos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 432

You deserved it 3 334

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 553

You deserved it 3 676

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 218