Nearly FMLs

By ByeByeDearTeeth - 01/09/2016 19:18 - United States

Today, while looking at my braces, my dentist told me, "Hmm. Not exactly sure what this is. I guess we're just gonna have to improvise." I don't know what I did wrong or what's going to happen next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 64

By soodytheboi - 01/09/2016 19:13 - United States

Today, I went to get my braces fixed after parts broke after them not doing anything during my last 4 visits. But rest assured, I'll be all good now. It's not like the man who worked on me this time had headphones on, was noticeably jamming, and paid more attention to his music than my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 66

By QueenAwkwardIV - 01/09/2016 19:02 - United States - Haymarket

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend revealed that he's been telling all of our friends that I'm an insane lesbian not because I am one, but because he thinks it's funny. People all over school are asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 64

By rissatey18 - 01/09/2016 18:27 - United States - Manassas

Today, i was helping my daughter take off dirty clothes and shook out a blanket that was on the ground outside. I felt itching so i decided to shower only to find that about 30 ants fell inside my bra, pants and panties from said blanket. fml

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 71

By unknown - 01/09/2016 18:26 - United States - New Philadelphia

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. They couldn't find anything wrong with it. After double checking to make sure it was safe for kids, I picked up my nieces. Same day, we were stranded in a new town for 3 hours in 90 degree weather cause it wouldn't start.

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 69

By dimlylitclown - 01/09/2016 18:19 - United Kingdom

Today, all the tills were broken, meaning nothing could go through until an engineer came. Afterwards, a coworker went to a doctors appointment. After waiting 4 hours, we called him discovered that he'd gone out with his friends, leaving two of us to deal with a packed shop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 53

By jerrytubaboy - 01/09/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, my best friend who is like my brother is having relationship problems and confided in me for help. I wasn't able to help because his girlfriend informed me of a huge crush she has on me. I thought it would be best to be honest. So much for bros before hoes. fml!

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 78

By sleepaddict - 01/09/2016 17:47 - United States

Today, I was at my state fair waiting to get off a ride when I noticed that my shoe was untied, I bent over to tie it when I staff member pulled the safety bar up and hit me on the face. She completely ignored me when I said something. I am now left with a mouth full of blood and a lot of pain, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 53

By lost - 01/09/2016 03:26 - United Kingdom - Paignton

Today, my girlfriend and I visited her family. She asked me to take another weekend off work as something happened with a family member, She knows I'll get fired because it's my last warning. I'm on a holiday for a week and she told me that if I leave to go home, we'll break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 100

By CyberPsycho - 01/09/2016 00:27 - United States - Nashville

Today, since I have horrible allergies, I asked my coworker for the box of tissues back that she took from my desk. She declined my request and offered me a "gently used" pad to wipe my nose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 55

By PainfulBum - 31/08/2016 16:07 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was working on my yoga when my kitten decided to attack me. In order to avoid a clawed eye I scooted backwards, only to get 3 inches of wood stuck in my bum. Being a broke nursing student, I had to use my dissection kit and scalpel to cut it out. Now it hurts when I sit... FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 70

By screw you angel - 31/08/2016 10:30 - United States - Missouri City

Today, I learned the meaning of "curiosity killed the cat" when I went through my boyfriend's texts. I ended up finding out that he's been dating another girl for weeks, and also that I drove him to it because I'm crazy and don't trust him. Solid logic, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 296

By mindboggling - 31/08/2016 10:25 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my friend who I've been helping search for jobs finally got offered one. She turned it down because she's "not feeling it". This is despite having been unemployed for over a year and bumming off her parents. Her pay would have been more than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 82

By DigitalDane - 31/08/2016 09:39 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, I've spent hours trying to prepare for my first day of teaching a high school grade class. I have no mentor assigned, no proper guidelines, and no old study plan I can use to try to structure the class. I have three classes in a row and no idea what to go through with the students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 30/08/2016 22:22 - United States - Lansdowne

Today, while kayaking with my family, I thought I saw a snake. I paddled closer to it while arguing that it was indeed a snake. Wrong. It was a duck. I need glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 165

By WorkingStiff - 30/08/2016 20:48 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my 43 year old brother who has never worked a day in his life went to his first job interview ever. He got the position and he is going to be making more than me. I have been working in the same industry for 17 years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 72

By Bacon0426 - 30/08/2016 18:50 - United States - Gibson

Today, I am on vacation with my family, after having been stung by a jelly fish my foot swelled up so much I could barely stand on it. After my family told me how small the odds would be of getting stung again I went back in the ocean. Only to be stung on my other foot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 88

By d1r7yd33d - 30/08/2016 12:51 - United States

Today, after years of perfect attendance, and straight A's, I got marked absent, and subsequently was failed for a huge test that dropped my grade. I was sitting right in front of the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 90

By whatjusthappened - 30/08/2016 08:20 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I went to pick my husband up from work. got there just in time to see him being dropped off by another woman. turns out he lied about working Mondays, his girlfriend picks him up every Monday and they spend the day together.And his girlfriend? My best friends mother. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 106

By MissKaye - 30/08/2016 02:15 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I was texting my crush and he told me he had his eye on a certain girl. As he continued to describe said girl it kept sounding more and more like he was describing me. I finally got the nerve to ask him who it was and he gladly told me... That he has a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 118

By weirdangelz2 - 30/08/2016 02:03 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I decided to mow the lawn. I keep an old pair of sneakers in my shed just for mowing, so I went to my shed and grabbed my shoes and put them on. As I was walking out I felt things crawling on me. I looked down and to my surprise, I saw hundreds of baby spiders coming out of my shoe. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 166

By wussy - 30/08/2016 01:52 - United States - Omaha

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was crying in public and she "didn't want to be seen with a wuss". We were at my mom's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 29/08/2016 21:18 - United States - Havertown

Today, I got a DNA test done on my son. The good news? We share DNA, so he's mine. The bad news? My wife shares the same DNA. Guess what siblings were adopted out to different families without being told...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 883

You deserved it 79

By Cari - 29/08/2016 18:33 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, I found out I cannot have children. Upon telling my husband, he quickly ran upstairs and started packing. Thinking that we were going somewhere to make me feel better I asked what he was doing. "I need to be with a woman who understands what I want and can give it to me," was his answer.

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 69

By karmaisathing - 27/08/2016 17:21 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I was at my in-laws house. Knowing my mother-in-law hates me, I only went for my Husbands sake. I was polite, and stayed out of the way. She started comparing me to my Husbands ex, saying how better she was. And I'm the one meant to apologise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 276

By SparrowMint - 27/08/2016 06:07 - United States - Chico

Today, my manager told me I might be getting moved from deli to bakery where I was hoping to be placed originally. Three hours later my other manager fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 103

By 4laur48 - 27/08/2016 06:03

Today, I went in for an appointment with my therapist. When she saw me, she gasped, "Are you okay? You look terrible!" I was great, actually, I just wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 126

By 1000timesscrewed - 27/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Aurora

Today, I browsed facebook and came across a picture of my dad and his new girlfriend who is the same age as me (23). I haven't had a date since my ex left me 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 153

By unlucky27/7 - 27/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I just found out that my little brother likes to peak through the crack of the bathroom door if it is slightly open. I was masturbating and when I finished and got out he saw EVERYTHING. So now if I take too long in there he will explain to my parents in detail why I take so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 348

By Neymoments - 27/08/2016 03:11 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up to my head being covered by a pissy diaper, a pile of pee not even an inch from my face and a naked 14 month old. I got up to get my glasses, she broke the arms. I got up to get a towel, on my way i was greeted by a lovely pile of shit. Her reaction? She laughed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 167

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The Top

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 142

Today, I desperately needed a mental health day, so I took the day off work and got some junk food and wine. A few hours later, I'm in hospital with gallstones and pancreatitis, needing an emergency surgery. My mental health day turned into multiple weeks off work, and a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 224

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend because I thought she'd thrown away an important form I needed to fill out. I found it a few minutes later, just stuck to the back of another piece of paper. After apologizing for getting mad, all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 137

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 40 481

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 713

You deserved it 12 221

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 173

You deserved it 2 556