Miscellaneous: Today, in effort to eat more healthily, I nearly puked trying...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By nomorelettuceeveriguess - 04/09/2016 06:43 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Today, in effort to eat more healthily, I nearly puked trying to eat the raw lettuce in my salad because the first thing my brain thought of was how it smelled like my pet tortoises' shit. I had those tortoises two years ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 118

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

LovelyLillies 9

Monday 5 September 2016 10:04

Salad isn't the only way to go! Try steamed broccoli, green beans, bell peppers... Anything with a different smell! Good luck OP!

Comments

thatweirdasian 22

Monday 5 September 2016 9:30

Try eating the lettuce with some kind of a dressing to cover up the "smell"?

LovelyLillies 9

Monday 5 September 2016 10:04

Salad isn't the only way to go! Try steamed broccoli, green beans, bell peppers... Anything with a different smell! Good luck OP!

One_In_Three 24

Monday 5 September 2016 13:52

Time to take up smoking...?

ozzytiff 13

Monday 5 September 2016 14:45

Steamed seafood is very good too.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 857

You deserved it 6 529

Today, I found out a guy I used to date is trying to get me fired from my dream job. He found an old flip phone with a text argument we had nearly 17 years ago. He wants me punished for things I said when I was an angry 15 year old-kid. HR is now looking into the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 125

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 347

You deserved it 4 653

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 148

You deserved it 23 281

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 648

You deserved it 13 456

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 810

You deserved it 202