Random FMLs

By unlucky - 29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 815

You deserved it 3 405

Boo!

By Repeal2A - 11/09/2025 12:00

Today, I was protesting a newly-opened gun store near my house, demanding safer streets and fewer firearms. My husband and the troglodytes he works with turned up and went inside to browse. Later, he raged at me for embarrassing him in front of his buddies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 565

Madhouse

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I was trying to get some sewing done and learned that the absolute least efficient way of realizing a project with lots of moving parts is to have either a toddler or a fun-loving pet see what you’re doing and decide to “help” with this exciting venture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 165

By Panda_Bearr - 03/09/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 723

You deserved it 2 733

Victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 21:16 - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said, "Nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 164

You deserved it 3 487

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 01:22 - United States - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 290

You deserved it 7 977

By tmac - 04/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 100

You deserved it 43 152

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 238

You deserved it 2 920

Thanks, I feel better!

By anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 002

You deserved it 3 050

By Dexter_39476 - 24/01/2016 05:40 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "The Virgin Cave". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 467

You deserved it 2 833

Welcome!

By madelynn - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 378

You deserved it 3 117

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 6 862

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking about?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 225

You deserved it 31 286

By thenotsomanlyman - 07/03/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 701

You deserved it 41 709

By hale_551 - 11/09/2015 16:34

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 090

You deserved it 1 575

Delivery!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 2 357

Double entendre

By Anonymous - 28/07/2022 00:01

Today, I walked out of my platonic coworker's office, after he got my lunch order wrong. My exit line? “Get your creamy pork sausage out of my taco.” The entire bullpen started hooting and hollering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 1 297

By Nicole - 08/07/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 901

You deserved it 5 461

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 396

You deserved it 3 678

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 20:37 - United States - North Bend

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 624

You deserved it 2 892

By Jota - 23/10/2017 19:00

Today, I was doing a job interview on Skype when my roommate decided to reboot the wireless router because "the internet was too slow". The interviewer didn't bother calling again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 280

You deserved it 398

Denial spectrum

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and since my son was diagnosed autistic, my sister refuses to have anything to do with him, because she doesn’t want her kids around him. The only reason her two kids aren’t diagnosed with autism and ADHD is because she refuses to let doctors assess them. Her kids are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 163

By Dig4life - 05/06/2015 13:42 - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 294

By Millian2 - 08/04/2012 02:10 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 053

You deserved it 3 718

By Superficial - 09/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 2 690

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 05:01

Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 211

By fail - 15/06/2012 15:36 - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 135

You deserved it 2 945

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 102

Cursed

By IHaveATypeAparently - 25/07/2021 06:01

Today, I found out one of my exes is trans. I’m very happy for her, but I’m starting to think I have the wrong type, as I have had 3 ex-boyfriends come out as gay and 3 come out at trans right after breaking up. I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t have a secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 197

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 155

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 546

You deserved it 3 131

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 4 701

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 3 481

Today, my soon-to-be former boss tried to NOT pay me for working on Christmas Eve, but I called her out. Now, she's blocked me out of her life, and is looking for my replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 152

Today, HR informed me that they would not be investigating my formal complaint against my boss. This after four months of relentless bullying, including calling me while I was on vacation to tell me to do work, and eliminating my position when she found out I had gone to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 77

Today, I realised I may need to work on my marriage when I saw my husband in public, laughing and smiling with his coworkers, then when he saw me his smile disappeared and he stood up like a tired old man to come and speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 464