Sex

Bastards!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 57

Gooey mess

By Anonymous - 06/09/2026 09:00 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a good time. Perfect. Afterwards, he stupidly tried to pull the condom off with way too much force. It burst everywhere, splattering our faces, the bed sheets, and even the wall. Absolute disaster. We just stared at each other and laughed. Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 74

Growing old is…

By Roy - 04/09/2026 09:00 - The Netherlands - Voorburg

Today, it's been exactly 23 years since my wife and I had sex for the first time. She fell asleep while I was going down on her. Did that ring a bell? No, married her nevertheless. Now I can’t even remember the last time we had sex. Still love her, kind of. I call it my karma, but actually I’m just stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 103

Humblebrag from Hell

By Anonymous - 03/09/2026 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, a mutual friend of mine told me that I could do much better than my girlfriend. I ended up asking her who would want to date me. The next thing I know, she was all over me. Needless to say it didn’t take much for her to tempt me and we ended up screwing like rabbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 280

Smooth operator

By Anonymous - 01/09/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I used a men's hair removal cream to be smooth for my partner, as a surprise. It turns out that doing that made her think I was cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 86

What would you do?

By Devastated - 31/08/2026 22:00 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my husband told me that he could not love me without sex. My love for him is utterly unconditional. My heart is just broken now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 376

Blended family indeed

By Anonymous - 30/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, due to my parents divorcing 30 years ago, marrying other people, and giving me a handful of half siblings, I found myself in the uniquely unpleasant situation of walking in on my sister having sex with my brother. (Stop panicking, they’re not blood related to each other, work it out!) FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 71

Sex vs. housework

By hesitator - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 095

You deserved it 1 137

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - 25/08/2026 15:00 - Costa Rica - Santa Cruz

Today, me (24) and my girlfriend (23) got ‘intimate’ on a private beach you can only get to by boat. Afterwards, she had to unironically put armbands on to swim back to boat just as another boat came by. I got called "Pedo!" multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 84

It's never too late

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I wish I'd been a whole hell of a lot sluttier and more adventurous in my 20s. Nowadays my libido has me ready to burst, but my partner not so much. I miss feeling wanted and just letting myself get lost in my own pleasure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 122

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 136

Self-awareness Day

By Luciano - 11/08/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my coworker is two months pregnant. I used condoms with her every time, so I’m not sure how the fuck it happened. I’m the only man she’s been with. I tried to give her money for an abortion but she insists on keeping it. She knows damn well I have a real wife and kids, and I can’t afford to lose them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 1 034

Sexy talk

By Cora - 06/08/2026 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I got in bed with my guy to have sex with him to distract myself from having diarrhea, when my gut cramped, my butt pushed, and I then doubled over from that as I yelled, "Why must I go doo-day right now?" I don't know what's more embarrassing, that I shit my bed before sex, or I called diarrhea "going doo-dah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 437

OK, that's that cleared up

By Zacharian - 02/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I found out my hot Mormon neighbors can be gay, but they can’t act on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 272

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I finally gave into a kink I wanted to try out. I asked my boyfriend to send freaky voice clips of him barking and whimpering. He actually did it, and It immediately gave me the biggest ick. I am now stuck with his horrible "sexy" barking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 439

Caught in the act

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that when your flatmate admits she’s an exhibitionist and you say you’re OK with it, it doesn’t means she going to walk around naked like you hoped, it means she’s going to bring guys home and do them at times I’m guaranteed to “accidentally catch them.” Why couldn’t she do me instead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 353

High maintenance

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally farted during my orgasm with this new woman I’ve been seeing. She said she’s not into that sort of thing, and no matter how I tried to explain it was just an accident, she asked me to leave, and that she’d call me, maybe, if she can forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 98

Kidblocked

By Blueballed - 25/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I swear to Christ my kid has a sixth sense. He's normally chill and well behaved, but every single time my wife and I have a moment and things start heating up a little, he either starts crying or throws a tantrum over nothing and kills the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 102

Goo

By Anonymous - 23/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date and ended up back at her place. She gave me head in the front hall before we started moving to her bedroom. That’s when her dad, asleep on the sofa, woke up. She had no idea why he was there but she still had my stuff dripping down her chin, and he definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 134

Nothing?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is still determined to find my kink. I keep telling him I don’t have one. Literally, I don’t. He isn’t forcing me to do anything physically but he won’t drop the subject. He keeps making all these different suggestions and expecting me to have some magical discovery or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 94

Planning required

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I feel like I’m never going to have satisfying sex again. We have so many kids that I never get a moment’s peace. By the time they’re all taken care of and sleeping, I’m too exhausted to even think about sex. If I do, it’s a “let’s get it out of the way” type quickie to shut my husband up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 304

Kinky

By Anonymous - 15/07/2026 03:00 - Belgium - Bruges

Today, my cuckold fantasy became real. I got back home earlier than usual and found my wife being banged by a guy. I waited 10 minutes for him finish before entering the room screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 417

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my husband came to me with a proposition. He asked in all honesty if he could please have a one-time pass to have sex with someone else. He said that she’s a virgin and it’s always been his dream, and something every man deserves in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 123

One track mind

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 20:00 - India - New Delhi

Today, my boyfriend's been distant lately so I told him he was not like this when we first started talking. He replied that it's because he was horny at the time, so now I'm stuck with his nonchalant ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 136

Mythbusters

By Anonymous - 02/07/2026 22:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I’ve realized the whole “men are more sexual than women” isn’t true. I have ended up in two long-term relationships with two different men who had zero sex drive, stopped any sort of romantic connection/flirting, and then it felt like I just had a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 119

What is this?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I sent my ex nudes and then asked him if he saved them, only for him to reply with, "Nah, they weren't nude enough." Mind you, he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 448

I want more

By Anonymous - 26/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, I’m worried that swinging might've ruined my marriage. My wife and I both agreed and we very much enjoyed ourselves. The problem is that the other woman rode me like a high intensity thrill ride roller coaster compared to the same old merry go round that is my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 469

Fake news

By Anonymous - 20/06/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Hartlepool

Today, my husband told me that his brother has told him that we slept together years ago. We didn't, it's a lie, and I'm so shocked that at first that I was convinced that this must be some sort of joke that I'm waiting to hear the punch line for. It turns out my husband was completely serious and needless to say we argued about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 114

What could've been…

By Sorry for trying i guess - 14/06/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my ex, who I still have feelings for, at a festival. It was my first time going after years of putting it off, and we had an amazing time. I thought we would have make up sex, until she looked at me, angrier than I'd ever seen her, and said, "Why couldn't you be this much fun when we were together?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 394

Turn off

By Anonymous - 11/06/2026 22:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, after many comments over years about her needing to lose weight, I had to tell the woman I love, the woman I married, that she had gotten so overweight that the sight of her naked made me want to puke. Apparently her goal was to get so fat I'd stop asking for sex. I'm her third divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 212

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The Top

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 005

You deserved it 313 061

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 1 907

Random

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm boring and never go to the bar with him. He knows I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 326

You deserved it 2 228

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 910

You deserved it 5 863

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 275

You deserved it 5 592

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 800

You deserved it 4 323

Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 161

Today, I’m at home, sick with a really bad sinus and ear infection. If I'd gone to the clinic earlier, then it wouldn’t have spread to my ears, but my boss wouldn’t let me take a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 149