Nearly FMLs

By ObviousBooty - 21/08/2016 11:31 - United States - Kankakee

Today, early in the morning, I went to the store for a few things. The doors wide open, I gather my stuff and go to pay when a raging security guard hauls ass my way. He starts barking and tells me I need to leave or he can have me arrested. Apparently, the store wasn't open for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 130

By HolidayRoad - 20/08/2016 16:51

Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third row seat of a minivan filled with family arguing over directions, baby Einstein opera and a toddler trying to break the sound barrier. Only four more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 129

By confusedlifeguard - 20/08/2016 16:18

Today, I went into a public locker room at a pool to change. A camp full of young girls came into my row to change as well. The counselor then proceeds to ask me to move saying, you can't look at little girls, it's not aloud. Thanks for making me look like a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 85

By Kittu - 20/08/2016 15:20 - India - Surat

Today, my girlfriend casually told me that she used to drink milk from her mother till she was in her early 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 20/08/2016 14:37 - United States - Alachua

Today, someone left a can of scentless bugspray next to the stove, I greased a cake pan with it and it caught fire and burned the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 184

By AnonymousAdult - 20/08/2016 13:40 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I called the AAA because my car wouldn't turn on. After waiting for an hour and missing my first important job interview they showed up. The guy fixed the car immediately. I turned off the car while it was in gear.... all I had to do was put it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 296

By ItsGoneForever - 20/08/2016 11:48

Today, I had passionate sex with my girlfriend. I changed my sheets later that day. My mother noticed the "wet spot" on my new mattress. She mentioned how quick I had gotten sweat stains in my mattress. Then she yelled at me about how my overweight makes my sweat much more than normal. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 92

By SeizureSquad - 20/08/2016 09:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today I took my cousin to skyzone. Very first jump on a trampoline I broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 60

By Pikababy19 - 20/08/2016 01:57 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, my boyfriend called me his "Princess Peach". I cant tell him my ex called me that too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 226

By MosquitoMagnet - 20/08/2016 01:30 - Switzerland - Birsfelden

Today, to confirm how accurate the science report on who is most attractive to mosquitos is (blood type O), some mosquitos decided to bite me while I was reading it. My life wouldn't be complete if I didn't suffer from skeeter syndrome too, a severe allergic reaction to their bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 20/08/2016 00:30

Today, I was out with my family for a casual lunch. As we were walking to the restaurant, my grandmother saw a handicapped man who looked homeless and was missing his legs. My grandmother being the generous person she is decided to give him $20. He flipped her off. Guessing he wasn't homeless, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 96

By Moopster - 19/08/2016 23:29

Today, I had the pleasure to get acquainted with my new upstairs neighbor. I was promptly greeted with a cigarette bud landing on my new wool coat, leaving ash spots everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 62

By ThatGirlAF - 19/08/2016 23:19 - United States

Today, I was camping with family like we normally do, this particular morning my Uncle decides he'll cut the wood.. With one swing of the axe he nails his leg leaving me to drop everything and help becuz no one else is up yet. I'm 15 and hate the sight of blood.. I was just trying not to faint FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 77

By bluejay2000 - 19/08/2016 23:19

Today,I walked in on my parents having anal sex using some kind of olive oil based lube. Now I can't smell olive oil without having to resist the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 73

By sk8rgurl_ - 19/08/2016 23:03

Today, my boyfriend made a day trip see me at my university. My roommate wasn't there so we decided to lay on my bed and mess around. While he was in the middle of fingering me, the girl who lives next door barges in and sees us laying there, me pantsless and my boyfriends terrified face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 145

By So Ashamed - 19/08/2016 22:56 - United Kingdom - Ramsgate

Today, while brushing my teeth I felt something snap and spat out a huge tooth fragment. Only after desperately checking all of my teeth did I realise the truth. It wasn't a piece of tooth, it was a huge piece of old, hardened plaque that broke away from in-between my molars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 136

By Whyyoudothat - 19/08/2016 22:41 - United States - Tracy

Today while hanging out with my boyfriend and two of our guy friends I realized I was what you call a "homiehopper" because I had slept with all three of these guys FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 405

By ironico - 19/08/2016 22:36 - United States - Hancock

Today, I am 45. I am so often mistaken for my 24 year old daughter, and her for me, that she has begun to loathe my existence. She refuses to talk to me, and her 3 kids call me by my first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 57

By GakTheFaQ - 19/08/2016 22:26

Today, our system crashed on us well into rush hour. We have to do every order by hand. Several customers had to help me with said orders. No wonder I work at McDonald's. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 82

By Adonis0 - 19/08/2016 22:20 - Australia - Coopers Plains

Today, at work I got invited multiple times to go to a brothel with a stranger, it turns out that was their attempt at a pick-up line and saving money combined. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 37

By Nickname - 19/08/2016 22:07 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, the love of my life (whom Ive been with for over three years) went on a romantic weekend getaway with another man. Hurt, confused & emotional beyond all control I punched holes into the walls of my apartment & cried for hours. Turns out they've been married for 13 years and have 2 kids FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 86

By loveless - 19/08/2016 21:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, after 3 years together I now know my boyfriend has never nor does he ever want to have any children FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 19/08/2016 21:46 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I have to choose between all day nausea or painful indigestion. Welcome to pregnancy, only 246 days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 85

By tinderruinslives - 19/08/2016 21:41 - United States - Denver

Today I found out that my boyfriend still has Tinder and actively uses it. I guess it wouldn't be that bad... if I hadn't moved halfway across the country to live with him 3 months ago. Now I don't know whether to bring up the subject and get kicked out, or pretend like I don't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 56

By Zorro64 - 19/08/2016 21:35 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst live streaming on Twitch, my Dad came in behind me with maracas and one of my Mum's skirts, and gyrated enthusiastically to about 50 people. I did not notice this until my chat told me, at which point I had to re-watch the recording. He dances like MIchael Jackson the prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 19/08/2016 21:26 - United States - Miami

Today, is a month into my new job. Three employees have already been fired, my boss has interviewed thirty people and hired no one, and I've been told twice now that everything I do is "complete garbage", even though my work has been overly praised by everyone else. I can't find another job.

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 40

By watermelon_bae - 19/08/2016 21:25

Today, I figured out why my cousin has been absent for months and not responding to my calls. It turns out that he and his wife went to England and no one else knew about it. I had such terrible anxiety over it that friends considered taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 53

By Chickenwingsho - 19/08/2016 21:23

Today, I missed points on a visual inspection at work. Being the manager, I stayed after close the night before, past 3am trying to help with the cleaning list. I finished by painting the bathroom walls. Only thing, I accidentally used a bucket of adhesive. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 70

By ashatash - 19/08/2016 21:13

Today, I found out my fiancé didn't go out state to his friends funeral but to meet a girl he met on and online dating site. I found out when my friend,who is also on that website saw his profile online and could see the public posts about his plan to meet her.He comes back in two days..

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 37

By Anonymous - 19/08/2016 21:12 - United States - Ketchum

Today, I tried to get the weird annoying chick at work to pick up my shift for me so I could go and help move things out of my aunts house that is being threatened by a forest fire. she said no. Last week I had to cover her because she fell of her bike playing Pokémon go, she's 25. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 52

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The Top

Today, I got home from work early to find my boyfriend spread eagle on the couch, taking pictures of his anus. Apparently, that's what his other girlfriend is into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 798

You deserved it 235

Today, I found out my husband is a sugar daddy to a 19 year-old college girl. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it because, “It’s not like we have sex or anything, just friendship” and gave me a lecture about how just because he’s married doesn’t mean he can’t have friends. He’s 53. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 187

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 538

You deserved it 2 186

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 652

You deserved it 7 357

Today, I was working as a stagehand for one of my college classes. I’m diabetic and can’t go without food for more than a few hours. I was told that if I left early, ate anything backstage, or passed out, I would fail the class. I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 95

Today, my new husband told me his ex is 10 weeks pregnant from having “chapter closing sex” before getting married. He said he wasn’t expecting this to happen because he had used a condom. He always told me he fervently hated his ex. Our honeymoon and wedding last week was over $50,000, which is nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 137