Nearly FMLs

By I hate pay-it-forward chains at the drivethru - 09/09/2016 19:57 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, a lady asks for two $20 gift cards to pay for the people behind her at the drivethru. I kept asking if she was sure. She said yes and drove away, So I charge all the people behind her off of these cards. Hours later she calls the store and complains that she never received her gift cards.

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 198

By God dammit Paul - 09/09/2016 19:23 - United States - Middle River

Today, there was a group of teenagers skateboarding at the park next to my house. I was getting tired of hearing them so I went over to them and took one of their skateboards and threw it. As I walking away I made sure to keep eye contact with them and ended up slipping on the skateboard I threw FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 1 646

By notgettinany - 09/09/2016 19:14 - United States - Round Lake

Today, after a right-sided mammogram, I realized it was the most attention my boob had in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 121

By switchingschools - 09/09/2016 19:11 - Canada - Westerose

Today, my high school banned the usage of cell phones inside classrooms. To help us through our loss, the school will be offering counselling to students with a "cell phone addiction". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 189

By upsetkikat - 09/09/2016 19:09 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, my boyfriend got me a kitten only to then decide we cannot afford it and that it must go. He already has a home lined up for it and I have no say in the matter. Heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 111

By Josh - 09/09/2016 18:42 - United States - Salem

Today me and my best friend of five years tried dating. She lives in Oregon I lived in Texas. I moved to Oregon only to find out she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Now I'm stuck living with her cuz I have nowhere to go. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 175

By chyeautumn - 09/09/2016 18:33 - United States - High Springs

Today, I had a nasty sneeze in the middle of class. If that weren't enough, my head jolted so much that I pulled a neck muscle. I have 45 miles to drive and I can't turn my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 99

By Emi - 09/09/2016 17:47 - Australia - Glebe

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of spewing. Safe to say it was possibly the most painful, messy and projectile vomit I have ever done.

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 76

By brokenanklefuckedmeup - 09/09/2016 17:43 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, my boyfriend got us into a car crash. Why? He was too busy drumming on the steering wheel to Uptown Funk and forgot to use his turn signal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 107

By DoomGuy66 - 09/09/2016 17:41 - United States - Tempe

Today, I logged onto my Facebook for the first time in two months. My friend had photoshopped my face onto a picture of fat bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 117

By BadLuckBrian - 09/09/2016 17:21 - United States - Savoy

Today, I was on my way to work. As I was stopped at a stop light with 5-6 cars in front of me, I was rear ended. I literally have only had this car for 2 and a half months because my last car was totaled taking a different route to work which also wasn't my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 80

By needs a new phone number - 09/09/2016 17:15 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I found out my 6 year old son remembers my phone number, to bad he gave it to the guy who's been stalking me for the last 3 weeks. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 76

By nickfraser98 - 09/09/2016 16:16 - United States

Today, I was informed I will have to take a 3 hour nightly course on how to become a teacher due to a scheduling error. I have 0 interest in becoming a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 79

By emeraldarcher74 - 09/09/2016 16:10 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a great sleep and wonderful dream. Then, I checked the alarm clock. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 09/09/2016 15:37 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I sent a snapchat of me making a silly face to a guy friend. Apparently it's disrespectul to be sending that to other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 155

By Broke - 09/09/2016 14:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got an interview after a month of applying to jobs. I drove an hour and a half through major construction. I get to the interview only to find out I can't get the job because I don't have a valid Florida license. It's not even a driving job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 66

By Jocy_Fml9117 - 09/09/2016 14:49 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, While I was in freshman studies I felt something in my backpack moving, I didn't think any of it until my backpack cried. When I looked inside my chihuahua stuck her head out and everyone began laughing , she got scared and peed in my backpack, good job Nikki FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 120

By mischalucksux - 09/09/2016 13:16 - United States

Today, I went into work at 2am so I could leave early to go to a Dr appt over an hour away. I was late, so I was speeding. I got pulled over, got a ticket. Was late for my appt, which was then cancelled. So I got up at 1am instead of 4am just to get a ticket and drive 3 hours for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 139

By MagooJr. - 09/09/2016 11:19 - United States - Salem

Today I got my step dad to see my new eye doctor. I had only been there once but loved them. When I walked in they greeted me by name apparently my eyesight is so bad they all remember me by ironically sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 72

By I need the money - 09/09/2016 11:05 - Ireland

Today, after months of job hunting and subsequently giving up the hunt to go back to college, I got a job offer. Good news it's part time so I can still go to college. Bad news my first day of work would clash with my first day of school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 86

By kaijen - 09/09/2016 05:11 - United States - Washington

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. Afterwards, when he thought I was asleep, I caught him jacking off to porn. His defense: "Why should you be the only one to get off multiple times?" I got off once, from the toy he used, pre-sex. He then got mad at me for catching him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 058

You deserved it 2 472

kaijen tells us more.

kaijen 9

Saturday 10 September 2016 5:13

Unfortunately, not many of you guys are getting my problem. We have been together for 5yrs. I've had a high sex drive our entire relationship. He watches **** almost every night, after I've gone to the bedroom. We HAVE discussed this... MANY times. He says jacking off is just less work and he'd rather use his hand than undress and have to worry about having sex, therefore being "too spent" for sex for sometimes months at a time. I have no problem with **** or ************ in general. It can be a healthy, sometimes needed release. But not when your wife is horny all the time, always doing the experimentations you ask for, and you just don't want to take time out of your Play Station time to actually have some intimacy. He was done with me after he got off after less than 3min and instead of asking for a Round 2, which he KNOWS I'm always down for, he went and hid what he was doing.

By smexy - 09/09/2016 04:57 - United States

Today, I was about to do the deed with a guy I've liked for years. Nervous, I accidentally combined words and said "smex" instead of "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 211