Nearly FMLs

By WorstPossibleTiming - 25/08/2016 13:40 - United States - Newville

Today, I'm sick. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't leaving for college in three days, and didn't need to spend today and tomorrow shopping, sorting, and packing like crazy. My head is spinning too much to even get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 76

By An - 25/08/2016 13:17

Today, I found out that my medication was a placebo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 106

By Jordans436 - 25/08/2016 13:16

Today, I went to my friends house that I haven't heard from in two weeks. Literally had to take a canoe to get inside his house. I live in Louisiana.

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 55

By webberya - 25/08/2016 13:10 - Canada - Gravenhurst

Today, I told my girlfriend how the kids in elementary school gave me the nickname "dumpster". I was explaining why I'm sensitive sometimes. She just laughed and said "that's really funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 80

By xAdtrx3x - 25/08/2016 13:05 - United States - New York

Today, the same boss that made me cry last week for something that wasn't my fault, flipped a shit on a co worker for a speaker phone conference call. Our other boss who is the mediator will be out for the next two weeks. We're all on edge and scared sh!tless of the other man. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 54

By theresstillsomeinmyhair - 25/08/2016 12:55 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, as I was selling candles at the local farmer's market, the sky was clear, and it was empty of birds. a few minutes into selling, I felt something hot and sticky land on my head, hard. I put my hand to my hair, and when I brought it back down, it was coated in bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 46

By Anonymous - 25/08/2016 12:48 - Brazil

Today, my parents got pissed off at me for having a Coke, my first one in years. They drink and smoke everyday. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 44

By Anon - 25/08/2016 12:15 - Australia - Westmead

Today, I went to a six a.m. boxing class at my gym. Everything went fine, except I had a runny nose. As soon as it finished and I was saying goodbye to everyone something ran down my face, I somehow managed to pop the blood vessel in my nose. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 53

By wompai - 25/08/2016 12:06

Today, I had to go pee at a train station. I noticed that you could pay the €0,70 maintenance fee by card, so I did. After trying 3 times, I decided just to search my bag for some leftover cash, paid the fee and did my thing. I ended up paying it 4 times, for a total of €2.80 to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 59

By anonymous - 25/08/2016 07:04

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, yet again, because his mother made him. Fortunately for me I found out on my lunch break when I came home to an empty apartment and a note say we were done. He is 24, and wants to date me but only behind his parents back because he doesn't want to upset his mom FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 102

By ECdoba - 25/08/2016 05:29 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, I had already undressed her top half and she was pulling down my pants. As I have never had a blowjob before I asked her to give me one. She was very reluctant and all I could think of to say was "I'll give ya a dollar." FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 216

By subtweetqueen - 24/08/2016 21:33

Today, I stayed out late to celebrate my last night before going back to school. Though I normally don't have a curfew, my parents chose to give me one today. I had to leave a party and bribe a friend to drive me home so I could make it in time for the curfew, only to find my parents asleep. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 98

By friendless - 24/08/2016 09:33 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today is the 5th day in a row I've been lying around the house. Each day I've had plans with friends, but they've cancelled because they were sick/tired. I just saw an instagram of three of those friends together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 203

By Habel - 24/08/2016 03:59 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I farted in front of my girlfriend of eight months for the first time. She got up from bed and left the house, all while constantly repeating "No" over and over again. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 158

By oldie_goldie - 24/08/2016 03:35 - United States - Lehi

Today, while flying 2,000+ miles from New York to Salt Lake City, I realized that I forgot to ask my husband for the car keys. I took a taxi from the airport to get home at 2AM, only to realize that the key to our house was in the same bundle as the car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 121

By Girlslovegirls - 23/08/2016 21:19 - United States

Today I came out to my family as a lesbian. A few days ago, my brother came out as bisexual and my parents' positive reaction gave me the confidence to come out myself. However, they accused me of being jealous and lying to steal his thunder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 86

By mortified groom - 23/08/2016 15:13 - United Kingdom - Ramsgate

Today, my ex girlfriend crashed my wedding. Not only did she get on stage and moon my friends and family, she pulled her pants down, pulled her cheeks as far apart as she could and had a shit right there on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 73

By New girl - 23/08/2016 08:14 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend's mother posted a picture of me on Facebook calling me "the new girl." My boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a half, and have had a baby together. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 161

By FantasyMistwood - 22/08/2016 19:09 - United States - Denver

Today, I was picking up my son's expensive birthday cake. It was huge, and required both hands to carry. I must have lost weight, because while walking to my car, my pants started falling down. I couldn't stop them without dropping the cake, so when I got to my car, they were at my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 169

By Zaziedesu - 22/08/2016 17:49 - United States - Denver

Today, I arrived at my new job only to find out, that I wasn't supposed to be there, and the only record they have is of my interview. When I told the trainer the name of the person who offered me the job, I was told that is was an invalid offer as they didn't go through the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 81

By breedles - 22/08/2016 15:44 - United States - Reading

Today, I recently exchanged my first car for a newer car because it constantly needed to be repaired and failed its latest inspection. My new car lost its engine after five weeks. So I biked places. Until my bicycle got a flat and the pedals fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 89

By nobreakuplala - 22/08/2016 15:10 - Tunisia

Today, or actually for a while I wanted to break up with my boyfriend because of his huge lack of maturity after I finished telling him why I want to break up he just put his hands over his ears and screamed "La la la la I didn't hear anything there's no breakup la la la" talk about maturity...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 106

By rayvingal - 22/08/2016 13:01

Today, I gave my dad whiplash. He was teaching me how to drive stick, and I let the clutch out too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 195

By toyhenoctus - 22/08/2016 12:40

Today, I was running late to work and noticed that my car keys weren't in the right spot. I quickly found them, ran outside and jumped in the car only to realize why my keys had been moved. My brother borrowed the car yesterday and left the windows down. It rained last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 70

By prendy112 - 22/08/2016 09:07 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I work as a Cashier at McDonald's and a customer wanted a meal costing way over £5. He then proceeded to pay using 1ps and 2ps. This was my second time on till and i had to count it all myself. My boss saw i was struggling a wrote me up for wasting time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 169

By OpposingKilljoy - 22/08/2016 08:55 - United States - Mesquite

Today, I was having an intense intimate moment with my boyfriend. He thought he'd take things up a notch with something "special," and then rubbed a mystery goop all over my lady bits. I soon felt like I was on fire, so I screamed, frantically rolled around, cried, and then sexy time was over FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 105

By Petitler - 22/08/2016 08:37 - Iran, Islamic Republic of - Gostar

Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps in our shared closet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 66

By Aura_Borealis - 22/08/2016 06:29 - United States - Edmonds

Today, I was resting in bed with a broken foot and my candle set off my fire alarm, waking up my whole family. While I am unable to reach up and turn it off, it went off for several minutes. Now, everyone is angry at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 128

By audreygracie - 22/08/2016 04:41

Today, I went out to get a coffee while there was a flash flood warning. On my way home I noticed some asshole stopped in the middle of the road. I then drove around the car and realized that they weren't just stopped, they were stuck. Needless to say, I sat in my car as it filled with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 568

By Peanut Boy - 22/08/2016 00:16 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today was my new bosses first day in the office. I had my girlfriend make him some brownies. When he came in I handed them to him and I went on lunch. I came back to fire trucks and emergency vehicles in the parking lot. My new boss is deathly allergic to peanuts which where in the brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 163

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The Top

Today, I learned that now that my mom is dead, and my dad doesn't need my emotional support during her illness anymore, he's going to go back to insulting me every time he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 79

Today, I'm going on three weeks of unexplainable and minor, but noticeable ailments. The doctor says it's just my seasonal allergies acting up a ton, which was somewhat comforting, but it just won't stop, even when I remain indoors. I'm otherwise a very healthy person, so I think I have a reason to be worried now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 107

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 225

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 504

You deserved it 14 220

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 470

You deserved it 7 443

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 044

You deserved it 3 534