Nearly FMLs

By stuffhappends - 19/08/2016 13:59

Today, I have gotten my heart broken by my boyfriend who cheated on me, found out that my dads moving to Canada and gotten news from my mother saying that she might have breast cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 38

By royallymessedup - 19/08/2016 13:58

Today, I was told I'd need thousand-pound surgery to correct my spinal issue. Tomorrow, my medical insurance first takes effect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 36

By IAmMe204 - 19/08/2016 13:52 - Puerto Rico - Canovanas

Today, I came home after a 2 week long vacation during which I didn't have phone access. I turned it on excitedly thinking of all the notifications from friends I would receive. I guess no one missed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 50

By TasteLikeChicken - 19/08/2016 13:51 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I was sitting with my girlfriend watching shows when we started making out. Right when things started to really heat up I suddenly burped straight into her mouth, moment instantly ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 61

By mumblingdope - 19/08/2016 08:35 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I had my first haircut in a long time. Upon seeing me with short hair for the first time ever, my daughter asked me, "Who are you?" "It's me, your daddy," I replied. Then she said, "No, you're not, daddy looks like a girl." My wife agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 88

By PoorUniStudent - 19/08/2016 06:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I recieved a phone call to say I had gotten a job I really needed. Half an hour later, they called again to tell me that they had made a mistake and only one position was available. They gave it to the other candidate, but told me I shouldn't be upset because "I was almost successful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 34

By aplashlove - 19/08/2016 00:40

Today, i lost my virginity. I dislocated my jaw while having an orgasm. My boyfriend then had to awkwardly explain to my mother what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 62

By Maddii1112 - 19/08/2016 00:18

Today, I bought some chocolate brownies for the first time in months. I hardly ever eat chocolate. When got back to my boyfriends house, I pulled one out to eat and his mom started lecturing me on why chocolate is bad. She then poked my thigh fat and said, "This is what chocolate does." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 66

By Patsuan - 18/08/2016 20:49 - United States - Highland

Today, I rode the bus with my brother. He left his lunch box there and now my parents are blaming me for not picking it up. He's 12, and he still can't even put on his own shoes, sleep by himself, or talk maturely. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 55

By nitrokitty - 18/08/2016 20:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I had a phone interview for my dream job. I got stood up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 47

By Fenvier - 18/08/2016 20:33

Today, I got a sunburn. I didn't find out until I put my acne gel on. The burning sting still hasn't stopped. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 89

By Scared - 18/08/2016 20:26

Today, my three daughters (triplets) have all started menstruating/ having their periods, my wife is visiting her family across the country and i have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 92

By Otherguy - 18/08/2016 19:46 - United States

Today after growing suspicious I asked my "girlfriend" if I'm her "on the side" guy and she started to sob. Turns out there are FOUR guys competing for her and trying to pick one of us is not only driving her crazy but causing her to drink. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 57

By Hesaiditisnttoolateforredemption - 18/08/2016 19:36 - Brazil

Today, being a nurse's daughter, I got used to get rid of my pimples by the use of needles. I never thought that the pharmacist would handle me a drug rehab folder along with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 69

By what a waste - 18/08/2016 19:36 - United States - East Elmhurst

Today, My mom invited me on a family outing. Since I wasn't busy until the evening, I excitedly got all dolled up and thought I looked great. Right as it came time to leave, my mom rushed out the door explaining she forgot some other errands and we would go at 4 instead. I work at 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 49

By send help - 18/08/2016 19:29 - United Kingdom - Perth

Today, I was doing an important piece of work at school. The person next to me, however, didn't care. He made loud moaning noises and said things like "Fuck me harder". I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 55

By ariskyp - 18/08/2016 19:29 - Greece - Athens

Today, I finished drama school at the top of my class and visited relatives I hadn't seen in a while. They kept going on about how fat I've gotten and how I will never get a job. I gained 10 pounds for a role I booked as soon as I graduated!

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 51

By IHateYouRightNowGoAway - 18/08/2016 19:27

Today, I found out my laptop battery isn't charging. Right after it got unplugged by my boyfriend just as I finished filling out my "About Me" page for a job application... After I'd been writing and re-writing everything for oh, about two hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 49

By memestar - 18/08/2016 19:26 - United States - Brooklyn

Today,I went on a date with a this girl I like. We were leaning on each other. My friend later told me she had lice.FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 45

By AnonymousAdult - 18/08/2016 19:24 - United States

Today, I saved some unknown numbers as names so when they call it looks like I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 63

By distressed freshman - 18/08/2016 19:01

Today, all of my friends are moving into their university dormitory. I'm stuck at home on bedrest BC the doctor read my MRI wrong 4 months ago and I've had a ruptured ligament this whole time. it takes 4 months to heal. he didn't realize his mistake til last week and I had emergency surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 36

By Done Cleaning - 18/08/2016 18:31 - United States - Campbell Hall

Today, My mom told me she'd pay me $100 to clean my brothers room. I went for it. As I started digging through clothes on his floor to fold I found a Hustler magazine. Normally I wouldnt care too much. He's a guy..I get it. I picked it up to throw under his bed..it had pubes all over it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 37

By ExhaleTheExalted - 18/08/2016 18:25 - United States

Today, I was minding my own business, when I decided to read in the living room. My father began to talk to me about life. I quit paying attention when he started talking about my mother. About 5 minutes later I heard him mumble "best piece of ass I've had". Yeah, like I wanted to hear that... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 43

By anonymous - 18/08/2016 18:25 - United States - Denver

Today, I spent the day at the ER with my fiancé. He'll be fine and is home resting. When I called his boss at 6:30am and told him what's going on, he asked if he would be in later today since he's already missed 2 days this week. Seriously ? He's in the fucking ER! FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 46

By calb93 - 18/08/2016 18:21

Today, I got a text from my ex. She stated that the reason she broke up with me was because she tried masturbating with a cucumber and decided it was better than our sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 18/08/2016 17:53 - United States - Farwell

Today, my boyfriend called me at work to tell me he was running to his ex's house(they have kids together)to give her $200 for her electric so it don't get shut off. I don't have enough gas in my car to get home from work today, and don't get paid until tomorrow. I'm too proud to ask for help.FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 108

By no talk no job - 18/08/2016 17:52 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after waking up from after 12 hour shift, my job called me saying I was late. Apparently my manager switched my shift without telling me. Now I'm down a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 26

By PooEverywhere - 18/08/2016 17:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the toilet at a restaurant. I noticed a hole in the floor next to the toilet but when I flushed everything I just did started overflowing from the hole all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 29

By Kemet - 18/08/2016 17:44 - United States - Freeman

Today, i went in for my first day of physical therapy. As I was explaining to the doctor that I had injured my knee while dancing, he asked if I had taken dance classes at the local shoppe. I told him I used too, but quit because I didn't like the instructor. Turns out, the instructor is his wife.

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 37

By Sick Wife - 18/08/2016 17:43

Today, I was woken up at 1am with a migraine, by my husband who drunkenly called to ask if I'd like to accompany him to the strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 37

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The Top

Today, I received a message on a dating app. It was the girl I'd always wanted to marry, but who disappeared from my life when we were younger. She went on and on about how much she missed me... and how much she wanted me to meet her husband and 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 446

You deserved it 470

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me "re-Pete" because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 332

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 383

You deserved it 5 003

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 487

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 231

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 297

You deserved it 1 652