Nearly FMLs

By Work 'til you per - 08/09/2016 16:35 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I was doing Crossfit. It's a brutal workout and I've only gone about four times. The coach told us to do squats with a bar on our shoulders. I put too much weight on and on my fifth rep I actually peed my pants on the way up. I was wearing grey yoga pants.

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 119

By collegelife - 08/09/2016 16:22 - United States - East Lansing

Today I went to my college level stats class for the first time, however, in high school I took Calculus four and received college credit for it. For a bachelor of science degree it's a degree requirement to take stats, so I went from complex calculus to "this is a pi chart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 123

By Buckwheatjr - 08/09/2016 16:18 - United States

Today after my shift, I was walking down a long corridor to the drinking fountain and scratching my rear end with my car key not noticing that the hottest girl in the warehouse was right behind me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 193

By IT WAS THE KAYAK!! - 08/09/2016 16:14 - United States - Orlando

Today, I came to work with a huge bruise on my arm from a small kayaking accident yesterday at the beach. Due to a loud-mouth, rumor-starting coworker, so many people think I was punched in the arm by my boyfriend now. Even my boss wanted to have a serious talk about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 46

By harleyhatter - 08/09/2016 16:14 - United States - Round Rock

Today, after having surgery a few weeks ago, I got the ok from my dr. to have sex again. Once home, I told my bf this and went strait to the bedroom to have some fun. He hit a good spot that made me arch my back suddenly. Turns out my stitches were not healed completely and I ripped them both. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 73

By Lala987 - 08/09/2016 16:13 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend's brother saying he got into a car accident. We are long distance and I had given him $300 dollars to drive 200 miles round trip to see me. Now the car is wrecked and he has to go back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 57

By PsychoHanyo - 08/09/2016 16:09 - United States - Albany

Today, well yesterday, was the first day of school. The school lost my four year old and eight year old cousins for an hour by screwing up the bus schedule and having the four year old sent somewhere she didn't live. Luckily her brother had the sense to stay with her even when told to get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 53

By Derek - 08/09/2016 16:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today a girl I met on a dating app pretended to have some personal family issues. Me trying to be a good person attempted to help her out. Several calls, waiting, misleading texts and driving around and now I'm down $400. I regret trying to help now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 171

By JamaicanDooD - 08/09/2016 15:48 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today after finally convincing my ex gf to give me a blowjob (which is frowned up in my country) she did it, she told me that it was the first time she's done it. A week later she called me wanted to blow me again, it was amazing this time and afterwards she said "my friend let me practice" FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 120

By Shandog12 - 08/09/2016 15:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went down to my parking garage to find my driver's side window smashed in. Don't worry though, they only did it to steal my empty ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 44

By anon - 08/09/2016 15:46 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, I was told at my job that I had a personal letter. It was a guy that I had been on a couple of dates with a year ago and had been giving the cold shoulder to. I never told him my full name or where I worked. I work for a security company and now am scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 40

By H - 08/09/2016 15:42 - United Kingdom

Today I logged into Facebook and the first thing on my newsfeed was that my 35 year old boyfriend has befriended around 30 new people over the past day. As he is a private person, I found this unusual and when deciding to check it out I realised the vast majority were fourteen year old girls. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 45

By AnxiousCucumber - 08/09/2016 15:36 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I learned that my mom has been doing drugs for 40+ years. Her drug of choice is crystal meth. Her drug dealer: a family friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 08/09/2016 15:31 - United States - Joliet

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of a bra he claimed I left at his house. I know every single bra I own, and it wasn't one of them, or so I thought. Only after I broke up with him did I remember I lost that bra two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 486

You deserved it 29 907

By GenericBeret - 08/09/2016 15:31 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me over no communication for two weeks. She's been ignoring my messages and talking to my best friend for two weeks.

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 43

By notgoodenoughforanimpotentman - 08/09/2016 15:26 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I was supposed to have a date with a guy who told me I'm the only person that has made him actually consider getting married again someday. He has been impotent since his divorce. He cancelled the date cause his new gf is coming to town. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 34

By artdivab - 08/09/2016 15:03 - United States - Redding

Today, I messaged my biological father asking him for his tax returns so i can start college, and instead of giving me the tax returns he told me to fuck off and to never contact him again. After 14 years being the only biological child of his that ever gave a shit about him im treated like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 49

By shiba10 - 08/09/2016 14:51 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I decided swimming would be a great way to help my cardio. On my second lap of the pool a tampon decided it would be great idea to float into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 37

By Life_F_Sucks - 08/09/2016 14:36 - United States - Odenton

Today, was my birthday. And my boyfriend, of 5 years, forgot. For the second time. No card, no flowers, no dinner plans, nothing. And now hes blaming me for expecting to much. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 66

By hawkknight - 08/09/2016 13:23 - United States - Portland

Today, i went to meet a friend at the track and workout. when I got there early I got a message that he just woke up. almost an hour later he finally arrived in the freezing cold weather. i only wore light workout gear, expecting him to be on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 48

By rissatey18 - 08/09/2016 13:22 - United States - Manassas

Today, while cutting ghost peppers for supertonic, i strachted the inside of my nose. i think i can breathe fire now. fml

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 84

By Jetblackjack - 08/09/2016 12:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today I walked into the kitchen to find my father Homer Simson style strangling my mother. I flew in, took him down and gave him a bit of a kicking. I'm now evesdropping on them talking. He wants to call the cops and have me arrested. She isn't going to tell the cops what really happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 46

By EmotionalSlut - 08/09/2016 12:36 - Japan - Kamakura

Today, after I finally got together with a girl that I had like for 2 years. I was so happy we got together, until I got a photo from a friend of her making out with another guy. We lasted 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 40

By I_fucked_up - 08/09/2016 12:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I overheard my college professor ask another professor what ingredients are in a strawberry. They ended up having to Google it. Glad to know my money is being well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 33

By anon - 08/09/2016 12:21 - Australia - Revesby

I have been back home for 2 weeks after 2 months in Europe. My friend asked me how me and my boyfriend of a year were going. Basically he lied the whole 2 months, 2 weeks and the next 2 hours to my face until he finally admitted that he was fucking his ex the whole time I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 45

By AlysoninAlaska - 08/09/2016 09:02 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives on the opposite side of the country. During this phone call she let slip that my parents had gotten divorced 2 months ago. They hadn't even told me yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 78

By Why - 08/09/2016 08:19 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I moved in with my best friend. Today, I also learnt that he likes being loud with porn videos... I just signed a six month lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 50

By prittnoob - 08/09/2016 05:05 - Germany - K?ln

Today my girlfriend got a nosebleed from getting a basketball to her face during school. As we had dinner with her family, her dad asked her about it and she said as a joke that I hit her. I got immediately punched in the face by him. Guess who has a broken nose now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 73

By sad25 - 07/09/2016 14:18 - United States - Riverside

Today, my best friend "forgot" about my birthday party. This makes the 8th year in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 160

By Spider-Eater-Man - 07/09/2016 14:04 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was having a vivid dream about eating a really delicious piece of candy. When I woke up, I found the remnants of a long string of spider web hanging above my head, but no spider in sight. It was only when I picked a spider leg out from between my teeth that I put two and two together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 93

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The Top

Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 93

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 091

You deserved it 3 290

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 236

You deserved it 5 303

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 151

You deserved it 4 507

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 802

You deserved it 4 758

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 672

You deserved it 2 734