Nearly FMLs

By Heartbroken - 17/09/2016 17:03 - Australia - Albion

Today my boyfriend of 8 years told me he has doubts about our relationship. When asked why he suddenly feels different towards me, he said my dad informed him I am a handful like my mum and he should never compromise anything for his own happiness. I don't speak to my dad. I think it's over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 188

By christacat - 17/09/2016 14:32 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my family went to an indoor water park. I saw my dad on a poolside chair, lying on his stomach, asleep. I decided to go and slap him on the back. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 477

By hornyhornet - 17/09/2016 07:06 - United States

Today, It's been over 4 months since I last had sex. My husband and I never get any alone time. I got the kids to bed early on the couch. We started fooling around. We took our time with foreplay. Then, just as he put in the tip, our 3 year old burst in wanting to get in bed with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 184

By nortwdschick - 16/09/2016 13:50 - United States - Muskego

Today, after a night out drinking, I came home to see a lonesome kitty sitting on my front porch. Sober self does not like cats, however drunk self thought, "Pet the kitty, heh, why not?!" I screamed in horror as I felt the ratty hair clumps and saw the leaping fleas, as it hissed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 289

By pencil-broken - 15/09/2016 00:07 - United States - Bronx

Today, while in class, a classmate asked if he could borrow a pencil. I gave him one and asked to have it back at the end of the day. He then said, "what, can't let someone have one of your pencils, you dick?" He then broke the pencil on his knee and threw the pieces at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 387

By clutz - 14/09/2016 21:23 - United States - Denton

Today, at the ripe age of 22, I rolled my first joint. Too bad it was my ankle. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 967

You deserved it 259

By youcanhearittooright - 14/09/2016 19:05 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, marks two weeks since the neighbours moved out of their flat. It also marks one week since the fire alarm began beeping every forty seconds. The building manager isn't responding to my calls. I am seriously considering offering someone money to break in and replace the battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 100

By ducky10290 - 14/09/2016 18:36 - United States - York

Today, I found out I need to do a full-time unpaid internship an hour away to get my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 162

By Jordans436 - 14/09/2016 18:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said that I do look good, "you just gotta squint a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 117

By Seriously? - 14/09/2016 06:39 - Canada - Prince Albert

Today, I gave my "best friend" a ticket to watch one of the early hockey games occurring. On the day of the event, I seen him yelling. Turns out he was selling the tickets I bought him for a discounted price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 204

By Anon - 14/09/2016 05:26 - United States - Blacklick

Today, I rescheduled several client meetings for my boss, so she could take a vacation day. Two days ago, she told me to cancel my planned vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 14/09/2016 04:58 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, after a girls only phys ed class, the wait for the showers was over half an hour, so the coach said that I could shower in the guys locker room, as they definitely won't show up for at least an hour. Sure enough, five hot guys walked in mid-shower. Instead of leaving, two stood beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 202

By zasaran - 14/09/2016 02:50 - United States - Zanesville

Today, while out shopping, I kept getting threatening looks from strangers. Why? My girlfriend has a massive black eye, she got it last night by banging her head into the trash can while she was throwing up. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 14/09/2016 02:15 - United States - Bronx

Today, it was the third day of school for both me and my sister. I'm in 8th grade, she's in 12th. She came home with three pictures that she had to color as homework. I came home with an essay due the next day that we didn't even have a chance to start in class. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 151

By Saaaaaa - 14/09/2016 00:55 - United States

Today, my teacher handed back our recently graded papers. Looking over it, I noticed she marked me down on something that was correct. I showed it to her, she replied by stating, "Oh you're right, but you didn't get marked down much for that" and then started talking to another student. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 96

By UnknownXenoforms - 13/09/2016 23:04 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I confessed to my crush that I liked her. Turns out, she used to like me, too. She moved on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 214

By leeshhhh - 13/09/2016 20:58 - United States - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend of nearly five years broke up with me because he found everything I say and do to be annoying and irritating. But he couldn't explain why and reassured me the break up had nothing to do with me or the fact that he doesn't love me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 93

By mymomistoxic - 13/09/2016 13:56 - United States - Ogden

Today, I told my mom that the lawn mower leaked some oil thinking it might not be safe her reply "you're a big girl. figure out how to fix it yourself." I know nothing about small engine repair and she's treating me yet again like I'm incompetent, and overdramatic for refusing to try and fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 184

By arianelagolden - 13/09/2016 06:26 - Belgium - Courcelles

Today, I am divorced with two teenage sons. I am reading in the living-room when I hear one of them whispering: "Let's go on a dating website to find someone for Mummy". A few clicks later: "No, not this one, one for old people!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 167

By el_Jeffe_D - 13/09/2016 05:56 - United States

Today, while I'm writing this, I'm standing in my yard enjoying a cigarette after a long day at work. My neighbor is screaming at me because my smoke touched her car. Her...car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 204

By buhh - 12/09/2016 07:14 - Poland - Gdansk

Today, I got to know that half of the company where I used to work thought that I was coming to work high on weed. I didn't, it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 241

By Lynne - 12/09/2016 05:48 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, last time I saw my grandma I wore a skirt and she called me a whore, which caused a huge family argument. Yesterday when we visited her I wore jeans instead and she shouted at me for dressing too casually to ever attract a husband and accused me of being a lesbian. Fuck you grandma FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 181

By beffnytutt - 10/09/2016 19:17 - United States - Texarkana

Today, I've been searching for a job after moving from Kansas to Texas, to afford my son's formula that is $63 per can. I got a call about a job that pays well and I'd really enjoy.. Too bad it's my old job from Kansas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 214

By Kf014 - 10/09/2016 18:47 - United States - Kennewick

Today I found out I am not eligible for any student loans, and now have no way to pay for school despite having a full time job. Goodbye college education and impoving my situation. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 172

By nigeriangirl - 10/09/2016 17:54 - Nigeria

Today, my neighbour moved to his new house in a new state. My dog is missing. His number is unavailable. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 10/09/2016 13:02 - United States - Albany

Today, after months of hard work, after sacrificing my entire summer and even losing my relationship, I was told at school I didn't get my dream scholarship. Who did? My "best friend" who apparently copied all of my work and turned it in a day before me making it look like I coppied HIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 127

By captaincheese - 10/09/2016 11:25 - Denmark - Sk?rping

Today, my boss told me in detail how he lost his virginity as a 16 year old guy to a much older woman. I couldn't say anything but "That's nice." as I couldn't relate due to not having had sexual intercourse yet. Really awkward, couldn't get the image out of my head the rest of that shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 124

By poor forever - 10/09/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I got my first ever paycheque from my first job. Only my dad suddenly decided to start charging me not only rent, but I have to contribute to the gas, electric, water, food and internet bills. After tax I have £3.57 to spend on myself this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 149

By CrutchesSuck - 10/09/2016 05:18 - United States - Woodside

Today, I begged the athletic trainer to clear me for physical activity as my team's practices were starting. He finally gave me the okay for my back a mere two hours before practice. Twenty minutes into practice, I sprain my ankle and now I'm out for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 167

By Einhander - 09/09/2016 22:42 - United States - Eugene

Today, my office just set up a new kegerator filled with a local micro brew. Today was also the first day I started on my new medication, which I cannot drink on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 282

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The Top

Today, I finally finished my art project, which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in first period to give it to my professor. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 667

You deserved it 3 499

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 923

You deserved it 5 212

Today, I went grocery shopping with my grandmother. Our bagger offered to help load our groceries, to which my grandmother replied, "Oh, what a nice young colored boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 218

You deserved it 360

Today, I offered help a customer to record his details, as he didn't have a scanner. He just stared at me, saying that he would never give any of his details if I typed them on my phone, as I could "do something else" without him knowing. He ended up canceling his orders and got upset on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 151

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 206

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 640

You deserved it 4 104