Today, my music addiction hit a new low. I started bringing my...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Music = Life - 28/12/2020 21:17 - United States - Midlothian

Today, my music addiction hit a new low. I started bringing my earpiece to listen to heavy metal during church service. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Favorite

Late term

Messed up

All in the family

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20367

You deserved it

29281

Favorite

By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28146

You deserved it

2305

Favorite

By James C - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25192

You deserved it

4579

Favorite

By gan-1991 - 15/6/2020 23:01

It's called caring, OK?

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1130

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2058

You deserved it

195

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1228

You deserved it

740

Favorite

By healthfreak - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44493

You deserved it

4195

Favorite

By AlexaSt2611 - Paraguay

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16477

You deserved it

28268

Favorite

By Discouraged - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34521

You deserved it

3489

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 02:01

Threesome weirdness

Today, my roommate informed me that I need to move out, due to me having sex with his boyfriend. Even though he gave us permission, and told us to use protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

509

You deserved it

1022

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was in the shower I noticed a short, black hair on my loofa. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42686

You deserved it

8896

Favorite

By bibou2324

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29346

You deserved it

5507

Favorite

By lawman - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54651

You deserved it

3527

Favorite

By Lo_Bolian - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56553

You deserved it

3394

Favorite

By ewewew - United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54323

You deserved it

4768

Favorite

By princess

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2866

You deserved it

353

Favorite

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58285

You deserved it

19377

Favorite

By hitlerfish

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5885

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By i have failed so very badly - United States - Syracuse

Today, I found out our eight-year-old son lied about his former babysitter beating him. The babysitter's already thrashed us on social media for believing our son, and now no one in town is willing to babysit for us. Looks like date night is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3785

You deserved it

6904

Favorite

By great - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39631

You deserved it

6517

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32338

You deserved it

6713

Favorite

By overreacting - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31803

You deserved it

2983

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41566

You deserved it

4773

Favorite

By Anonymous

You idiot!

Today, I didn't want to hang out with my girlfriend so I could binge watch Pawn Stars instead. When she asked me why not, I lied not very convincingly and said my mom was sick and needed my help. She now thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

436

You deserved it

2820

Favorite

By Hapaboy808 - 8/7/2020 23:01

The final countdown

Today, I'm sharing an apartment in a foreign country with my soon-to-be ex. There are 6 months left on the contract, so we both decided to live here until then to save money. She earns enough to afford her own place. Me on the other hand… FML

I agree, your life sucks

1167

You deserved it

338

Favorite

By StillSingle - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51216

You deserved it

5070

Favorite

By awkwardology - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43785

You deserved it

3438

Favorite

By grrr1234

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31577

You deserved it

6285

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31097

You deserved it

2738

Favorite

By emptypockets - 28/6/2020 17:00

Rich people problems

Today, after spending thousands of dollars on remodelling and painting our house, making it exactly how we wanted it, my husband's grandma passed away, leaving us her house. I’m debating on ripping everything out and taking it to the new house my hubby is so eager to move into now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

325

Favorite

By stonehengeva - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29708

You deserved it

1741

Favorite

By HistoryHasEyes - 4/9/2020 23:01

That makes sense

Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

Favorite

By HatedGrandson - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27550

You deserved it

2145

Favorite

By pizzacat - Australia

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26497

You deserved it

8324

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43385

You deserved it

5304

Favorite

By myheart75 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31448

You deserved it

5855

Favorite

By yek - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22540

You deserved it

1592

Favorite

By kerdersty - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36424

You deserved it

3763

Favorite

By Achoo - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38804

You deserved it

5102

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML