This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.
By ERock85 - 24/3/2019 16:00
Today I was going to bed with my wife and she was giving all the signs that she wanted to get it on. I rolled to her side of the bed and made my move. She rolled the other way, grabbed her phone, and played on Instagram. P.S. it was my birthday. FML
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Top comments
By  PhoenixChick  |  26

Sounds like you are really awful at reading "the signs." It might also have something to do with the fact you mention your birthday, like a 12 year old would to extra complain about not getting the last slice of pizza. Nothing kills a libido faster than a dude acting like you owe them sex.

By  melisssa87  |  30

I wouldn’t be too proud of that story if I were you. Your “line in the sand” was you cheating on your wife while she was asleep instead of man up and having “the talk”. And I guess if her friends was praying for a man like you, you must have a harem now filled with your ex wifes friends then

Comments
By  PhoenixChick  |  26

Sounds like you are really awful at reading "the signs." It might also have something to do with the fact you mention your birthday, like a 12 year old would to extra complain about not getting the last slice of pizza. Nothing kills a libido faster than a dude acting like you owe them sex.

By  melisssa87  |  30

You need to step up your moves man, you can’t just lay on your back all naked and expect her to take care of everything, they don’t call it a job for nothing

By  LolCandy  |  27

What the hell was your move? Grabbin a tit? Sticking your fingers in her buttcrack? Doing the helicopter? Whatever it was must have hit her privates like the Sahara Desert.

Sounds like you need to ask what she likes in foreplay instead of assuming. Nothing is a bigger turn off than your partner making no effort to learn what you like. Well, except for acting like you’re owed sex.

By  sublimechica4  |  7

Geez O Peet's people/kids. He is just on here to complain like the rest of us. Sometimes life is just an FML. Let him have it. (Are only children on this website now?) As an ADULT, many of us have had this happen now and again, and sometimes we just wanna bit*h about it. It's Allowed! That's what FML is here for!!!! ** I feel for ya bro/OP ** Better luck & vibes your for your next birthday!